CNN goes hit-whoring: ‘Apple’s iPad problem’

“iPad sales are slumping, and Apple’s share of the tablet market is in a tailspin,” Julianne Pepitone hit-whores for CNNMoney. “Apple is hoping to reverse the trend on Tuesday. The company is expected to reveal its first revamped iPad in a year during an event in San Francisco.”

“But don’t expect Apple to produce a radically new device in an effort to turn the tide — the new iPad will likely be a marginal upgrade from the current version,” Pepitone predicts. “Apple is expected to unveil a slightly thinner and faster iPad with a fingerprint sensor.”

MacDailyNews Take: Under her hit-whoring breath: “You know, ’cause if I mentioned they’ll also likely be among the world’s first 64-bit tablets and also come with Apple’s revolutionary Touch ID, two features that cheapshit Android tablets won’t have for quite some time, my whole hit-whorish premise will go right out my red-lit hit-whorehouse window. Now let me ring a bunch of ‘tech experts’ until I can dredge up a really myopic mouthbreather to back up my transparent speciosity.”

Pepitone reports, “‘What are they supposed to do, add wings and make it fly?’ asked Colin Gillis, senior tech analyst at BCG Financial. ‘It’s a tablet. There’s only so much you can upgrade.'”

MacDailyNews Take: Mission accomplished, Juli.

“Apple no longer dominates in tablets,” Pepitone scribbles. “Apple’s global tablet market share currently stands at 32%, down from 60% a year ago, according to IDC. That’s because rivals are taking advantage of Apple’s lack of major updates: The tablet market share controlled by Samsung, Acer and Lenovo tripled last quarter from the previous year.”

MacDailyNews Take: Under her hit-whoring breath: “I’ll act like market share is the only goal. I’ll hope nobody notices while I totally ignore customer quality, profit share, and the fact that Apple doesn’t want the Hee Haw demographic because they’ve already proven themselves to be cheap, stupid, and/or ignorant by virtue of their incorrect device purchase. I’ll quote IDC to give it some gravitas and hope nobody thinks that market share really isn’t as important as I’m pretending it to be nor is it Apple’s goal at all. I know that the type of customers that the likes of Samsung, Acer and Lenovo are getting are exactly the type customers Apple does not want, but most of my audience doesn’t know it and I’ll certainly not be explaining it to the low-info crowd while I’m flat on my back hit-whoring.”

Pepitone blathers, “Apple is also expected to update the iPad mini on Tuesday, giving it a much more robust upgrade. Most notably, the mini tablet is expected to get a Retina display, significantly upgrading the resolution of its screen.”

MacDailyNews Take: Under her hit-whoring breath: “Because, again, if I mentioned the iPad mini, along with its big brother, the market-defining iPad, will also likely be among the world’s first 64-bit tablets and also come with Apple’s Touch ID fingerprint recognition, I’d really be slacking off on my hit-whoring.”

“‘The seven-inch is absolutely dominant right now, and we expect it to stay that way for some time,’ said IHS iSuppli tablet market analyst Rhoda Alexander,” Pepitone reports. “Tablets with screens smaller than eight inches accounted for only about a quarter of the tablet market in 2011, according to IHS, but the consultancy predicts the category will take a majority 55% share this year and grow to 57% by 2017.”

Pepitone reports, “Meanwhile, medium-sized tablets like the iPad are expected to fall to a 37% share in 2017. ‘Apple caught a lot of heat for launching the iPad Mini, with critics saying the low end isn’t where the competition is,’ Alexander said. ‘But they’ve overcome the naysayers pretty quickly.'”

MacDailyNews Take: Wrong. Apple caught a lot of heat for not stooping to playing in the low-end; for not coming out with a piece of shit $199 7-inch tablet for cheapskates. The iPad mini is not a low-end product, nor it is priced that way. The price tags on and features of Apple’s products are an IQ test. They are a filter that Apple uses to skim off the desirable customers and leave the leftovers to the knockoff peddlers. Tablet buyers, just like personal computer and smartphone buyers, either pass or they fail – daily, repeatedly, forever, until or unless they finally figure it out. Newsflash: Apple sells premium products at premium prices to premium customers.

Full article – Think Before You Click™here.

MacDailyNews Take: CNN, we know your TV ratings are in the toilet, but sheesh, have some pride, will ya?

Guess what? Juli the hit-whore loves email!

Send her our article: julianne.pepitone@turner.com

67 Comments

  1. From this bullshit – Apple is hoping to reverse the trend on Tuesday

    I know Tuesday headline will be – Apple dived -6% as the new iPad isn’t cheap enough to get market share and the new iPad failed to surprise.

    1. Went to TigerDirect web site and searched for tablets by cost. This is what I found for under 140$$.

      Notice how many names you have never heard of. That is were 30% of the tablets are coming from. And going straight to the sale counter.

