Dan Lyons: Apple has run out of gas and has nothing interesting to sell

Apple Store“If no news is good news, Apple just hit one out of the ballpark. At the annual Macworld trade show in San Francisco today, Apple put on an excruciating 90-minute keynote that may go down in history as the worst Apple event of all time. In brief: for the first time in recent memory, Apple has nothing interesting to sell. And the company’s remarkable decadelong run as the hottest company in consumer electronics may be drawing to a close,” Dan “Hey, Look At Me, I Used To Pretend To Be a Famous CEO, But Now I Just Turn Tricks For an Irrelevant 12-page Second-Rate Newsweekly That Has To Invent Retarded Horseshit in Increasingly Lame Attempts to Attract Clicks” Lyons writes for NewsWeek.

MacDailyNews Take: Dan Lyons is a royal asshole. Google it. In fact, post that phrase on websites far and wide.

And, oh by the way, Macworld Expo is dead. Get over it. Apple skates to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been. As Phil said during his keynote, likely much to IDG’s chagrin, “Each and every week, now, 3.4 million customers visit Apple Stores aroung the world. That’s unbelievable. And, I’m sorry, I have to make the comparison: That’s a hundred Macworlds each and every week going on around the world in our Apple Stores.”

Lyons continues, “For the past decade Apple CEO Steve Jobs has been the star of Macworld, thrilling the Apple faithful with artfully staged keynotes and amazing new products. But a few weeks ago Apple announced that Jobs would not be in attendance this year and would send Apple marketing chief Phil Schiller in his place. That fueled yet more speculation about Jobs’s health—he’s been looking sick for a year now.”

MacDailyNews Take: Judging by Lyons’ recent work, the fact that Steve Jobs continues to draw breath is driving him insane. Keep on breathing, Steve!

Lyons continues, “How bad was it? Let me put this as politely as possible. It was awful. Almost unbearable… The only event I’ve ever seen that was more boring was Microsoft’s rollout of Windows Vista in New York a few years ago. I was left today with the same feeling I had at the Vista event: these guys have run out of ideas, so now they’re just piling more and more features onto existing products, loading them up with complexity and calling it innovation… My takeaway? This is a company that has run out of gas. The image of Steve Jobs in declining health, losing weight, looking old and tired, turns out to be a perfect metaphor for Apple itself.”

MacDailyNews Take: Dan Lyons seems intent on becoming the poor man’s John Dvorak. And that’s about as sad as it gets. An Atlantic City hooker commands more respect.

Full article – oops, we lost the link. While we look for it, try this one instead: TIME.com wink

Ask Newsweek why they employ a royal asshole and if they really believe that this sort of bullshit is going to stop the bleeding over there:

Now, watch Phil Schiller’s keynote and form your own opinion here.

68 Comments

  1. “When Apple takes 10 years to update a crappy OS with an even crappier OS, then maybe you can say they’ve run out of steam like Microsoft.” – freediverx

    As long as Apple is around Microsoft will not run out of ideas. Notice how they have separate applications now for calendar, mail and contacts in Vista?

  2. It still amazes me how Mac fanboys can defend Apple even after the absolute worst keynote ever. I understand why Apple wants to end its association with MacWorld. They want to make announcements on their terms. The problem is they haven’t been making announcements. At all. The Mac Mini has gone almost two years without any updates. The Mac Pro is has gone about a year without updates. The iMac is at 8 months without an update.

    So Apple announced some new software. Great. I’ve always thought Apple should be a software company anyway. Its time for Apple to license OS X to those hardware companies who actually do release new products every 5 or 6 months. I’m all for owning an HP and running OS X and Final Cut on it.

  3. Boring? So Jobs wasn’t there: things change.

    Meantime, the products were ace — iMovie’s new features alone had me dribbling over the screen.

    And as for a laptop that can keep going for a working day at a time, I’m ready for it right now please.

