We haven’t heard much from chanting, dancing, sweating, chair-throwing and swearing Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer since last month when he admitted that some of Windows Vista’s features will be “kissing cousins” to Mac OS X, so we thought we’d have some fun in the form of another photo captioning contest in the tradition of the ones we’ve held previously featuring RealNetworks’ CEO Rob Glaser.
So what if it’s one of those contests where nobody wins a “real” prize? Who cares! It’s fun anyway. Below is a photo of Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO – let’s see what you can do with it! [Thanks to MDN Reader “Lance” for the photo suggestion.]
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“Oh yeh, with all this press and fanfare, Apple has mine in a vice, like THIS!”
I’m pretty sure he’s demanding more cowbell.
Can’t wait to get back to my office and look at porn on my new iPod
Jesus, what crawled up my ass and died!
“Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting…”
Ka-cock, Ka-cock, Ka-cock
(If you don’t get the reference, Netflix Season 2 of Arrested Development.)
“Bloody superglue!”
“Excellent!” in best Mr. Burns voice possible.
Addressing Microsoft employees:
“You don’t need no stinkin’ towels, just rub your hands together under the fsckin’ air dryers we gave you! Now, get back to work on Vista’s spaghetti code!!!”
Nyuck nyuck nyuck!!!
Awwww yea, my Apple shares went up yet again!
. . . so I saw that iPod, and I grabbed it, and I smushed it up like this, into a little tiny ball. Then I popped it in my mouth and swallowed it. Then I thought, “See, no more iPod. I don’t see any iPod.”
When it came out the other end, all smashed up, I put a “Plays for Sure” sticker on it and shipped it to Best Buy.
“Mr. Miyagi taught me this! If I rub my hands real hard and place them on your PC, all the pains of Windows will disappear!”
“You know how you whack your old Zenith a few times to get a picture? So, when you get the blue screen, you just smack the monitor real hard. BAM! Like that. It’s true. It’s on page 257 of your XP troubleshooter manual. Look it up.”
“Furthermore, let me say that unlike the iPod nano, I can assure you my head will remain shiny and scratch free… even if I regularly have it up my ass!!! Of course it won’t hold 1000 songs, but then a nano can’t thow a chair, now can it???”
“you know that sick feeling you get when youve got a turd so big it doesnt want to come out?”
“We’re gonna take Google, and we’re gonna SQUASH THEM like a virus.”
So Balmer comes into my office while I’m in the middle of a .dll error nightmare and starts crying like a girl. He’s all like, “Billy, please, please, for the love of god! I can’t take it anymore. I can’t live with my pathetic self. I can’t live in denial anymore. It’s eating me up on the inside. The viruses, the .dll errors, the blue screens of death. Please put me out of my misery Billy, let me go! Let me go! I’ve been living a lie! I’ve been using a Mac since Jaguar. I’m so sorry, Bill! Ohhhh, god! Ohhh, god, I just can’t go on like this.” And on and on he went like a blabbering idiot. I bitch slapped him and told him to clean himself up, shape up, or I’d be forced to release those pictures of him and all those developers on that crazy night in Vegas.
You know how far they shoved that god damn tube up my ass. I wish we had never got involved with NBC. Screw Katie Couric
“That guy took my cymbals!!”
OMFG!! I just watched the dancemonkeyboy footage. This guy is nuts, I mean like has body parts of former neighbors in jars in his basement kinda nuts. If this guy doesn’t get some serious help he’ll end up taking hostages in a Wal Mart somewhere. YIKES!!
“Jesus, I wish I had hair”,
“Jesus, I wish I had hair”,
“Jesus, I wish I had hair”
Do not worry Daniel-san. I will fix your leg for the tournament.
“PLEASE, PUH-LEEEEEEZE God, I BEG Of YOU! Please make all our competitors like Apple and Google just miraculously disappear… you know… like in that really cool POOF! dock effect in Mac OS X !!!”
Apple of my eye, my ass. The fsck-ing thing is stuck there! Developer, developers! My Kingdom for some developers!