“Microsoft Corp. on Tuesday unveiled a new laptop, a tablet, three phones and a fitness tracker meant to keep people tied to its array of online services… They face heavy competition from Apple and Android products,” Anick Jesdanun reports for The Associated Press. “With the new lineup, Microsoft appears to be targeting professionals, people more likely to have Windows already in their office computers.”

MacDailyNews Take: Professional dinosaurs, to be exact.

Jesdanun reports, “In closing a nearly two-hour event in New York, CEO Satya Nadella said the latest devices are part of Microsoft’s vision ‘to move people from needing Windows to choosing Windows to loving Windows.'”

MacDailyNews Take: Poor bastage must’ve hit his head… hard.

“The surprise announcement was a new Surface Book laptop, which comes after Microsoft has been touting its Surface tablets as replacements for laptops. Microsoft says the Surface Book is for scientists, engineers and gamers who need more performance than a tablet,” Jesdanun reports. “The screen is detachable and becomes a tablet with a clipboard feel while on the go. But unlike Surface tablets with keyboard covers attached magnetically, the Surface Book’s keyboard is core to the device.”

MacDailyNews Take: Yes, but can it toast while refrigerating?

“The 13.5-inch laptop starts at $1,499, compared with $899 for the new, 12.3-inch Surface Pro 4 tablet. The Pro 4’s keyboard cover costs an extra $130,” Jesdanun reports. “Apple Inc. is starting to go after those customers, too, with its upcoming iPad Pro, which starts at $799, plus $169 for a physical keyboard. Apple already has a MacBook Pro laptop line, starting at $1,299, for power users.”

“Just two years ago, Microsoft wrote down $900 million for losses related to its first-generation Surface RT tablet,” Jesdanun reports. “Microsoft also sought to use Tuesday’s event to revive its struggling phone business. Over the summer, the company wrote down $8.4 billion for the value of Nokia’s phone business, which it bought just a year earlier. It also announced 7,800 job cuts in the phone business. The new Lumia 950 and 950 XL are the first high-end Windows phones from Microsoft since February 2014, which was around the time Nadella became CEO and before Microsoft completed its purchase of Nokia… The new phones start at $549 and will be available in November.”

MacDailyNews Take: DOA.

“The new Microsoft Band fitness tracker, meanwhile, will now track elevation and work with the company’s Cortana virtual assistant,” Jesdanun reports. “It will be available for $249 starting Oct. 30.”

MacDailyNews Take: Stillborn.

Read more in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: A cavalcade of crap for the clueless.