“The man helming the world’s biggest software company runs life on Excel,” Christie Loh reports for TODAYonline.
“‘I actually have a spreadsheet that I use to manage my time,’ said Microsoft Corp’s zingy chief executive Steve Ballmer. Otherwise the 51-year-old overseeing subsidiaries in 100 countries would be chained to the office with no time for himself, his wife and three sons,” Loh reports.
“His discipline is impeccable,” Loh reports.
MacDailyNews Take: The rest of him, not so much.
Loh report, “No meetings take place before 8am: ‘I run every morning … I take my kids to the bus and then I’m promptly at work by about 8 o’clock.'”
Full article here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Bizarro Ballmer” for the heads up.]
MacDailyNews Take: Either Ballmer’s running approximately 3 feet “every morning” or he’s running to Dunkin’ Donuts for a dozen. Hey, Steve, tell us the one about how “Windows is more secure than the Mac” or “all iPod owners are thieves” or “pirates are to blame for poor Vista sales” or how the “‘Zune halo effect’ will help Windows Vista” — just about anything would be more believable than “I run every morning.”
Does it seem to anyone else as if Ballmer’s trying to shore up a shaky position by emphasizing his penchant for being a workaholic? Regardless of whether Ballmer understands that amount of time spent at work doesn’t equal quality of work, let’s hope shareholders buy it and keep him at the wheel for as long as possible.
Methinks the shareholders are getting a bit restless…..
Maybe he should start running away from MS, I would hate to have him around if I worked for the Mac BU. Imagine the sweat he drips all over the office!
Coming up Next: Helpful exercise tips from Ron Glazer!
Ballmer exercises a lot. He Runs off at the mouth, Jumps to conclusions, makes Leaps of faith about Windows, Walks a think line with his users, Jogs my memory about why we don’t do Windows…he’s an athlete, baby.
I really didn’t need to know about Ballmer’s morning constitution. Ick!
You don’t have to run, you have to make your Windowsshit secure!
He meant: “I run out of energy every morning’
Chasing the ice cream truck doesn’t count, monkeyboy.
MS is powered by excel……
you know that explains why the company is such a mess. they eat their own dog food……
magic word, “south” as in the direction MS has headed since day one.
Yeh, Bullmer runs every morning – unfortunately it’s sweat running down his fat, pasty face…
…as he shuffles to the toilet to squirt out another zune.
Spreadsheet? I don’t expect him to use iCal but Microsoft do make an app for that sort of thing. Crap as it may be.
nice use of the word “prompt.”
‘I’m promptly at work by ABOUT 8 o’clock.’
hehe.
Nice one Jimbo! Ballmer should buy himself a robotic Richard Simmons.
If he sweats like a pig at a developers’ conference, imagine the pool of perspiration after a job!
Sorry to share that this early in the morning.
yeah right…he needs to run to the bathroom to flush his zune.
And there is no way his kids ride “the bus” to school.
I think the error in the the story, which has caused all of this confusion at MDN, is the reporter thought they heard, “I run every morning”. The reality here is that he has THE runs every morning.
It’d didn’t mention that I have to shower before and after I run that takes a while you know. DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS…. *sweat*sweat*sweat*…RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING… *sweat*sweat*sweat*….
I think they misprinted: His MARZIPAN is impeccable.
A mistake anyone could make.
Maybe Ballmer should get a Nike+ for his Zune…
oh wait…
He’s running for the toilet folks.
If he ran half a mile every morning, by the end of the month he’d be over 15 miles away!
“I actually have a spreadsheet that I use to manage my time”
Doesn’t the rest of the world use calendar programs? Why do I see this in a Get-a-Mac ad?
I can’t believe I am going to say this.
I hope Ballmer never leaves Miscrosoft.
He is the worst thing for Microsoft right now and I love it.
He is entertaining to boot.
he is going to ruin his knees running with all that weight.
mw: degree!! he needs a lot of this.
“Hello. I’m a PC. And I only have room in my life for one program: Excel…”
What a bundle of fun.
Magic Word = program Eh?!
I doubt that he lets his kids ride the bus.
Sour grapes?