    And I’m not especially a fanboy — just like products tat can do the job better…

  4. Since the word Whore is being banged around so much. ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”tongue laugh” style=”border:0;” />

    Remember the SNL Weekend Update – (something like)
    Last year we reported that the worst job there is was “Crack Whore”.

    This year there is a New worst job – “Assistant Crack Whore”.

  5. More like Dan Lyons has run out of gas and has nothing interesting to say.

    Though I expected a bit more news, the improvements to iLife and iWorks, which are easily THE best values in software today, were very nice and unexpected.

  6. Dan Lyons has run out of gas and has nothing interesting to say.
    Now that Fake Steve Jobs has been exposed as Lyons and he can no longer ride the coat tales of Mr. Jobs. When Lyons created the Fake Steve Jobs Blog he saw it as a last ditch effort to saving his writing career, that was quickly going down the drain. With Fake Steve Jobs he didn’t need facts and he didn’t need to do any research, all he needed was to try and write crap that was so, beyond real it was funny. Lyons’ Fake Steve is gone, serving it’s purpose to give Lyons a new lease on writing. With the ties of facts, research and ethics cast in the Bin, of course, if News Week had any Journalistic ethics left, Lyons would have been cast out to work for a Gossip Rag. Though I hear you’ve got to do research and have some ethics to work for the National Inquirer. I even hear that reporters and writers that work for Larry Flint’s Porn Rags have to do real research, are held to higher ethical and journalistic standards then today’s so, called main stream media.
    I’d go on to say that most people today are more likely to trust news, stories and information that they read in a “Hustler” then in “News Week”. After all the “Hustler” article will have lots of details, sources and cross references. Even their opinion pieces will be have the supporting facts referenced and often they include the oppositions facts and references too.
    So, Dan My advise to you is don’t loose the “News Week” Gig cause if you do you might actually have to do some real work and you might have to show some journalistic ethics in you’re writing.

  7. “Sadly, Apple will forever live with that fact that the last keynote was nothing short of boring. If Apple wanted to make a lasting impression on it’s last Macworld Expo, it should have done it with a BANG!”

    Yes, they should have just blown up the Moscone Center and have rid us of Dan Lyons and the entire tech press forever.

  8. Lyons continues, “…I was left today with the same feeling I had at the Vista event: these guys have run out of ideas… My takeaway? This is a company that has run out of gas.”

    It sounds like poor Dan has fallen for the rope-a-dope. ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”wink” style=”border:0;” />

    Actually, I picked up a few interesting things in Apple’s announcements:

    1. Next-generation, high-density, smart battery technology is a big deal. I belief that the company with the best solution for energy storage ultimately wins (whether for computers, portable players, phones, cameras or cars).

    2. Numbers 2009 may be an appealing personal data manager for the rest of us. New functions and data context tools are great, as is improved iWork suite integration (e.g. dynamically linked charts).

    3. We have a promising hybrid desktop + cloud solution for business.

  9. I saw the presentation it was lack luster. Face it the fan boys didn’t get to see deity Jobs and of course can’t take any constructive criticism being said about great apple. Apple is moving away from being a niche player in the creative industry to a consumer company that is concerned with renting movies, selling music, and organizing aunt so&so;’s photos. They insist on disposable products as seen by more an built in items and less expandability. 10 years ago apple/jobs made headlines at expandable Macs at half the price of a current MacPro. I see many creative’s moving away from Apple because of the price and lack of features. Yes i know costly bleeding edge is kewl but industry standard, reliability and regular connections are worth my time and trouble.

  10. Who in their right mind will believe that having cameras at intersections will save lives 646-046? The drivers are all idiots, too slow, too fast, no blinkers, high volume 646-223, raged lunatics, lost, drunks, rednecks, then when the traffic starts flowing they don’t want to stop when the light is turning red 646-563…. It isn’t going to stop. It just means auto-ticket, auto-income for the authorities, the more the merrier, no need to pay cops, who can’t control the high volume of idiots on the road. Those who don’t know that there’s a camera 650-251, will continue to run the lights, only to become the next victims.

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