“iPad sales are slumping, and Apple’s share of the tablet market is in a tailspin,” Julianne Pepitone hit-whores for CNNMoney. “Apple is hoping to reverse the trend on Tuesday. The company is expected to reveal its first revamped iPad in a year during an event in San Francisco.”
“But don’t expect Apple to produce a radically new device in an effort to turn the tide — the new iPad will likely be a marginal upgrade from the current version,” Pepitone predicts. “Apple is expected to unveil a slightly thinner and faster iPad with a fingerprint sensor.”
MacDailyNews Take: Under her hit-whoring breath: “You know, ’cause if I mentioned they’ll also likely be among the world’s first 64-bit tablets and also come with Apple’s revolutionary Touch ID, two features that cheapshit Android tablets won’t have for quite some time, my whole hit-whorish premise will go right out my red-lit hit-whorehouse window. Now let me ring a bunch of ‘tech experts’ until I can dredge up a really myopic mouthbreather to back up my transparent speciosity.”
Pepitone reports, “‘What are they supposed to do, add wings and make it fly?’ asked Colin Gillis, senior tech analyst at BCG Financial. ‘It’s a tablet. There’s only so much you can upgrade.'”
MacDailyNews Take: Mission accomplished, Juli.
“Apple no longer dominates in tablets,” Pepitone scribbles. “Apple’s global tablet market share currently stands at 32%, down from 60% a year ago, according to IDC. That’s because rivals are taking advantage of Apple’s lack of major updates: The tablet market share controlled by Samsung, Acer and Lenovo tripled last quarter from the previous year.”
MacDailyNews Take: Under her hit-whoring breath: “I’ll act like market share is the only goal. I’ll hope nobody notices while I totally ignore customer quality, profit share, and the fact that Apple doesn’t want the Hee Haw demographic because they’ve already proven themselves to be cheap, stupid, and/or ignorant by virtue of their incorrect device purchase. I’ll quote IDC to give it some gravitas and hope nobody thinks that market share really isn’t as important as I’m pretending it to be nor is it Apple’s goal at all. I know that the type of customers that the likes of Samsung, Acer and Lenovo are getting are exactly the type customers Apple does not want, but most of my audience doesn’t know it and I’ll certainly not be explaining it to the low-info crowd while I’m flat on my back hit-whoring.”
Pepitone blathers, “Apple is also expected to update the iPad mini on Tuesday, giving it a much more robust upgrade. Most notably, the mini tablet is expected to get a Retina display, significantly upgrading the resolution of its screen.”
MacDailyNews Take: Under her hit-whoring breath: “Because, again, if I mentioned the iPad mini, along with its big brother, the market-defining iPad, will also likely be among the world’s first 64-bit tablets and also come with Apple’s Touch ID fingerprint recognition, I’d really be slacking off on my hit-whoring.”
“‘The seven-inch is absolutely dominant right now, and we expect it to stay that way for some time,’ said IHS iSuppli tablet market analyst Rhoda Alexander,” Pepitone reports. “Tablets with screens smaller than eight inches accounted for only about a quarter of the tablet market in 2011, according to IHS, but the consultancy predicts the category will take a majority 55% share this year and grow to 57% by 2017.”
Pepitone reports, “Meanwhile, medium-sized tablets like the iPad are expected to fall to a 37% share in 2017. ‘Apple caught a lot of heat for launching the iPad Mini, with critics saying the low end isn’t where the competition is,’ Alexander said. ‘But they’ve overcome the naysayers pretty quickly.'”
MacDailyNews Take: Wrong. Apple caught a lot of heat for not stooping to playing in the low-end; for not coming out with a piece of shit $199 7-inch tablet for cheapskates. The iPad mini is not a low-end product, nor it is priced that way. The price tags on and features of Apple’s products are an IQ test. They are a filter that Apple uses to skim off the desirable customers and leave the leftovers to the knockoff peddlers. Tablet buyers, just like personal computer and smartphone buyers, either pass or they fail – daily, repeatedly, forever, until or unless they finally figure it out. Newsflash: Apple sells premium products at premium prices to premium customers.
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MacDailyNews Take: CNN, we know your TV ratings are in the toilet, but sheesh, have some pride, will ya?
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