Thurrott reviews Microsoft Zune: ‘a joke, a travesty, I can’t imagine what they were thinking’

83 Comments

“Microsoft’s “Zune, which was confirmed in mid-2006 and then released earlier this month, is a me-too device that provides only a small fraction of the iPod’s functionality. It’s bigger, heavier, thicker, and delivers worse battery life than the iPod, despite costing the same. The Zune is incompatible with music sold from the iTunes Store as well as all of the Windows Media-based online services,” Paul Thurrott writes for Paul Thurrott’s SuperSite for Windows. “And yet. The Zune isn’t a complete disgrace. It does offer a few advantages over the iPod, including a bigger screen, a smoother, more grippable body, and unique wireless features that are currently useless but could become quite important in the future.”

MacDailyNews Take: In which universe does “smoother” make something “more grippable?” wink

Thurrott continues, “The way Zune is marketed is also a travesty. The ‘Welcome to the social’ tagline is clearly meant to evoke the grammatically questionable yet enduringly homey ‘Think Different’ campaign that Apple waged half a decade ago for the Mac. This is just one of dozens of Zune-related examples of Microsoft’s Apple envy leading to outright and wholesale idea copying. To be fair, it’s also one of the more subtle examples. Somehow, that fact just makes it feel dirtier.”

“‘Welcome to the social’ refers, obviously, to the Zune’s wireless capabilities, which purportedly allow Zune users to share music and photos wirelessly, making these people part of a warm and fuzzy community of hippies, from what I can tell. Sadly, the tagline also betrays the key weakness of the device. Because so few people own Zunes in this iPod-oriented world of ours, each Zune is an isolated island of useless functionality, constantly sending out fruitless wireless signals, looking, hopelessly, for a non-existent buddy to connect with,” Thurrott writes.

“Zune devices are packaged in Spartan, Apple-like boxes that don’t utilize the Microsoft name or logo, unless you look at the small bottom side (likewise, the Zune Web site and advertisements downplay the Microsoft name in startling ways, given the company’s name recognition)… If you’ve never seen an iPod, you’ll be super impressed,” Thurrott writes.

MacDailyNews Take: As an aside, it’s just like how, if you’ve never seen a Mac, you’re impressed with Windows. (For more on that subject, please see the related article Analyst: Windows Vista may still impress many consumers because they have not seen Apple’s Mac OS X – January 05, 2006)

Thurrott writes, “The painful process of installing and configuring your Zune will serve as a helpful preview to the pain you’re about to experience trying to use the device and its sub-par PC software interface. Annoyingly also called Zune, the Zune software is quite clearly just a different front-end to Windows Media Player 11 (see my review), but missing many of that software’s best features. And that’s tragic, because Microsoft might have made a good argument for wanting to try and make a much simpler software solution than WMP11. But the Zune software just feels empty and incomplete…”

Thurrott writes, “As an online service, the Zune Marketplace is a joke. Instead of adhering to the normal 99 cent-per-song pricing model utilized by Apple and all other online services, Zune Marketplace uses Microsoft’s questionable ‘Microsoft Points’ system, which is also used on Xbox Live… You can’t just buy a song. Instead, you have to buy bundles of Microsoft Points first, and then feed off of that reserve whenever you want to make a purchase. The minimum purchase is 400 Microsoft Points, which costs $5.00. No 99 cent micropayments for you, Zune boy… Because songs and albums are priced in Points, Microsoft is obscuring the true cost of this content. A song on Zune typically costs 79 Microsoft Points, which, yes, is about 99 cents. But it seems like less because it’s just 79 Points. And that’s not right… Because you’re buying Points in 400 Point increments, you’ll almost never actually be able to clean out your reserve of Points. Thus, you’ve given Microsoft money you’ll never get back, or receive content for. That, too, is not right.”

Thurrott explains that the back of the Zune “reads ‘Hello from Seattle. Model 1089. Assembled in China.’ Now, that’s all cute and everything, unless of course you’re familiar with Apple’s similar messaging. ‘Don’t Steal Music,’ Apple’s iPod packaging reads. ‘Designed by Apple in California. Assembled in China.’ Yep, even the cute, seemingly friendly note on the back of the Zune is basically an iPod rip-off. I’m sorry if I’m beating this to death, but seriously, there seems to be nothing about the iPod that Microsoft is unwilling to copy. It’s pathological.”