      These are all under $ 140
      maker name – quantity of models

      Azend -3
      Visual Land Prestige -9
      Ematic – 6
      Aluratek – 3
      Maylong
      Sungale
      Arnova
      Mach Speed Trio Stealth
      Proscan
      Envizen – 3
      Jazz Ultra Tab Internet Tablet
      Visual Land Connect 9 VL -3
      Skytex Skypad Sp722 Internet Tablet
      ASUS ( Hey a name we recognize LOL)
      Archos 101 Gen9 Tablet
      Lenovo
      Mach Speed 7″
      Supersonic 9″
      Velocity Micro Cruz T410

      Yep, I would sure buy one of those…. er…. what ever they are.

      Wouldn’t you??? /s

    1. The new Mercedes E class. According to the logic of CNN that would be a useless exercise again.

      Perhaps what they are trying to say is that people are no longer surprised that Apple is launching yet another great new device but do appreciate the innovation and upgrade, leaving, unlike other tablet, the “older” version in use too.

      What do you do with last year’s Mercedes E class? Somebody will use it.
      What do you do with last year’s iPad? Someone will use it.
      What do you do with last years other tablet? Trash it, no-one has EVER used it!

  2. I don’t see how a new iPad would be the world’s first 64-bit tablet. Isn’t every tablet running Intel processors already 64-bit, such as Microsoft’s Surface Pro? Maybe the iPad will be the first 64-bit tablet with ARM architecture.

      1. So technically, I’m right, but you or someone else gave my comment one star because of what now? Was it because I was being too technical?

        Well, next time I talk about the number of bits a microprocessor architecture utilizes for integers and virtual memory addresses, I’ll try being less technical and see how it goes.

        1. You are right and it isn’t a technicality. MDN’s off-hand comment lacks precision. The qualifiers of ARM and “mattering” suggest by Really are not very relevant either.

          What will “matter” more for Windows 8 is if Intel can drop power usage faster than ARM can raise performance. What makes a product mobile is the battery life, the size , and the weight.

          1. I meant the iPad will be the first 64-bit ARM tablet and the first 64-bit tablet that matters.

            I think my post came across like I meant windows, I didn’t. 🙂

  3. Walk into almost any store that sells ipads short of an apple store and they are usually sold out or in short supply.

    I just bought my kids an iPad. The educational software selection is great.

    Ill probably buy another one once the 64-bit ones hit.

    I think Apple has a long term winner.

      1. I have a 4th grader and a Kindergardener. I had there iPad mini equipped with the Griffin Survivor case. It is a Military Grade case with a screen protector, making it “Almost” Indestructible!

  4. The CNN story of slow ipad sales is correct to a point, it’s because people holding from buying because the new ipad 5 and mini is around the corner. Same with iPhone, before the 5s release the iphone 4/5 sale was low but exploded when 5s/c came out. What is disgusting about this CNN report is the spin and BS they have stipulated, that is apple is losing market share. Go FCUK yourself CNN, you are a shameless liar and possible recipient of Samsung / andriod money. Bastards 🙁

    1. Yeah, having state-built roads, state-funded schools, federally funded research at places like Stanford (which basically gave birth to Silicon Valley) contributed NOTHING to the success of Apple and other high-tech companies.

      Do you realize when you say nonsense like “statist whores” or when Really calls CNN the “Communist News Network” that it’s impossible to take anything you say seriously. It’s as bad as Ted Cruz thinking 50 members of the House could overturn the Affordable Care Act.

      Pathetic.

        1. Apple didn’t, that’s for sure.
          We all did, that’s the point. We ARE the state.
          We paid to go to the moon.
          We paid to win WWII and became the world’s economic powerhouse. It’s selfish “free market” jerks that are destroying the very thing that made American great.

            1. although not as eloquent as “el wrongo grandé Captain Dumbass,” and earlier interpretation of my sentiment:

              — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

      1. Because writing a check drawn on other people’s money surrendered under the threat of force is truly the most important role to be played in the creation of useful things.

  5. @ iPad killer

    Do you actually have any actual concrete and thought-out POINT to make? Or do you think that stringing a bunch of swear words and name-calling together in a few sentences makes a point.

    1. Wow, I’m almost sorry I missed reading the original post! I collect the best of the worst of them for one of my scrapbooks. Selective word counts seem to indicate that MDN is experimenting with a formula-driven auto delete bot. (I can’t bring myself to believe that an actual person reads every post, day in and day out. He’d be twisted and drooling.)

      1. No kiddin’ on the “twisted and drooling”!

        Auto-delete needn’t be fancy. MDN could go a LONG way toward not looking like a slum if they auto-deleted anything with one of a fairly small number of obscenities or the worst and most disgusting name-calling.

  6. Apple is at its best when under fire.

    I’m pretty sure Ms. Peppitone’s words, which are now on the record, will be subject to further scrutiny and review at the end of the month when Apple announces earning.

    Let the chips fall where they may.

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