“To its credit, despite my frequent, loudmouthed criticism, Microsoft has graciously offered to let me sit in on a Vista and Office launch event in New York. CEO Steve Ballmer will be there, and apparently there will be a ‘moderated Q&A’ after we have a little nosh,” Seth Jayson reports for The Motley Fool.
“I’d love to ask Ballmer, “Dude, can I ‘squirt’ you a little something from my brown Zune?” so he could see just how lame “the social” is in reality. Or I’d like to hit him with, “Why did uninstalling Office 2007 cripple my Office 2003 software?” and share my ongoing reinstallation nightmare,” Jayson writes. “But instead, I’m going to give this opportunity to all you Fools out there. Assuming they let me up to the mic following this little stunt, I hereby pledge my face time to ask a question of your suggestion.”
Jayson writes, “Wondering why Mr. Softy doesn’t just leave the portable media space to Apple? Want to know why it continues to butt heads with Google and Yahoo! on search, even though it’s getting trounced? Want to know why there’s still so little video and music content on the Xbox 360, despite serious, device-integrated challenges from Disney and Sony?”
Jayson writes, “Here’s your chance to query Microsoft.”
Send your suggestions to Mr. Seth Jayson here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Adam W.” for the heads up.]
Don’t bother sending “Why don’t you seek professional help?” as we’ve already sent that one in ourselves.
Related articles:
Microsoft CEO Ballmer laughs at Apple iPhone – January 17, 2007
Ballmer: ‘Zune halo effect’ will help Windows Vista – December 06, 2006
Ballmer analyzes Microsoft’s One Big Mistake, Vista… er, ‘One Big’ Vista Mistake – August 02, 2006
Ballmer: I’m Microsoft’s ‘primary champion of innovation’ – July 27, 2006
What happens when you combine clips of Young Frankenstein and Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer? – June 08, 2006
Microsoft CEO Ballmer spends two days unsuccessfully trying to clean Windows PC malware – June 05, 2006
Couldn’t you just buy a Mac and run Windows? Microsoft CEO Ballmer: ‘No, we prefer real PCs’ – April 29, 2006
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer admits to brainwashing his kids not to use Apple iPods – March 28, 2006
Chair hurling Microsoft CEO Ballmer: ‘I’m going to f—ing kill Google’ – September 03, 2005
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer: ‘We love to be first’ – January 25, 2005
Microsoft CEO Ballmer: ‘Apple iPod users are music thieves’ – October 04, 2004
“Have you considered getting your tongue pierced? Maybe an Apple shaped stud?”
Don’t you wish there was a “Buffoon’s Anonymous?”
How far can your tongue go up Bill Gate’s ass?
“So do you lick Bill’s ass with that tongue still?
Exactly how many chairs have you broken since the announcement of the iPhone?
Is it tiring to always be the dumbest guy in the room or are you just oblivious to it?
What is that stench?
How’s that Zune working out for ya?
“are you aware of this invvention called anti-perspirant?”
“do you get a bulk discount on chairs at office depot?”
“will you be doing a follow up to your smash hit ‘Developers Developers Developers Developers’ ?”
When is “Developers. Developers, Developers” ll slated for release?
I would like him to ask to “squirt a song” to Ballmer’s Zune. Have the “big man” show him how easy it is!
And When he doesn’t have one, figure out why?
Wouldn’t you just be a fat bald used salesman somewhere today if you hadn’t been assigned to the same dorm as Bill Gates?
Do you consider that dorm assignment with Gates to be the single luckiest thing that has ever happened to any human being?
macromancer-
you must type faster than I do!
Heard this on Fast Money last night: ZUNE stands for Zero Users Not Exaggerating.
“Dude, can I ‘squirt’ you a little something from my brown Zune?”
I love it!
Does it hurt?
macromancer – Good questions
Ask him about iPhone and Zune again. His first answer was so priceless, I’d like to see what he’d do with it the second time around.
Will there be a ‘Young Frankenstein II’ any time soon?
I know it’s not nice to wish ill on anyone, but this is so funny.
You know that series they run on MSNBC, “to catch a predator”?
Well, wouldn’t it be funny if….
TEE HEEE HEEEEEE!!!!
Will U.S. digital spying and Microsoft’s compliance with U.S. efforts
not undermine confidence in Windows on the part of governments
around the world?
What’s the point, there won’t be anything truthful in the answer.
Ask him if it’d be too much to ask for him to keep his tongue in his mouth from now on.
Do you sweat when you produce your daily Zune?
What’s it like being a tongue attached to an organic life support system?
How do you make that bulb in your mouth light up?
How does someone with so little originality make billions of dollars without breaking the law?
Real question. If Apple has had no security problems with an operating system built over a unix variant, why doesn’t microsoft just build their Vista over a unix variant?
Are you Zune Tang?
