“A group of academics will be among the first people outside Microsoft to see Sphere, a spherical surface computer developed by Microsoft Research,” Ina Fried reports or CNET News.
MacDailyNews Take: If this were any other company, we’d swear this was a joke, but this is what happens when “Microsoft Research” strays from its primary focus: 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA 95014.
Fried continues, “The sphere-shaped, multitouch computer is similar to the tabletop Surface computer that Microsoft announced last year… This incarnation, however, remains a project within Microsoft Research and the company has no current plans to bring it to market.”
MacDailyNews Take: We can’t wait for Microsoft’s Big Ass Toilet Seat. Now that would sell – to women (guys would leave it up all the time). If it offered the gals some haptics, the lines would stretch for miles.
Fried continues, “Bill Gates has talked about a vision for surface computing that stretches far beyond the high-end commercial applications of Surface and in several years’ time would have many, many of today’s surfaces becoming computerized, both at home and at work.”
MacDailyNews Take: Because he’s such a visionary (dripping with sarcasm).
Full article here.
Todd Bishop reports for The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, “Sphere will be shown Tuesday at the annual Microsoft Research Faculty Summit alongside other projects from Microsoft and university researchers.”
Video: Microsoft’s Big Ass Ball:
Direct link to video here.
Full article here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Readers too numerous to mention for the heads up.]
MacDailyNews Take: Steven P. Jobs on a popsicle stick! After they reverse themselves and bring it to market, Microsoft is going to corner the entire novelty world globe market which is worth… wait for it… ONE MILLLLLION DOLLARS!
At this rate, “Vanquishing the Borg” is going to be easier than we thought.
Go, Ballmer, Go! Shovel that filthy lucre into your giant cash furnace, you sweaty SOB!
[Originally posted at 1:03pm EDT. Updated: 3:31pm EDT with new photo illustration and some additional “Takes.]
I have it from an inside source that Microsoft’s next major project is to create a large open ring-shaped multi-touch computer. Apparently they’re going to call it the Big Ass Hole.
“That pretty much put an end to his foolishness.”
Don’t bet on it.
This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.
Basically, people stand around this thing and NO ONE gets a good view. Remember those old CRTs with a curved screen. Then they became flat-screen CRTs, and it was better. Then they became flat LCDs. This Sphere is worse than the most curved CRT screen that ever existed. The demo guy is basically projecting a regular “square” screen onto the curved surface. I can’t believe even Microsoft is developing this thing. The only place this thing will be useful is on the set of a bad sci-fi movie. It makes the Big Ass Table seem like an useful device.
Put three holes in it and there you have your Big Ass Bowlingbal.
*Ballmer looking using BAS Magic 8-ball Vista Deluxe Premium Edition*
Will we ever be as cool or innovative as Apple?
Outlook doubtful.
Hmm, as to applications other than fortune-telling software maybe you can watch porn on it? Be like watching people f—ing in the next aisle over on one of them convex mirrors.
Or you can try and get as many girls to touch your Balls at once and exclaim over their size (and likely that of your wallet).
Microsoft: We’re sharing our Balls with you so you can do the same.
ChrissyOne,
It’s just wishful thinking.
Put one hole in it and you have the Big Ass Glory Hole.
Hopefully it doesn’t have a feature that connects you to the dark lord Sauron, I mean Ballmer. Even worse if it turns into his bald ass monkey head. I wonder if that’s how Billy communicates his orders to Ballmer when Steve’s not using his head as a Benoit ball in Bill’s rectum.
MS, just one little question: WHY?!?!
WTF was your inspiration? Ballmer’s sweat-glazed bald skull?
Even the worst of Detroit’s Bad Old Days couldn’t manage to shit out something this pathetic.
OK, I just got the “why” part:
MS needed something to make the Big Ass Table look… practical.
And Sphere does that spectacularly.
Expect scores of these Stupid Ass Balls to be set up at major tech expos worldwide for the next year.
Or until MS kills it, whatever comes first.
A heap of excitement here eh? all those people watching!
What a load of ….
not surprising is it?
Everyone is missing what this sphere could do in the advertising world.
Why, you could put it on a big flag pole and lower it at the end of every year.
Not only that, you could bolt it to the top of that flag pole and have a dark 76 on an orange background display on it and even revolve.
There has to be dozens of uses with the flagpole alone.
The only possible good use for Sphere:
http://www.freeverse.com/games/game/?id=7016
(scroll to the bottom)
Is Big Ass Ball a noun or a verb? Or Both?
Worse idea ever!
Remember when displays were CRTs and they were curved. Then they became flat screen CRTs and then LCDs, and they were much better. Now, here’s the ultimate curved screen. People are supposed to stand around this Sphere; NO ONE gets a good view (or everyone gets an equally bad view). The Demo Guy even projects a rectangular image onto the surface. This make the Big Ass Table seem useful.
The only place this thing will be useful is on the set of a bad sci-fi movie.
Maybe you could wear Ballmer’s Big Blue Bulb on your head?
uhhhhhhhh…….uhmmm…errr……
-or-
hahaha fccckkinng idiots hahahah
either way. how sad.
I suppose an alternative to this would be to put a giant projector on the moon and beam images onto Balmers big shiny bald pate…
…the downside being people would have to touch his repulsive sweaty orb of a head!
***goes off to be sick at the thought of it***
Guess what Apple Shrills I’m back!!!
You dunghill kings still jabbering about alll things Microsoft??? Man you folks got it bad, this green envy will be your undoing. Get over the koolaide already and see the light of day. Apple blows chunks and there is nothing you can do about it.
Oh and on topic, great potential for businesses looking for a reliable cuatomer access popint for sales or service presentations. And a unique form factor.
“Guess what Apple Shrills I’m back!!!”
I guessed, but that wasn’t it. And you are …?
Ballmer’s Balls… hmm adds another dimension to Zune “squirting” but in both cases I wish Ballmer had kept them in his pants…
@ Sir Gill Bates
Mayhaps a village lost an idiot? I hear there’s a mass migration going on, actually. A few seem to be attracted to Mac sites like moths to a flame. They’ll crash and burn soon enough, too.
Oh, and pssst, got those pictures yet? Just don’t tell Chrissy One!
wtf!
What a waste of money!
Who would want that, it has no useful purpose at all.
I do have to say, you know – MS should keep this ‘research’ going!
Think about it… if money and time is being poured into grandiose projects and not into Windows, it benefits Apple in the long run.
Hell, the DoJ never needed to deal with MS at all, the company can marginalize itself just fine, thank you very much!