He is a lying azzdog lardace.
“Windows is more secure than the Mac”
Unfortunatly according to the last year of exploit potential count, Windows is beating the pants off of Mac OS X.
Sure Windows has more malware, but that was intentional to give IT a job and then have them recommend Windows. “Scratch my back, I’l scratch yours”.
M$ has secured their OS better and now it’s down to when there is a Windows exploit, it’s a big deal because of the huge market share (95%) and all the pirated versions being hacked on in economically challenged parts of the world.
Mac OS X comes tied to hardware, so it’s less likely to find it’s way into the hands of the poor and desperate.
“all iPod owners are thieves”
Most all iPod owners are theives, so are Zune owners, Zen owners and the like.
“pirates are to blame for poor Vista sales”
Pirates are to blame for poor Vista sales because they steal and distribute the OS for free. But then pirates are to blame for a lot of software and content poor sales.
“‘Zune halo effect’ will help Windows Vista”
The Zune halo effect will help Vista sales, probally because the Zune won’t work too well with XP.
Attacking Steve Ballmer in his person character is no way to convince people to buy a Mac or Apple products.
Steve Ballmer is a very nice monkeyboy.
Ballmer ruins every morning for me too.
Yeah… Right… and were I his son, I’d try to catch a ride with friends and pray thay I was adopted.
Hano
I’ve always thought that people who criticize or make fun of other people’s appearance do so because they have nothing else to use for their attacks. The way the person ACTS is another thing entirely, and I think MDN has plenty of ammo in that area that they don’t need to resort to hitting on him because of what he looks like. I mean, what’s that got to do with anything about the way he manages (or mismanages) his company?
Seems like cheap shots to me.
He runs to Krispy Kreme every morning.
Wow, that means he’s out there on the east side running RIGHT NOW. I can almost smell it.
He meant to say, “I have the runs every morning.”
Ahahaahahahahah what bullshit…
wow … I’m actually embarrased to be a Mac user. You guys need to lighten up.
Many more images of Ballmer in action here:
http://www.ladyofthecake.com/mel/frank/yfimages.htm
IT’S UNCANNY!!!!
Microsoft’s Astroturfers are well paid for their Bullshit.
Everyone try to imagine the quote “I run every morning”, together with the picture of Ballmer provided right beneath it. I did…and it cracks me up everytime, lmao. Just the dumbfounded expression on his face, along with his hands….cracks me up every single time.
He runs, he runs……away from the IRS and other institutions for Backdating Options
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@ The REAL DEAL
So here is what you expect us to believe. First of all, Microsoft intentionally produces malware for windows to “give IT a job” in your words. Second of all, the only reason there are exploits is because poor people in third world countries are using hacked versions of windows, and they’re the ones producing malware (not computer hackers).
My favorite is that pirates are actually to blame for poor vista sales. Every windows owner I know refusus to buy vista because of poor compatibility, software and hardware, and the fact that it just doesn’t offer anything worthwhile, not because they downloaded a torrent of it.
Lastly, just for the record, none of us here are trying to get anyone to buy a Mac. We just like making fun of Steve Ballmer because he’s a psychopath and it’s funny.
maybe you should run faster…..with 100 kg weights around your limbs……in a sauner
I’m really trying to understand this. The CEO of Microsoft uses a SPREADSHEET to manage his time?
Shouldn’t he use Outlook?
I find it hard to believe his kids ride a bus to school….unless it’s a little one.
Steve Ballmer uses a spreadsheet for managing time, why don’t use an iPod with a Nike+ Sports kit?
To the folks reprimanding the cruel comments:
Yes, we are being childish (so is MDN), but the guy is a first class a-hole, and is largely responsible for the dark ages of computing that so many have endured. He continues to perpetuate it through strong-arming and arrogance. This is a major world issue; almost as important, I think, as many of the divisive issues confronting us today. The guy wasn’t even into computers or software, he won his status through random dorm assignment (as MDN frequently points out) and greed. If this bashing were directed toward GW or Hillary (depending on your stance), then there would be less outcry for civility, right? Well, for many readers here, Mac vs. PC is as important. Not trying to hijack the comments w/ political B.S. (I think their all crooks), but giving an example. Peace
replace their w/ they’re
Runs to the fridge.