With all that squirting and sweating going on, have you considered just purchasing the rights to Scotchgard?
How bummed are you Apple kept so much of Leopard secret, did you consider pushing Vista’s release back until they did?
Mr. Balmer, er Baldy,
What will you say, when it is all said and done, and you go into eternity WITHOUT all your money, power, resources, and leverage, and stand accountable to God for what you have done here on earth, and HAVE to explain all the wealth and earthly success achieved with inferior, lesser than, uninspiring, unintuitive, unfinished, and stagnating products that have stagnated and stifled the entire tech industry in this country compared to the rest of the world, all for the only reason of padding your wallet and making you think your pretend friend 3rd-party companies are really true and loyal friends? History will show the last ten years
this country spinning its wheels tech-wise, while countries like China, Japan, Europe, and South Korea were eating our lunch. It’s not poliical, it is because of the Micro$oft monopoly! If you are going to lead and have power, you have to have the best product, and you DON”T.
“If Apple ceased to exist…where would any of their ideas come from?”
Is chair throwing an olympic sport in Redmond…
Just ignore him, like he’s not even there.
Here are my questions for Ballmer:
1) What’s on your iPod?
2) Do you plan to get the 4 or 8 gig iPhone?
3) How long have you been walking upright?
I Love the MDN Ballmer photo collection.
Why are the people running Microsoft evil?
Question: How does a clown like you get to be CEO of Microsoft?
Can I have your children?
Your potential. Our passion.
Do you consider that dorm assignment with Gates to be the single luckiest thing that has ever happened to any human being?
Nah, that’s the second single-luckiest.
The luckiest is having rich mommy and daddy lawyers who land your unqualified little hobby company a crucial exclusive deal with IBM. Remember, Bill didn’t even do that himself.
Wouldn’t you just be a fat bald used salesman somewhere today if you hadn’t been assigned to the same dorm as Bill Gates?
Ballmer would be an unemployed (and unemployable) washed up ex-salesman with about a ten page resume, if it weren’t for some bastard alignment of the stars. Oh what fate can hand out…
Put that ghonorea-laced thing back in your filthy mouth, dee-tee-dee.
HIlarious. My MDN Magic Word: develop
Can you explain the term “People Ready?”
When you need grudge sex, do you make Connie dress up to look like Eric Schmidt?
Do they treat you well in your cage?
What do you think of planet Earth? When are you going back?
Have you auditioned for Young Frankenstein II?
How many bananas do you eat per day?
Why are you such a twat?
Do you really believe Microsoft is an innovative company? Really? Please provide examples to justify your answer.
Wouldn’t you be a lot happier selling used cars?
How do you sleep at night?
When was the last time one of your children asked for an iPod? Have they asked since the Zune was released?
How many black turtlenecks do you own?
Now that Microsoft “Tiger” is out, what is your projection time for some early beta releases of your next project, Microsoft “Leopard”???
Monkeyboy, when you finally get your iPhone, lets have a conference call with Gates to find out when you can put this pondering, tired Microsoft idea to rest so the rest of the world can finally progress into the, what do they call it, the industrial revolution?
Did you have Monkeyboy engraved on your iPod when you bought it with Apple’s free engraving service, or did you just purchase and off the shelf stock model?
Why do all of the Microsoft European representatives use Apple Inc.’s Macintoshes during the demonstration of Microsofts new innovative products???
I heard that during the development of Vista the photocopier at your Redmond office broke. Have you had a chance to replace it yet?
Have you ever felt a sense of shame for the terrible job that you’ve done as CEO of Microsoft and have you ever considered doing the right thing for the company and the stockholders by resigning?
Do your shareholders resent your pissing away billions of dollars trying to gain control of the consumer marketplace and actually getting nowhere?
I’d ask him just one question. “Why?”
First a joke question…
What does Steve Ballmer’s home town do for an idiot since he left?
And, more seriously…
The product you’re announcing today is a pale facsimile of the functionality originally slated for Vista.
Firstly, why has it taken five years to deliver so little in the way of new functionality?
Secondly, what went wrong in the development cycle that Microsoft promised so much and delivered so little? Is the problem in the way the company is managed? Or is it in the way the development process is managed? Or did you just bite off more than you could chew?
Thirdly, when can your customers expect to see the “missing” functionality?
Fourthly, when will Microsoft deliver Windows XP SP3?
Answer: “Because I am a multiBillionaire. That’s Bah-illions with a B… Uh, sorry, were you asking a question?”
Mikrosopht suk
Is that fat guy bag-sweat I smell?
What drugs were you on the day of your “Developer’s! Developer’s! Developer’s! Developer’s! Developer’s! ad infinitum” performance?
What anti-Persperant did you use? I want to know so that I don’t waste my money on that particular product.
