Motley Fool’s Jayson: Microsoft’s ‘just plain ugly’ Zune a meager offering, not an iPod killer

“Microsoft has been working on an iPod competitor? Nooo! How would any of us have known, what with the months of official/nonofficial leaks, images, developer blogs, and other stuff, like this funky site that promised to zip me email to keep me informed of Zune news, but was silent Thursday. Even as a valued early-adopter insider, I had to get my news from the cheesy press release,” Seth Jayson writes for The Motley Fool.

“Yes, Microsoft is so pathetic, it can’t even manage to spam me about its next big thing. And if that gives you a giggle, then you have not yet begun to laugh… I just have to get a few things off my chest,” Jayson writes. “I think this thing is just plain ugly, folks. That tiny little wheel coming off the large screen: It looks unbalanced. And the finish, at least in the large images available for download from Microsoft, looks decidedly low-rent. And look at those colors. There are only three, and none of them is really a color. Black and white … bland, but OK.”

“But brown? Brown? Insert your own scatologically-themed ‘truth in advertising’ joke here. My Macophile colleagues have already begun,” Jayson writes. “Surely you can do better than 30 gigs of storage, Mr. Softy… But can we talk about the wireless? The idea is that Zune users can beam songs to each other and they’ll run a limited number of times, for a limited time. Thereafter, if you want to buy it, you can flag it for purchase when you synch the device with your PC.”

“Anyone remember Bill Cosby’s ‘Playground’ monologue? It’s a classic and hilarious tale about how parents ruined a perfectly good abandoned lot by installing all sorts of stuff kids didn’t want or need, like monkey bars,” Jayson writes. “That’s what I think we’ve got here: a feature no one asked for, and something of doubtful need. (Ever hear of passing the headphones?) Honestly, what Microsoft egghead thinks kids want to beam self-destructing songs to each other’s media players? And even if they wanted to trade tunes, the wireless range had better be 100 miles. If this thing sells as slowly as I fear it will, that may be as close as the nearest Zune to share with.”

MacDailyNews Take: Think about it, would you even want to share music with someone whose taste would allow them to chose a Microsoft Zune? Or snapshots taken by someone with such an eye for design? We’ll pass on The Perry Como Christmas Album and those pix of your dad on the beach wearing Bermuda shorts and sandals with black socks, thanks.

Jayson continues, “The fact is, this meager offering here is not an iPod killer. Nothing Redmond can produce in this product line will make much of a dent in Apple’s lead. This shareholder only hopes Microsoft can avoid embarrassing itself too much. Zune seems to have done that, but I can’t help but feel Microsoft’s time and money would be better spent getting Xbox 360 into more living rooms, and getting Windows Vista out the door on time.”

Full article here.
Well, there’s another nice review, huh? Did you know that “Zune” means “self-immolation” in Redmond?

Related articles:
What’s in a name? ‘Zune’ a French-Canadian euphemism for penis or vagina – September 15, 2006
Crave at CNET: ‘Microsoft Zune, all the excitement that brown can bring’ – September 15, 2006
Microsoft’s Zune underwhelms – September 15, 2006
Enderle: Microsoft Zune ‘a design mistake’ – September 15, 2006
Microsoft hypocrisy exposed with Zune: What ever happened to ‘choice?’ – September 14, 2006
Analyst: Microsoft Zune with fake scroll wheel ‘hardly an Apple iPod killer’ – September 14, 2006
Analyst: Microsoft Zune won’t spoil Apple’s biggest iPod Christmas ever – September 14, 2006
Microsoft unveils Zune 30GB player, Zune Marketplace; declines to disclose prices – September 14, 2006
Analyst: Microsoft’s Zune an ‘underwhelming’ repackaged Toshiba Gigabeat; no threat to Apple iPod – August 30, 2006
Microsoft confirms brick-like Zune to be made by Toshiba – August 25, 2006
Microsoft Zune is chunky brick made by Toshiba – August 25, 2006
Microsoft to spend hundreds of millions, several years on Zune trying to catch Apple iPod+iTunes – July 27, 2006
Zune: Apple cannot lose. Microsoft cannot win. – July 26, 2006

81 Comments

  1. Will you be able to maliciously “Zune” crappy songs to people you don’t like? It might be worth the money if you could surreptitiously beam hundreds of Yanni songs onto some dork’s turd-brown also-ran.

  2. I really want to know what all the media relations folks at Redmond are doing right now. Really, where to they find these people and how much money does it take to be that stupid. Are they sitting at their desk thinking they hit a homerun? How embarrassing can it get?

  3. I think Zoune is DOA. They need to pull a rabbit out of the hat, cause the rebranded Gigabeat is not cutting it. They’re better off not releasing the rebranded Gigabeat, but waiting until the new year, when they can release something built from the ground up.

    I think the real story is Apple’s Quicktime. With iTunes comes Quicktime, and where MS’s WMA/V dominated, Quicktime has made up ground fast, amongst PC users. This gives Apple one foot in the door to upsell PC users an iTV, and then who wins the media center living room battle? It’s gonna be a closerun thing, where before it was all MS. This is why MS is floating a Zune, to put a thumb in the dyke and to hold back Quicktime.

  4. LOL, Fresh from Digg:

    Microsoft’s Zune WILL NOT Play Protected Windows Media

    “Microsoft’s Zune will not play protected Windows Media Audio and Video purchased or “rented” from Napster 2.0, Rhapsody, Yahoo! Unlimited, Movielink, Cinemanow, or any other online media service. That’s right — the media that Microsoft promised would Play For Sure doesn’t even play on Microsoft’s own device.”

  5. Can’t Touch This,

    Uh, yeah, let’s show how cool Zune is by setting it to music by M.C. Hammer! You do realize the only time people play “Can’t Touch This” these days is as a joke, right?

