RUMOR: Microsoft to open Apple-like retail shops

“Our sources close to Microsoft have confirmed that the company wants to reach out for the retail market presence. Microsoft wants to open and create many retail shops dedicated exclusive to Microsoft and its products,” Fuad Abazovic reports for Fudzilla.

“This is something that Apple did with its many Apple retail stores around the world. Microsoft will put its retail people in the shops with hope that these skilled people will be able to show the true Microsoft experience,” Abazovic reports.

Full article here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Joe Architect” for the heads up.]

The true Microsoft experience? Frustration and mediocrity hardly beckon for a retail showcase. This is just more half-assed copying of Apple. What are they going to do, instead of intricate staircases, install glass ledges from which their suckers customers can leap?

At least Microsoft Retail Stores would be colorful with all of their Red Rings and Blue Screens of Death and Brown Zunes on clearance.

At Microsoft Retail Store Grand Openings, the first 1,000 people to visit get a free bottle of Pepto. Microsoft will still have 900+ bottles left after the first week.

Fact: If they tried to open retail stores, Microsoft would be about as successful as Gateway or Dell. Anyone who says differently lacks even the vaguest understanding of why Apple dominates retail like none other.

133 Comments

  1. LOL – So that’s how Microsoft is gonna piss off all it’s business partners in one go.

    Excellent.

    And yet again – they copy Apple’s lead.

    Imagine the dire shopping experience you are going to get at a Microsoft store.

    I can see it now… there will be nothing you can buy in the store and as soon as you enter the shop a Microsoft Salesmans demands your credit card details and brainwashes you into buying an enterprise Windows Vista Licence.

    LOL. – this has the word FAIL written all over it.

  2. This is great news. Please please please have your outlent in a suburban mall beside a Starbucks. Can you imagine sitting outside on a lovely sunny day enjoying a capuccino and watching what people would do to the store? Most people I know hate MS (and the majority of these are PeeCee users).
    This would be like going to a stoning or a hanging like in the good old days.

  3. Personally, I welcome Steve Ballmer’s latest ‘innovation’ in taking Microsoft into the retail space: actually they should open retail stores in every main street and shopping mall in North America, Europe and Japan.

    Just a couple of questions though…

    • If the stores are Microsoft products only and most people are already running a Windows-based computer, what will they be buying from the store? Zune? An Intellimouse?

    • If the stores also sell hardware, which OEM will they favour? HP (in which case, you offend Dell and the rest)? Dell (in which case you offend HP and the rest)? Why be an OEM partner to a company that doesn’t see you as a partner? Let’s ask all the companies that signed up to PlayedForSure.

    • Maybe you won’t favour a single OEM and instead you’ll see hardware from many manufacturers? I’m sure that’ll be acceptable to Fry’s, BestBuy, PC World and all the other resellers.

    No, I’m sure all of these questions are unnecessary! A massive intellect like Steve Ballmer would have thought of all of these issues.

  4. MS’s NYC grand opening of its first store will include an almost-live concert of the Stones playing Wheel Me In.

    The opening will be delayed six weeks because of a shortage of bullet-proof vests for the “associates.”

    Magic Word: indeed.

  5. Lets see –
    Apple – store full of hardware and software all playing together nicely

    Microsoft – store full of crappy OS in retail boxes, some titles like Office, Flight Simulator, Streets and Trips etc. Playing on what hardware? Anything they might use would be an implicit endorsement of that vendor. Or maybe one of each HP, Dell, what ever is in WalMart that day. what fun.

    Being a copycat when you don’t understand the question is very dangerous.

  6. I can see it now… the unveiling of the flagship Microsoft store in NYC.

    The curtain will drop and you will see a cube made out of tank armour so that that the 1000’s of pissed-off New York Windows users cant get in.

    There will be air holes in the side of this metal monolith so that the ‘suckers’ (store employees) who work in this confined environment can breath.

    There will be an electrified fence around the store with pressure sensitive plates around by the laser locked entrance which measures your windows frustration level as you get near the building.

    If you get too near the shop you will be grabbed by a fat bald man who will be driving a large lorry full of broken chairs.

    This retail experience will be incredible!

  7. When you saddle up to the Almost-Average-IQ Big-Ass-Table (= genius bar), the table will automatically scan your credit card and start buying things without your permission while the salesperson distracts you.

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