Dvorak on Apple Watch: ‘Yawn – I’m not going to buy one’

“The rollout of the Apple iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus was something of a disaster insofar as its streaming of the event was concerned. It was a major gaffe; a total embarrassment for Tim Cook,” John Dvorak writes for PC Magazine. “None of this bodes well for Apple cloud services or anything Apple does that that involves scaling up to handle more users.”

MacDailyNews Take: Further, a live webcast has nothing whatsoever to do with Apple’s iCloud or anything Apple does that that involves scaling up to handle more users, beyond live webcasting. That said, The inept hack responsible for Apple’s livestream yesterday should have already received his pink slip by now, if Apple is still operating properly.

“Yes, there was the expected watch, dubbed the Apple Watch,” Dvorak writes. “Yawn.”

“Yes, the watch is nerd cool with a good interface and sensors and one is 18K gold. But I’m not going to be using anything like this as my navigation map while I’m driving in around San Francisco,” Dvorak writes. “It is simply not that much different than the other watches—or an iPod nano for that matter.”

“Guess what? I’m not going to go buy an Apple Watch. A lot of people will get one to show off to their friends. It’s disappointing that it does not incorporate a phone. Fine, okay, it’s a watch not a phone,” Dvorak writes. “It’s also not a camera (but is a viewfinder for the iPhone camera). It requires ownership of a new iPhone (5 or 6). And the phone has to be with you for the watch to be useful. I do not like this idea.”

MacDailyNews Take: Of course, the Apple Watch is plenty useful without the iPhone. But understanding that would take approximately 5 minutes of research, so Dvorak is out, of course.

“I have to assume that in the future there will be a camera on the phone for the next generation of selfies and there will be an integrated phone, not just this walkie-talkie nonsense,” Dvorak writes. “And you can be sure if Apple Pay becomes popular it will be on the Apple Watch — a device which was actually predicted by IBM in the 1980s.”

Read more in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: As if a “prediction” nullifies anything. Where’s the oh-so-prescient IBM’s “IBM Watch” that executes “IBM Pay” mobile payments seamlessly and securely? Answer: There isn’t one, of course – not from IBM or any other so-called technology company.

The Bloated Gasbag™ is like the anti-hereMikey: If Dvorak hates it, everybody else is going to love it!

With Dvorak’s infamous and utterly predictable kiss of life, Apple Watch is now a certified hit. Cases in point:

• “There are a lot of flaws with the MacBook Air, and it is unlikely to be much of a success.” – John C. Dvorak, Bloated Gas Bag, January 25, 2008

• “Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone… What Apple risks here is its reputation as a hot company that can do no wrong. If it’s smart it will call the iPhone a ‘reference design’ and pass it to some suckers to build with someone else’s marketing budget. Then it can wash its hands of any marketplace failures… Otherwise I’d advise people to cover their eyes. You are not going to like what you’ll see.” – John C. Dvorak, Bloated Gas Bag, March 28, 2007

• “iPhone which doesn’t look, I mean to me, I’m looking at this thing and I think it’s kind of trending against, you know, what’s really going, what people are really liking on, in these phones nowadays, which are those little keypads. I mean, the Blackjack from Samsung, the Blackberry, obviously, you know kind of pushes this thing, the Palm, all these… And I guess some of these stocks went down on the Apple announcement, thinking that Apple could do no wrong, but I think Apple can do wrong and I think this is it.” – John C. Dvorak, Bloated Gas Bag, January 13, 2007

• “The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a ‘mouse.’ There is no evidence that people want to use these things.” – John C. Dvorak, Bloated Gas Bag, February 19, 1984

Related articles:
Dvorak: I really cannot see much of a need for Apple iPad – October 22, 2010
Dvorak on Apple iPad: ‘First of all there is no stylus’ – January 29, 2010
Dvorak: Apple’s MacBook Air unlikely to be much of a success – January 25, 2008
Dvorak on Apple iPhone: ‘I think Apple can do wrong and I think this is it’ – January 13, 2007

66 Comments

  1. You have to give the guy credit. After 30 years of flawless predictions from the paid drive-by tech-hit artist he is consistently WRONG.

    After an impressive rollout of products, onward and upward …

    1. I hear you buddy. He was pro Apple for a time. He then decided that Microsoft was right and Apple was wrong and he got kicked off MacUser and went to a PC mag.

      He is a sarcastic SOB who pulls more chains than a S&M madam.

  2. He knows what he’s doing.
    He’s all about click bait.
    He is very accurate, if you just invert his premises.
    So, he writes something obviously wrong to drum up outrage and clicks.
    As he makes a good living off of your outrage, it’s best to ignore him.

  3. This is clickbait and you’ve been suckered if you clicked on it. Dvorak knows exactly what he is doing. The real reason he’s not buying the watch is he doesn’t buy anything, he mooches freebies. Leo LaPorte says his house in the past has looked like a UPS store because of all the boxes of junk for review of which not all gets returned.

  4. Remember Dvorak has admitted to being a hit whore — attack Apple and watch the hits on his webpage skyrocket.

    I hate to use that term [iPad Killer] since the iPad is probably dead anyway.
    No Agenda podcast #177 (February 2010)

    Within the decade, Microsoft should have a minimum of 300 stores. They should do as well as the Apple Stores … [Microsoft] is going to experiment with holiday pop-up shops this year in various cities. I predict they will be hugely successful.
    “Microsoft Retail Stores Will Rival Apple Stores” in PC Magazine (3 October 2012)

    [A]s for my prediction that [the iPhone] would be a bad idea for Apple to pursue, anything can still happen. Time is a cruel mistress.
    “Wrong? Dvorak blames his ‘getting screwed over’ by Apple” in NetworkWorld (27 June 2012)

    The Apple iPad is not going to be the company’s next runaway best seller. Not if the industry can help it. … with the iPad, Apple may have irked its somewhat new partner Intel Corp. Intel gets spanked by nobody.
    “The iPad faces industry backlash” in The Wall Street Journal MarketWatch (12 February 2010)

    Nobody can deny that Apple is fashionable, and most iPhone users buy the newest so they can be fashionable. To do this right, Apple needs a new phone every quarter.
    Giddyup, Apple! in PC Magazine (29 June 2012)

    1. @ John C Divorak:
      There are assholes and whole asses. Let the shoe fit were it may.

      WELL SOMEBODY LISTENED:
      “Apple has a flaw, it’s the inability of the company to crush competition using the kind of aggressive tactics that companies like LIKE MICROSOFT AND INTEL have always applied.” Apple’s Swan Song | John C. Dvorak | PCMag. January 14, 2013.

      Sounds like he is trying to write his own obituary!

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