What exactly causes that nasty, thick, yellow, film on your tongue?
Fanatic Realist,
Are you a MSFT shareholder? Seriously.
You need to stand up at the next shareholder’s meeting and ask your serious questions, pointedly and directly.
Maybe you’ll get thrown a chair. Or more likely you’ll get escorted out. Those would just validate your questions.
But as an Apple forum, why should we care? Current MS management has been manna for Apple.
THE ULTIMATE QUESTION: WHY BOTHER?
Settle a bet for me… Is ignorance bliss?
Do you actually believe the things that you say?
If my Mac has proven immune, out of the box, to adware, spyware and all sorts of malware, then why does Vista require special security software?
On what years are you targeting profitability for the entertainment and search divisions?
So how’s your Uncle Fester, do you guys catch up often and is he your business inspiration?
Nooflit tingle my jinglebit. Floogiflebit to klord?
Does Microsoft have any real vision (total world domination doesn’t count)?
Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies, you fat bastard, you fat bastard, who ate all the pies!
PLEASE please ask him when he will go back to selling used cars.
From all I read about the man it must be where he started out!
PLEASE please ask him when he will go back to selling used cars.
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From all I read about the man it must be where he started out!
Define user “potential”, then compare and contrast OS X and Windows Vista in terms of meeting user potential.
How come you so stupid?
I’d love to give him some questions on innovation, but the ‘privacy statement’ on Motley Fool has put me off registering. I do not want my email address given to random commercial enterprises.
Ask the monkey, “Isn’t about time you pulled the rip cord on your golden parachute?
When you are you going to shut down Microsoft and give the money back to the shareholders?
Your margins are slipping and your products are bug ridden insecure unusable crap.
Microsoft… Your problems, caused by our products.
MDN Magic Word “question”
Do you really think you will be employable after you finish fucking up M$’s dominating market position?
under pressure…
I’ve been taking a lot of medication recently, but nothing so powerful as to make me consider purchasing MSFT shares.
Why?
Back on the 5th September 2004, MSFT was worth $292.75 billion. At the close of the market yesterday, it was worth $300 billion.
I don’t know much about investing, but I’m sure you’re supposed to see more of a return than that.
Actually, I know what’s wrong at Microsoft so most of my questions are rhetorical. Although, I do suspect that Ballmer and the rest of the senior management team have no clue about the problems at Microsoft or, at the most extreme, that there are problems at Microsoft.
If you ever wondered what it would be like to be a witness to the demise of the Roman Empire, watch Microsoft over the next ten years – it’ll be a hoot.
Let’s talk about your private life Mr. Ballmer.
Do you have a photo of Steve Jobs and Jonathon Ives on your dartboard at home?
Do you secretly watch Steve Jobs Keynote’s in the privacy of your own home and:
a.) sob uncontrollably?
or
b.) throw every chair in the room at the screen?
Umm-kaay…and our final question.
When you were a child, were you ever reprmanded by teachers or parents for poor anger management? Maybe throwing things when you could not have your way, or when you got so mad because a classmate had something better what you had, but money could not buy it for you? Because maybe the kid made the toy himself and it was just more fun than any of your store bought toys?
Loved reading every one of these 2 pages of comments! No, I am not lying, and, yes, I have no life. Some real gems in there.
Fanatic Realist,
Actually, I know what’s wrong at Microsoft so most of my questions are rhetorical. Although, I do suspect that Ballmer and the rest of the senior management team have no clue about the problems at Microsoft or, at the most extreme, that there are problems at Microsoft.
Ballmer definitely has no clue. Corporate management always loses touch when the money is easy and the times look good.
Yes MSFT’s returns have stunk (esp. compared to AAPL’s), but it’d be worth owning a couple shares just for the humor of raising hell at a shareholder’s meeting and see what kind of response MS could muster. IIRC owning even a single share gives one the right to stand up and air questions.
If you ever wondered what it would be like to be a witness to the demise of the Roman Empire, watch Microsoft over the next ten years – it’ll be a hoot.
IMO it’ll be like what happened in Detroit. Except it’ll take 5-10 years instead of 40.
After Rome fell we had that nasty little period of the Dark Ages. Maybe Apple could spare us all that and fast-forward right into the Renaissance?
“Are you Zune Tang”
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-thats the best
Mr. Ballmer,
With all of the resources that MS has to throw at every new, little and big, personal computing technology that comes out, why wouldn’t MS choose to spend all of it’s considerable resources on making as near-perfect on OS as has ever been developed – and before you give me the obvious answer, I mean really, why wouldn’t MS just make the ultimate operating system? MS does have the resources, don’t they?
Steve,
Do you use Apple as a roadmap to where your research and developement is taking Microsoft. You do, right?
When was the last time your company had an original thought.
If you were ever fired from Microsoft do you think Apple would hire you?