So every once in a while, usually when I’ve smoked a little too much weed and I’m feeling kind of malicious, I like to crank call old Agent Sculley and just frig with his head. I’ll call him at like 3 in the morning and ask him if he’s got Prince Albert in a can, or I’ll tell him I’m a telemarketer raising money for the Unemployed CEO Foundation, or I’ll do the one where I pretend I work for the phone company and I’m down at the end of his street and please don’t pick up the phone cause if you do I’ll get shocked, then I call back and when he picks up I scream like I’m being shocked and I go, “Ow! Ow! Ouch! Hey! Bzzzzzt! Bzzzzzt! Hey! I told you not to pick up the phoooooone!!! G-g-g-g-g-g … aaaaaaaarghhhhh!!!”
But last week I outdid myself. I called him in the evening, right after dinner. I was totally baked but whatever. I asked him if he wanted to come in and talk to us about running Apple again. “Like, dude, I know we’ve had our differences, but I’m so busy with the Pixar and Disney stuff, I can’t do both jobs, I’m burning out, blah blah, so we really need you, I’m begging you, please, why don’t you come in.” The poor suffering idiot hasn’t had a job since we tossed him out in 1993 and so of course he falls for it and gets all dressed up in a suit for his big comeback and he comes in yesterday morning thinking he’s going to have this big meeting with me and the entire board — only when he gets to reception they tell him that nobody is expecting him, there’s no board meeting, and they totally pretend that they’ve never heard of him, and they tell him I’m not even on the campus, I’m in China or something — even though really I’m up in the Jobs Pod with Jon Ives and we’re just like totally watching the whole thing and laughing our asses off. Ha! You been punked, bitch! He totally knew it too and for a long time he just stared up at the security camera giving me the finger. Then he just stomped out, looking like he was going to cry. We switched to the camera feed from the parking lot and saw him slumped in his Mercedes for like ten minutes, just staring out into space. Priceless.
Other blog entries include “Leak this, you motherfriggers,” “Woz, seriously, get a grip,” “Michael Dell freaks me out,” “sometimes i feel like a great chef,” “My life is awesome,” and much, much more. Priceless, indeed.
“The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, Aged 51 1/2” is here: http://secretdiaryofstevejobs.blogspot.com/
MacDailyNews Take: Bookmarked.
back to the convent sister…
meatofmoose
Is this another one of those times where
subtle sarcasm and irony don’t come across
well? If not, then you are the scariest freakin’
person alive. You need to inhale something elicit.
That’s the best blog I’ve ever read. The one about Michael Dell is hilarious.
Meatofmoose,
You listen to Rush Limbaugh, don’t you? Oh wait, he’s addicted to an assload of pills. Sorry, I forgot.
meatofmoose,
stop talking bs, weed is no more harmful than alcohol, only one is illegal and the other isn’t. don’t know why, people who say weed is illegal are basically saying God made a mistake, since it is a natural plant, not man made poision (alcohol).
Learn to live a little.
Jim,
You are so right. I can only imagine where this is headed though.
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meatofmoose, Cubert,
Yeah I really love when right wing wankers like Rush thump on their desks saying what “ought” to happen to druggies and fornicators.
Meanwhile he’s so strung out on pills he doesn’t realize he’s been caught twice with dope, a bag of vegetables and a prostitute.
Oh sorry, the vegetables and prostitute was Jimmy Swaggart. Another I’m better than all of you sinners asshole.
Eric…
“Hope none of you blew Pepsi out your nose at my little joke…”
Nobody’s buying that you were joking. Your original post wasn’t a funny haha kind of post. It was a rant. You typed before you thought. Just take the beating and learn from it. Don’t lie about it to cover your rear. It just makes it worse. Now instead of just being dumb, you’re also dishonest.
Meatofmoose reminds me of Crystal…
ahhh….. I miss crystal. She was a hoot.
Hey,
Bono wouldn’t drive a Maserati, I bet he’s a Civic Hybrid kind of guy (yeah right).
Thanks for the comments, lads. Your well-thought, objective, and superbly analytical responses prove my points precisely.
Dogfriend…. you’re right. I couldn’t stop laughing at the blog entry about Michael Dell. Too funny!
You hardly made a point. But at least we know that you are self righteous.
Thorin,
Yeah, Jesus had a name for meatofmoose and his kind. It was scribe or Pharisee.
meatofmoose,
Holier than thou wanker! Haven’t you ever heard our lords saying? Let he who lives in glass house cast first stone.
It’s been my observation working in the criminal justice system, my occasional visits to the Emergency Department and Medical Examiner’s office, and assignments to detention facilities that I have found no ethanol-swilling or pot smoking Nobel prize-winning laureates or nominees. However, I find an incredible abundance of unintelligent and self-serving parasites of society sucking taxpayer money after exercising their stupidity and causing harm to innocent and unsuspecting citizens.
not fired? well… technically, that’s true. i guess he was more-like forced out.
===
“It’s been my observation working in the criminal justice system, my occasional visits to the Emergency Department and Medical Examiner’s office, and assignments to detention facilities that I have found no ethanol-swilling or pot smoking Nobel prize-winning laureates or nominees. However, I find an incredible abundance of unintelligent and self-serving parasites of society sucking taxpayer money after exercising their stupidity and causing harm to innocent and unsuspecting citizens.”
===
…but enough about judges, cops, guards, doctors and lawyers…
<rimshot>
I’m here all week ladies and gentlemen…
p.s. Nobel invented dynamite and owned Bofors a Swedish arms manufacturer…
Nice try, Eric, but no.
You’re an idiot.
Admit it and go on…
To be guilty of hypocrisy each of my critics would need to have irrefutable evidence that I also privately use illicit drugs, revel in intoxicating substances, and/or encourage this behavior, while publicly condemning the same. Since none of you defensively self-righteous moralists of marijuana use have this evidence this, again, proves my point that mental acuity and logical reasoning are not hallmark characteristics of proponents of cannabis use.
meatofmoose,
Your beliefs are your own, I respect that. I
have many beliefs of my own (for good or bad).
I choose, however, to keep many of them to myself,
as this is hardly the forum for being “preachy”.
Come on, you had to have known that you would get
flamed for that! Give it up.
Nobel?
…. and so what?
I am not aware that Nobel admitted, was convicted, or otherwise proven to smoke weed.
The proper and effective use of weaponry is a good thing, especially when defending home and hearth, family and friends, country and community from attacks by terrorists, criminals, and other social deviants. Consider this, the threat of retaliation, hurt, harm, or even death is often sufficient to deter some individuals from acts of terror and criminality against innocent citizens. You blithely revile the development of weapons while enjoying the security that others provide using these same devices. The people who place themselves at risk every day to protect and defend your freedom, your life, and your property deserve your gratitude and not your contempt, you spineless coward.
My Observations,
Everything you said is totally irrelevant
to the point of discussion.
Yes, there are many unintelligent parasites
that drink and smoke pot. LOL
Observations,
Don’t get me wrong, I am fair. I agree with SOME of the things you say. The Swedes make a damn fine bolt action rifle too.
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BTW,
I find it amusing that an individual that would
call someone a spineless coward (tacky) doesn’t
have the balls to use a consistent call sign
on a Mac enthusuast forum. Curious.
My Observations,
“I have found no ethanol-swilling or pot smoking Nobel prize-winning laureates or nominees.”
You are grouping Alcohol with Pot, so I guess you are an abstinence advocate? Or perhaps a prohibitionist?
If you look back through time, a lot of brilliant people imbibed mind altering substances.