Thurrott concludes, “The bottom line is that Microsoft should have waited until it had a more compelling product to sell. I can’t imagine what they were thinking.”

There’s a lot more in the full review, including Thurrott hitting the nail squarely on the head when calling Microsoft Zune/Xbox executive J Allard “the human embodiment of the Zune in the same way that Steve Jobs is for the iPod” and criticizing Allard’s and Microsoft’s attempts at “faux coolness” here.
Give Thurrott credit for a thorough, largely unbiased review.

Unfortunately, Thurrott does go to great lengths trying and failing to equate Zune with the Mac in one portion of his review. He’s obviously forgotten that the Mac came well before and inspired Windows, just like the iPod came well before and inspired the Zune, and that Macs can run Windows and Windows software. The Mac is nothing at all like the Zune. Period.

Paul, Apple Mac owners enjoy the world’s largest software library, not Windows PC owners. Only Apple Macs can run all the OSes and software you’d ever want to run. Windows PC owners are limited to a smaller library and less choice than Apple Mac owners. Wrap your brain around it, get it through your head; you’ve had more than enough time to process and accept it by now.

Back on subject: can anyone name any product that has been so poorly received upon its debut as Zune? We can’t.

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83 Comments

  3. Well, as someone who has owned two Ipods, I have to say I liked the Zune for my purposes. In particular, I like the clicking action over the wheel, because it’s a bit safer for car operation. Plus, the bigger video is very nice.

    Overall, It’s a nice, well-constructed unit. The brown is a bit odd, but I can see a place for it. Had they made the WiFi usable (like to shop or preview tunes/vids from hotspots, or even do location free TV) then the Zune would be the ideal Ipod replacement. Unfortunately, they must not have asked anyone before release on what a customer would want the WiFi to do.

    Currently, I have a vision M. Its interface isn’t the greatest, but the content flexibility is worth the small annoyances there; I’m waiting on the mythical “video Ipod” to surface before making an upgrade decsion.

    Reply

  5. “In recent years, Allard has not coincidentally remade himself into a slimmer, seemingly-less geeky, hip-looking … hip guy, I guess.”

    What is this? “seemingly-less geeky?” This dash has no business here. “Less-geeky” works. “Seemingly less-geeky” might work but it’s still pretty awkward. In fact, I don’t think it works at all. “Seemingly less geeky.”

    Omit needless words, Thurrott. Or in this case, needless punctuation!!!1!

    Reply

  11. Zune Tang makes the visits here worthwhile. Keep it up. Seriously, it’s the kind of satire that actually takes a bit of time to create, unlike a lot of the drivvle <sp?> that winds up here. I have to admit, I find myself laughing out loud. Zune Tang, I’d almost like to suggest a permanent site to archive these masterpieces, if the Onion won’t pay you.

    -a fan

    Reply

  16. from the article: “Though the layout of the Zune’s front surface is quite similar to that of an iPod, the Zune’s larger screen provides less space for the click-wheel, which is quite a bit smaller than the iPod’s scroll wheel. Frankly, it’s a layout Apple would do well to copy: A large screen is more important than a large user control.”

    this is pretty subjective. i tried using a Zune on display at my local department store, and while i liked the size of the screen, i hated the size of the navigation controls. they felt way too small for my fingers (and i have thin, small hands) nor did i care for the way the disc rocked. if you’re going to make it a button, make it a damn button.

    oh yeah, and Zune Tang can bite me.

    Reply

  18. Back on subject: can anyone name any product that has been so poorly received upon its debut as Zune? We can’t.

    I can. Anyone remember DIVX? Not the codec, the pay-per-play competitor to DVD from 1998. Zune may be hated, but the hatred inspired by DIVX was legendary.

    Reply

  19. “I can. Anyone remember DIVX? Not the codec, the pay-per-play competitor to DVD from 1998. Zune may be hated, but the hatred inspired by DIVX was legendary.”

