RUMOR: Microsoft to open Apple-like retail shops

“Our sources close to Microsoft have confirmed that the company wants to reach out for the retail market presence. Microsoft wants to open and create many retail shops dedicated exclusive to Microsoft and its products,” Fuad Abazovic reports for Fudzilla.

“This is something that Apple did with its many Apple retail stores around the world. Microsoft will put its retail people in the shops with hope that these skilled people will be able to show the true Microsoft experience,” Abazovic reports.

Full article here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Joe Architect” for the heads up.]

The true Microsoft experience? Frustration and mediocrity hardly beckon for a retail showcase. This is just more half-assed copying of Apple. What are they going to do, instead of intricate staircases, install glass ledges from which their suckers customers can leap?

At least Microsoft Retail Stores would be colorful with all of their Red Rings and Blue Screens of Death and Brown Zunes on clearance.

At Microsoft Retail Store Grand Openings, the first 1,000 people to visit get a free bottle of Pepto. Microsoft will still have 900+ bottles left after the first week.

Fact: If they tried to open retail stores, Microsoft would be about as successful as Gateway or Dell. Anyone who says differently lacks even the vaguest understanding of why Apple dominates retail like none other.

133 Comments

  1. This is hilarious.

    The stores would get egged at best and possibly stoned!

    Customers could actually confront them with the problems they experience with their products. That would be a hoot.

  2. I suggest that, should such stores open, we encourage anyone who has ever encountered a Microsoft-based problem (i.e. everyone) to confront the poor saps working there.

    No need to kill the minimum-wage messenger, but if it’s a constant barrage of negative comments from “customers” in these stores, the less-informed passers-by may start associating their computer problems with the company actually responsible for most of them.

  3. To truly reproduce the Microsoft experience, they’ll have to flood the HVAC with airborne pathogens and require everyone to put on a Norton™ gas mask when they walk in. Oh, and let shady Russian mafiosos look at your credit card numbers.

  4. When you check out, the checker will tell you 10 different way to pay and options on how you want your receipt printed. When they bag it, you have to choose 10 types of bags. Do you want basic to premium bag? ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”wink” style=”border:0;” />

  5. April 1st was a couple of weeks ago.

    The thought of a Microsoft store makes me ill.

    What will they sell?
    Windows, mice keyboards, XBox and the Big-Ass Table?

    I’m beginning to think of Microsoft as an elaborate money laundering operation.

  6. Sure, they’ll be opening in 2009, no wait 2010, or maybe 2011. There’ll be 5 versions of the store, with a different entry fee for each. They’ll also need to authenticate you before you enter, and at other odd times if for example you take your hat off while in the store. Occasionally all the staff will freeze in one spot for about 10 minutes.

    Oh, and don’t be in there on a Tuesday.

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