“Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as ‘whittling,'” James Benfly reports for The North Denver News.
“‘This is really, on the edge sort of stuff,’ explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. ‘We’re turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency,'” Benfly reports.
“The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel’s new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift ‘pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery – though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise,'” Benfly reports.
Full article here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “MT” for the heads up.]
They should’ve altered Martel’s and Dr. Franken… er, Spars’ brains before they started “whittling.”
(The article is dated August 8th, not April 1st – that was the first thing we checked.)
[UPDATE: 8/14/07, 10:59am EDT: The publication has now admitted that the article is meant to be a joke.]
what when will the iPhone implants become available?
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Dumb & dumbest!
What a prat.
Geeze he couldn’t wait for future improvements from Apple. Maybe if I whittle my hands my cock will fee bigger.
This isn’t so strange. After he breast feeds his talking monkeys, Thomas bounces on his spring-loaded knees over to the tentacle farm where he keeps his giant eye on thousands of egg experiments. SSDD.
got the link wrong, should point to “the onion”
I actually thought it was typical Microsoft to require their users to upgrade their hardware in order to use a new product
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He could use the TapRight Stylus from http://tapright.igiki.com
two average americans supporting the president.
He also drops from 1st place to last in the Thumb Wresting league…
I actually had my pinky removed and have been using it as a stylus since June 29th. no regrets works great. Although it did start to stink for a while I’m past that now. Now it just looks like beef jerky.
what? No picture? What kind of reporting is that? I want to see his slightly effeminate thumbs.
And it’s not even April 1st.
It would have been less painful to just add static charged nipple extenders. And a better conversation starter as well.
this guy gets two thumbs down!
IN RELATED NEWS, “Dr. Robert Fox Spars”
has applied for
“Works with iPhone” certification for his procedure.
Look for the “Works with iPhone” logo to find accessories designed to connect specifically to iPhone and certified by the developer to meet Apple performance standards.
Ralph… I just spit out my coffee when I read your post.
@marko
lol, thanks for the laugh!
Idiot. Complete and utter idiot.
Technology is supposed to adapt to us, not the other way around.
And such a permanent mistake.
The has been getting stranger every day. Today was no exception.
This should be required reading for all Proctologists.
@MacRaven,
Yeah. I’ve been wondering what’s up with The myself. A and And have been acting a bit suspicious, too.
@ralph.
Maybe i will get my cock whittled down, so the ladies will stop grimacing in pain.
@GeorgeW… only a real twit would take a hilarious story and try and politize it. Give it a rest butthead.
on topic – the real question is, what handle won’t be typing on MDN for the next couple of weeks because of “personal difficulties!”
You want to check exactly where you’re putting that thing.