    Yeah, DIVX (not the codec) was a legendarily bad idea. It wasn’t even pay per play, it came in a special wrapper. Once you ripped upon the wrapper, the oxygen in the air would immediately start to degrade the media and 48 hours later, the disc would be totally unreadable. So you basically had to watch it within that 2-day window or you basically paid for a plastic drink coaster.

    How Hollywood thought people would be dumb enough to buy something like that boggles the mind.

    Reply

  21. I’m going to buy a Zune, record an MP3 that basically states how stupid you are if you buy a Zune, and how you will be squirted on by your fellow Zune owners, and that Microsoft is dumb. Then I’m going to squirt this MP3 to every Zune owner I come across. They can listen to it for 3 days or 3 plays, whichever comes first.

    Actually, if Zunes ever became commonplace, you would constantly be accepting or rejecting sent mp3’s or worse, photos of the guy in the trench coat next to you. Ewwww.

    Welcome to the Social (distortion)

    Reply

  22. So just to summarize the products that people thus far have thought to be “less poorly received”:

    Nickpicking part one:

    Edsel – this may be the quintessential answer but the fact is, the Edsel was received well but it failed to meet sales expectations. There was a recession in ’57 and this combined with less than stellar aesthetics (despite high tech features for that era) and the fact that the sporty Ford Fairlane had just been introduced depressed sales. Nevertheless, the Edsel stayed in production longer than I think the Zune will.

    MS BoB – Much better received than the Zune. Still crap, but better received.
    Sony BMG Music CDs – well, this isn’t really a “product” in the same way as the Zune. It was a protection schema and as such would NEVER be well received.
    QuarkXPress (anything from 5.0 and up) – Eh, I think this is a hard case to make. This is a sofware upgrade, not a new hardware product release. Not the same.
    20th Anniversay Macintosh. – This was always intended to be a limited edition so I don’t think it is analogous. Still, even today the 20th Anniv. Mac is worth having. It was also innovative in the way that the Zune isn’t
    Apple Pippin – Maybe. Don’t know it.
    Pontiac Aztek – GM sold a surprising number of these ugly suckers. Never understood why except they didn’t look half bad up close in the showroom with the camping system opened up. In any case, much more popular than the Zune.
    Coca-Cola’s altered formula – You mean “classic” I assume. They sold a lot of that stuff with a lot of initial buzz (but later a bad aftertaste). Still, not an analogous product to the Zune.
    Kevin Federline’s debut album – Who? I think it is unfair to put any artist’s album in comparison to a major product release from MS. I could name thousands of DOA albums so this is not really a “product” in the way that MDN is talking about.

    cont. —–>

    Reply

  23. NitPicking part 2:

    Origami – hard to say on this one.
    The Phantom Menace – Please, this was huge for Lucasfilm. Just because it didn’t measure up to the hype doesn’t mean that it wasn’t “well received”. In any case, it is not a hardware product either is it?
    Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football – Hey, I thought he was great. A little ahead of his time but not a stinker like the Zune. In any case, he wasn’t a hardware product either (I don’t think.)
    Poochie – ?
    new math – Not exactly a “product” either but hey, I think you could name any grade school curriculum and claim that it was more poorly received than the Zune.
    Guillotine – Not a product and, in any case, name me one form of capital punishment that would be more welcome than getting a Zune. [insert joke here]
    McRib Sandwich – I’m not a fan but a quick Wiki check would reveal that while sales were mediocre, it tested very well on its introduction and it remains on the menu to this day, nearly 25 years after it was first introduced. So sorry, no way this is in the same category as the Zune.

    Reply

  25. Nitpicking part 3:

    G4 Cube – The Cube was very well received except for its cost. Still, it was innovative, beautiful, and ahead of its time. Not exactly a parallel to the Zune.
    Crystal Pepsi – Flavors come and go, like movies and music.
    Amazon Unbox – Hmm. You might have something there.
    DIVX – anti-pirating methodologies are NEVER going to be well received.
    iMac – Yeah, you’re right, nobody bought these. Got me on that one ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”grin” style=”border:0;” />

    That is all.

    Reply

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