Apple sued because its devices can display porn

“And now for a steamy lawsuit. A lewd, lascivious lawsuit that, though it lacks naughty close-ups, makes up for them in, some might say, naked gall,” Chris Matyszczyk reports for CNET.

“For here is a legal demand that Apple should sell its products with a built-in antiporn filter,” Matyszczyk reports. “Yes, a Tennessee lawyer is suing Apple because its products are exposing him to rottenness at his core… It seems that Chris Sevier, a lawyer of disputed age from Nashville, believes that Apple is so very negligent in allowing its customers to immediately access that thing called the Web — the one where pornography lurks around every corner.”

Matyszczyk reports, “Sevier claims, you see, to have been a victim — a victim of porn. He is sad that Apple didn’t warn him of the ‘damage that pornography causes.’ Moreover, he insists that he was trying to log onto Facebook.com when a completely innocent maneuver — a spelling mistake — landed him on F***book.com.
This ‘appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and led to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences.'”

MacDailyNews Take: We’ll pause as most everyone — of appropriate age and NSFW, of course — checks out F***book.com.

Matyszczyk continues, “It’s quite obvious (at least to Sevier) that Apple should have known this would happen. After all, there are millions of porn addicts roaming the world, causing havoc and even standing for public office in New York. The complaint says that ‘Apple employees know that a man is born full of harmonies and attacked to by women engaging in sexual acts with the intent to cause vicarious arousal.’ Yes, that is a quote. It seems that ‘hormones’ may, in Sevier’s head, be harmonious.”

More comedy in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: That’s what we call a frivolascivious lawsuit.

54 Comments

  1. Based on his “typo”, it is obvious to me that Sevier is a F*ckface.

    Apple and the court should be able to seek damages from this idiot for wasting their time and resources.

  2. Decades ago he could have tried to sue trees because they result in the paper on which nekkid womens are displayed in them evil godforsaken durty muggazines like Playboy.

    This should be interesting.

    1. Plus the spelling mistake can happen on any PC or device with a browser with access to the Internet.

      Did he not make the mistake before Apple devices existed!??

  3. I don’t watch PORN because I was led to believe that going to the grocery store can lead to SEX at the check out stand. Not true at all. I’m gonna sue!

  4. The ‘a’ and ‘e’ keys are on the left hand side of the keyboard, while the ‘u’ and ‘k’ are on the right. I have a very hard time believing he typed them by mistake.

    But whatever. Nothing is more fun than watching a pious idiot make a fool of himself.

  5. So because some cheapskate numpty lawyer (FFS) can’t take responsibility for his own actions, he resorts to legal action by suing Apple — not his ISP, not Google, not the owners of the site, but APPLE. How the fuck did this moron ever pass the Bar?

    I’ll be the one at trial in the public gallery with the industrial-sized bag of popcorn, a sun lounger and a large cooler of Pimms.

    =:~)

    1. He is no longer permitted to practice law “due to mental illness or infirmity” which, unfortunately, does not prevent him from filing nuisance suits like this in pro per. . . representing himself.

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