“Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as ‘whittling,'” James Benfly reports for The North Denver News.
“‘This is really, on the edge sort of stuff,’ explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. ‘We’re turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency,'” Benfly reports.
“The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel’s new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift ‘pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery – though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise,'” Benfly reports.
Full article here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “MT” for the heads up.]
They should’ve altered Martel’s and Dr. Franken… er, Spars’ brains before they started “whittling.”
(The article is dated August 8th, not April 1st – that was the first thing we checked.)
[UPDATE: 8/14/07, 10:59am EDT: The publication has now admitted that the article is meant to be a joke.]
“politize”
Is that like
Martinizing ?
This is the trend at Apple lately, making devices that are not human body friendly
Case’s in point:
1: The small keyboard of the iPhone, Solution? Allow rotation of the keyboard.
2: Glossy screens on computers causing eyestrain and headaches. Solution? Provide Matte option on computer screens.
3: Mighty Mouse is not ergo friendly, hurts the hand to use and mouse ball gets stuck. Solution? Rethink the Mighty Mouse.
Did the idiot doctor tell him he couldn’t ‘unwhittle’ his thumbs?
The does get stranger and stranger.
My wife and I have been pinching clothespins which I modified by whittling on our infants index fingers with the intent to cause her to grow nice pointy tips for touchscreen navigation.
She cries a lot anyway, and we’re sure she’ll thank us when she’s old enough to appreciate it.
Future MDN column: Spaghetti Jar dysfunction, now known as Steve Jobs Syndrome (SJS) forces thumbless masses to new Zunephone.
Well… dang, I guess maybe I *did* lay that keyboard out a little close… Guess there’ll be no Queen’s award for me this year… OTOH, maybe I should start looking for plastic surgery IPOs…
I see a class-action suit from the “big people” (when are they call themself for what they are: OBESE) to Apple for discriminating them because of the little size of the touch screen in the future
Sir, if your thumb is of the size of the screen itself, face it: YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! And appreciate the fact that is a medical condition, but it’s still a problem.
And I’m no skinny guy, but man, there are limits…..
I have to say I am somewhat skeptical of the article about whittling. I mean, the iPhone has only been out a month or so. In that time, this guy has 1) bought an iPhone, 2) used it enough to decided his meathooks are too big, 3) found a surgeon to do this technique, 4) had the surgery, and 5) recovered enough from it to comment on its effectiveness.
All that in 30 days? I don’t think so….
Isn’t a good thing he can’t open Spaghetti jar now he might lost weight to even up his hands.
I suppose he had to take them out of his ass first.
“I suppose he had to take them out of his ass first.”
Not necessarily.
I’m not so convinced that’s a real story.
This is big hoax. Please check your sources before you publish this sort of stuff. http://blogs.business2.com/apple/2007/08/hoax-alert-ipho.html
But there was the true story of a Windows user who had to have his dick shortened to 3 inches when he started using Macs so that he wouldn’t feel out of place in the shower at Apple events.