I want a video clip of Ballmer running!!!
You wouldn’t believe the magic word: miles! ROTFL
Has anyone EVER looked at him and thought him “zingy”???
I have a shit every morning and name it Ballmer.
He runs his life with a spreadsheet…..er life imitating art i.e. Ballmer is PC in the Mac ads.
What a stroker.
I can’t help but picture that Apple commercial where “PC” shows a pie chart of his family vacation.
@ Thorin
Good Call
runs to the toilet to save another zune
Ballmer is Raving Mad!!!
http://www.ladyofthecake.com/mel/frank/sounds/ravings.wav
I picture him running with a ham sandwich in his right hand and a 32 oz bottle of malt liquor in his left hand.
He is running scared because a Leopard is stalking him. And when the Leopard has him in a corner he won’t be able to cry for help because his Windows Mobile device won’t pick up a signal. He won’t even be able to calm his last moments with music because his feces brown Zune won’t squirt.
Hey Ballmer, when you say you run every morning, jumping on the back of one of your down-trodden ‘yes’ men while he runs around the back yard doesn’t count.
“His discipline is impeccable,” Loh reports.
Handcuffed and wrapped in chains, with a couple of Dells as weights.
Ballmer….LOL…ROTFLMAO! Ballmer! BWAAAaHAHAHA!
ROTFLMAO! Ballmer! Ohhh man you’re killing me!
“Trudge up this hill” (sweat, pant)
“Roll down the other side.”
MDN Magic Word: seen – As in “A pulsating, quivering pile of sweaty fat was seen on the side of the road near the Microsoft Headquarters today. Witnesses report “a large tongue-like object snaking from it toward a puddle of melted ice cream.”
Ballmer: ” I run every morning.”
Yeah, to the bathroom!
Looking at the “witty” comments posted here, I once again lament that these childish attitudes, hurt, rather than help, people on the fence considering switching.
Personal attacks on a guy are just tacky and immature.
You’ve all outdone yourselves this time! I haven’t read so many funny comments in one article in a LONG time!
And while I will sort of agree with those who say we’re too hard on old Stevie B. for politeness reasons, I have to say that we really need to lay off him because, as it’s been said so many times before, Ballmer is absolutely one of the BEST things to happen to Apple in ages (that is, one of the best things from OUTSIDE Apple). I, for one, pray every day that the shareholders DON’T wake up any time soon. Put someone half way competent in his position and M$ suddenly becomes a very real threat. Think about it…
Okay.. so he runs every morning..
Any word on if he’s working on his dancing skills?
Are we ever going to see an encore presentation of Dance, Dance Revolution Balmer?
Thorin: What you’ve said is right on the money, and I noticed you did not include the man’s appearance. I make no outcry for civility for anything the man has done or said. He deserves everything he gets for that. I just think MDN is hurting their argument more than helping it when they include his physical appearance in their take. That’s being childish.
@ Ronin: “Personal attacks on a guy are just tacky and immature.”
My gosh.. here, I just found the world’s smallest violin. Let me play it for you…
Geez, Woz uses a Segway and is still in better shape that Ballmer…
He has kids?
The things money can buy.
Can you imagine!? I think I’m going to hurl.
“I actually have a spreadsheet that I use to manage my time”
This makes me chuckle…
Years and years and years ago–back when the IBM PC first came out–There was a guy I worked with who used Lotus 1-2-3 for everything. He’d devoted so much time and effort to learning how to use Lotus 1-2-3 that he didn’t want to spend the time to learn how to use anything else. He’d use it for spreadsheets. He’d use it for memos. He’d use it to keep track of phone numbers. He’d use it for everything…
So, no, I’m not surprised that Ballmer uses Excel for managing his time. Knowing the bloatware that is Excel, I’m sure he uses it for everything else, too.
MDN Magic Word: “figures”
it’s good to know that Ballmer is in the belltower promptly at 8am every morning. I’m sure his kids are REAL happy that he brings them to the bus every morning.
