John C. Dvorak, bloated gasbag, dead at 80

Today – and, admittedly, always – we refer fondly to John C. Dvorak as a “bloated gasbag” on the occasion of his passing at the age of 80.

John wrote and said things, seemingly at random, basically in order to get a rise out of people, not so much because he deeply believed them. Long before the rise of social media, Dvorak was an exemplary engagement farmer, a master of outrage bait, a troll king.

He certainly prompted us to spill reams of digital ink all over our pages for many years and we’ll miss him.

Here are just a few examples:

• PC Magazine unceremoniously jettisons bloated gasbag John Dvorak – September 21, 2018
• Dvorak: Is iPhone X Apple’s Vista? – November 1, 2017
• Dvorak: Apple should spin off the Mac into a separate company – June 22, 2016
• Dvorak on Apple Watch: ‘Yawn – I’m not going to buy one’ – September 10, 2014
• Dvorak: A standing O for Apple’s new Mac Pro – June 11, 2013
• Dvorak: ‘Microsoft’s Surface tablet isn’t the Apple iPad, so it shouldn’t be priced like one’ – October 18, 2012
• Dvorak: I really cannot see much of a need for Apple iPad – October 22, 2010
• Even a blind squirrel: John Dvorak finally gets something right about Apple – January 29, 2008
• Dvorak: Apple’s MacBook Air unlikely to be much of a success – January 25, 2008
• Dvorak finally uses a Mac: recommends Mac to friends and neighbors – July 26, 2007
• Dvorak on Apple iPhone: ‘I think Apple can do wrong and I think this is it’ – January 13, 2007
• Dvorak trolls: ‘Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone’ – March 28, 2007
• Analyst called iPhone an ‘enigma’ but that doesn’t stop him from predicting its failure – March 28, 2007
• Apple sells 450,000 of Dvorak’s ‘nutty’ Nike+iPod Sport Kits in under three months – September 13, 2006
• Video: Dvorak admits to baiting Apple Mac users for hits – June 10, 2006
• Dvorak thinks iPod+Nike Sport Kit is ‘nutty’ – May 24, 2006
• Dvorak: ‘Apple Computer should change its name for good’ to avoid future Apple Corps litigation – March 29, 2006
• Dvorak: Will Apple ditch Mac OS X for Microsoft’s Windows? – February 16, 2006

Here are some of the bloated gasbag’s greatest emissions:

• The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a “mouse.” There is no evidence that people want to use these things. — John C. Dvorak, 1984

• Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone… What Apple risks here is its reputation as a hot company that can do no wrong. If it’s smart it will call the iPhone a ‘reference design’ and pass it to some suckers to build with someone else’s marketing budget. Then it can wash its hands of any marketplace failures… Otherwise I’d advise people to cover their eyes. You are not going to like what you’ll see. — John C. Dvorak, 2007

• iPhone which doesn’t look, I mean to me, I’m looking at this thing and I think it’s kind of trending against, you know, what’s really going, what people are really liking on, in these phones nowadays, which are those little keypads. I mean, the Blackjack from Samsung, the Blackberry, obviously, you know kind of pushes this thing, the Palm, all these… And I guess some of these stocks went down on the Apple announcement, thinking that Apple could do no wrong, but I think Apple can do wrong and I think this is it. — John C. Dvorak, 2007

• The Apple iPad is not going to be the company’s next runaway best seller. — John C. Dvorak, 2010

• Within the decade, Microsoft should have a minimum of 300 stores. They should do as well as the Apple Stores. — John C. Dvorak, 2012

MacDailyNews Take: John, you bloated gasbag, you will be missed! R.I.P.

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