Ballmer inexplicably calls Apple a ‘low-volume player’

“Chief Executive Steve Ballmer is betting on one of Microsoft Corp.’s busiest years ever to keep the company relevant in a new age of mobile technology,” Shira Ovide reports for The Wall Street Journal. “On Monday, Microsoft formally introduced new smartphones that will use a revamped version of the company’s mobile-phone operating software.”

MacDailyNews Take: You know, the phones that nobody outside of Microsoft or Microsoft’s Nokia buys.

“Microsoft was once king of the technology market, with its personal-computer software, but as computing has shifted to mobile devices, the Redmond, Wash., company has struggled to adapt,” Ovide reports. “Microsoft currently has less than a 3% share of the world-wide smartphone market, according to research firm Gartner Inc. In recent years, its share price hasn’t kept pace with the stock market’s gains, and rivals like Apple Inc. have overtaken it in market value.”

MacDailyNews Take: “Overtaken” in market value. As in: Doubled.

WSJ: Would you prefer Apple’s business model, in which it controls the hardware and the software?

Ballmer: We like our model, as we are evolving it. In every category Apple competes, it’s the low-volume player, except in tablets. In the PC market, obviously the advantage of diversity has mattered since 90-something percent of PCs that get sold are Windows PCs. We’ll see what winds up mattering in tablets.

MacDailyNews Take: Maybe dummy means Apple sells 5 million Macs every 90 days, hundreds of millions of iOS devices and billions iTunes tracks and App Store apps very quietly?

And, oh, BTW: Would you rather have “high volume” and low profits or “low volume” and high profits? Quick, somebody ask Mikey Dell, Meg Whitman, and Stephen Elop before they’re due in bankruptcy court.

Apple rakes in 71% of the world’s smartphone profits – September 8, 2012
• Apple’s App Store hits 25 billion downloads milestone – March 3, 2012
Apple Mac owns 90% market share for ‘premium’ PCs costing over $1,000 – February 1, 2010

WSJ: You’ve said before that you want to stay CEO until your youngest child graduates from high school in a few years. Is that still the plan?

Ballmer: [Laughs] I said that many years ago. I’m excited to be able to lead Microsoft at this fantastic time. I love my job. I’m happy doing what I’m doing, I’m energized. I will serve as long and no longer as both the board wants me, and I feel like I’m adding value and/or until somebody better should come in and take over.

Read more in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: Mr. Self-Delusion gets increasingly ludicrous with each passing day.

Steve Ballmer became Microsoft CEO in January 2000. Here’s the “value” he’s “added” since then:

MSFT stock price January 2000-October 2012

May Microsoft’s board remain somnambulant for as long as it takes!

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78 Comments

  1. Microsoft is a sewage plant that processes and sells high volumes of turd every day. Ballmer is the sewage plant manager that sees high volumes of sewage pass through his sales channel – a gazillion gallons a day.

    When you’re immersed in sewage all day long, you begin to think that sewage and cockroaches in high volumes is the order of the day.

      1. Laughter is the best medicine, and after you get past the appalling parts, and after a few drinks, the man is positively charming, like a ludicrous James Bond villain.

    1. Ballmer is like the best pitcher in baseball, Justin Verlander, of the overwhelming favorite Detroit Tigers, fresh off their punchout of the vaunted New York Yankees, smirking as his pitching coach visits him on the mound in inning 3 of the World Series, as if to say, “Just because I gave up a home run to this guy in the first inning, you think I can’t get him out? Trust me, we’ll do these chumps the same way we did the Yankees.” Then he gives up a second home run to the same guy. They lose the game, then lose the next three games in a sweep, and the pundits are left with egg on their faces.

      The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

  2. I never knew that Steve Ballmer is Egyptian. Because he’s certainly living in denial.

    (The extent of Monkeyboy’s vision: “Windows! Windows! Windows! Windows!!”)

  3. “I will serve as long and no longer as both the board wants me, and I feel like I’m adding value and/or until somebody better should come in and take over.” — Steve Ballmer

    As long as it takes, baby!!! Woohoo!!!

        1. That could also be why Microsoft’s board are “somnambulant”…they don’t understand logarithms, and they nod off during depressing PowerPoint presentations. Hell, they can’t put two and two together—otherwise Ballmer would be long gone by now.

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