@ twilightmoon: “My gosh.. here, I just found the world’s smallest violin. Let me play it for you…”
Uhhh, I’m not sure how violin music fits for people acting childish, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
There is a quote from Eric Schmidt of Google in a recent Wired magazine article that is appropriate in any Ballmerstance:
“I don’t think it makes sense for me to comment on the words and actions of Steve Ballmer.”
Runs to the toilet?
‘I’m promptly at work by ABOUT 8 o’clock.’
Thanks for pointing that out, typhoon — I skimmed right past that. It is such a telling statement — practically sums up Microsoft.
Well….people laugh at him for being fat
But people also laugh at him for trying to slim down (OK, maybe nobody notices progress…but exercising takes time. No inmediate results)
Sounds kind of hypocrite to me.
Observer wrote: Sounds kind of hypocrite to me.
It’s only hypocritical if it’s the same people laughing at him for being fat and laughing at him for trying to slim down. Otherwise, it’s just different people’s opinions. I’m sure you’ve Observed the fact that this is a forum with many people posting.
I forgot to mention, I just laugh at him. He may be rich but I’d still tell him to get off my lawn.
Managing your time on an Excel spreadsheet is like changing your watch battery with a lawn rake. Is Outlook used by him to balance his checkbook and add up his expenses? Is it any wonder that MS is so fuxxed up it doesn’t know which way is down? Oh, and Zune is hmmmmmm doing just fine by meeting all spreadsheet projections….
I’ll bet Ballmer’s wife and three sons wish his ugly ass was chained to the freakin’ Titanic.
I run every morning, until I see a blue screen: “The system has performed an illegal operation and it wll be shut down”. Then I sit down and I socially squirt with my uncle.
MDN word: “music”. No further question, Your Honour.
Yep, he runs his MOUTH every morning.
…yeah, I run …so what. I know how to run so I run …so freakin what. I tell you what else I do …I give the world its vista, its xbox, its zune, two-button mouse and a partridge in a pear tree …it’s what I do. I run hard, I play hard …you can’t keep up with me you better grab your nuts because I’m going to run all over that stupid smirk on your face …I’m a runner ..I run hard. What ..you don’t like that you iPod music thief …you’re about as funny as a 600 dollar price tag on a fully subsidized phone without a keypad ..you want a piece of me …yeah, I thought so.
So there you go. Exercise is a waste of time after all.
tank,
hope you Observed i wrote my opinion as i have write to do so…or not?
Nice day, gentleman
Count me in the “I don’t want him to leave camp” this guy is so frigging entertaining plus he is running the world’s largest PC company… badly. Microsoft succeeds in spite of, not because of Steve “Monkey Boy” Ballmer
Could imagine what Microsoft would be like if they had someone who actually knew what they were doing running the company?
(ducks. and looks out for flying chairs….>
what a horible sight that must be.
how can this guy seriously be proud of running, when being so fat ?
So good to be back here for my daily dose of bile. And what’s that noise? Why ’tis the sound of Steve Jobs breaking wind. Violets in the Spring.
Call before midnight tonight!
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Then the new Steve Ballmer exercise DVD is for you! You will learn all the latest jogging technques… high tech running gear (that’s available in XXL), and Zune sports accessories (all 1 of them)
This exercise program is guaranteed to help those who are AFRAID to loose weight (b/c judging from the source – you won’t!)
If you respond before midnight tonight you’ll get a free $10 McDonalds gift card!
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Hey Virtual Jogger, being Ballmer’s DVD it is not high tech, but Wide Tech
This is odd, I am viewing this “Ballmer: ‘I run every morning’ ” article on my new Vista notebook from work (my home machine is a Mac)
It has Fraud monitoring turned on and yet I am able to see all of Balmer’s quotes, ‘I run every morning … ‘ etc.
I guess the fraud filter is not working! ;>
Run Forest, run.
MDN magic word: evidence. Yeah, right.
What? Not getting enough exercise throwing chairs there Uncle Fester????
wait, the guys like 51… and his kids are… like 7-9 years old?
So he…at 41 decided to have kids? I call bullshit.