    BTW, that’s a hella lot of button pushes and screens just to send a file to someone. Microsoft couldn’t even get that right. If wireless sharing is so central to Zune, maybe they should’ve added a dedicated “send” button instead of having the user dig through menus like a poorly designed cell phone that makes you go through 5 or 6 screens just to set up an alarm?

    If anything, Zune will provide a lot of laughs for the next few months.

  6. “If you’re close enough to beam a picture to someone else’s Zune, wouldn’t you be able to just say, “Hey, look at this picture”, and show them your Zune?”

    Yes, you can. And if you liked the picture you saw, you would have your own copy on your Zune. If you had an iPod, you would have to memorize the picture you saw.

  7. Because I don’t fear repeating myself: any time one does something that seems fun, but gets interrupted, the fun stops, and one will seek thrills elsewhere. Sharing will grow tiresome.

    One is going to bed now.

  8. Obviously, a nice feature: WiFi connectivity. Perhaps a good idea – but will it catch on. I’m not sure…but I know that as soon (or zune) as Apple catches wireless on their iPods, um, what’s so great about Zune again? I’m sure Apple will use WiFi with their own panache that consumers will easily digest. And Zune will be uncool.

    Here’s an idea Micro$oft:
    Focus on Windows. You’ve got no chance otherwise. Do something new. Don’t just put the next technology you can think of, wi-fi, in a device that wishes it was an iPod.

    Actually, nevermind. Keep dying a slow death.

  9. Yea that’s my favorite part of Zune, it won’t play Play for Sure DRM.
    Zune is it’s own World like iPod.

    How confusing is that going to be for consumers to buy a MS Zune and they can’t play MS’s Play for Sure.

    Thay can only play music from Marketplace.

    That’s an Owie for sure!

    MS gonna make a lot of people angry, er a lot MORE people angry.

  10. Ummm… I watched that You Tube video on the Zune, and I hate myself for liking 75% of what I saw. The interface has real nice movement to it, almost like it’s alive. The fade out with movement and fade in actually reminds me a little bit of exposé.

    The wallpaper and the ring of circles (reminds me of the ring of lines at OS X’s start up) is cool, and the white fading background is pretty sweet, too, as it moves to highlight.

    My theory on the wide screen iPod… Apple wanted to wait and see the Zune in action so they could be sure to be one-upping the thing in every way. (Look for the wide screen on October 23rd. That rumor has an air of truth to it.)

    I mean, after all, we can write MicroCRAP and M$ all we want, but if even 5% of Redmond’s human workers really have some gifts in creativity they may come out with some nice moves that Apple missed.

    Apple will best the Zune, surely, but right now I’d say that the Zune has a nicer, more attractive, more interesting, more lifelike interface. (I did have to laugh and shake my head, though, when the confirmation dialog boxes started popping up!)

  11. I too have to admit that the Zune interface looks really nice. They obviously stole elements from OS X. The iPod menus look dated. I hope Apple could add some pizazz that they put in iTunes 7 like the flip covers.

  12. Thanks for the vid… To me. those progress balls would get really tiring really quickly… A much less obtrusive progress bar at the bottom would allow me to continue seeing what song was playing or pick the next song I want to send or whatever, but those balls seem to prevent that…

    Imagine on your computer if you copied something somewhere and those flying sheets of paper came up and you couldn’t do or see anything else until those flying sheets of paper stopped… You probably wouldn’t do very much copying…

    Ditto w/ sending or receiving e-mail — it’s a given nowadays and doesn’t deserve a full-screen progress indicator — but this is MS, and they _want_ you to know that you are sending and receiving tracks and you apparently won’t be wanting or needing to do anything else while that’s happening…

    Some of my classical tracks, dance remixes and podcasts are more than 10 minutes long @ 192kbs, and I can’t imagine how long that would take to send or receive just a few of those… I could easily spend half an hour in “social connections” trading tracks and not have enough battery power to listen to them…

    MS definitely has a steep hill to climb, and some of the factors people will be considering are weight, battery life and price, and if any of these are out of whack, even Creative’s Vision M will outsell MS’ Zune… My bet is MS will try to sell Zunes like cell phones: discounts for 1- or 2-year subscriptions…

    ds.
    Los Angeles, CA

    MW = ‘take’ but I thought it was ‘fake’ which would have been more appropriate…

  13. Well, I have to disagree a bit – the video didn’t do much for me. There are some interface elements that are nice, but overall?

    The “wallpaper” is so cluttery and junky looking.

    The stupid directional pad is an atrocious design decision. If you have more than a few songs or artists to listen to, your thumb will go numb pressing that thing to navigate.

    The sharing is, as many have said, a premium price for a semi-useless feature. It certainly doesn’t seem to be a compelling sales point.

    But hey, at least Steve Ballmer’s kids will have “cool” new brown things so they can hang with the other kids in school now.

    Zune. Microsoft pulls an “iPod killer” out its ass. Coming soon in brown to a store near you. 😀

  14. does anyone think that this v.1 Zune is actually a stopgap? a way to get their foot in the door and gain a little mindshare and traction while they actually work on a better player? just a question.

    that being said, if Zune doesn’t play Plays For Sure… that’s gonna be sooo suh-weet! the ultimate irony. and sure to piss of partners.

    and as for this lame assed sharing option… most of my friends live in other states so when i want to share a song with them i convert it to an mp4 or mp3 and email it to ’em. and they can keep it and play it forever if they want. share it for three plays or three days… what kinda crap is that? that’s an option that’ll be popular for a New York Minute… if the crappy thing manages to sale.

    iPod+iTunes+iTMS… that’s the formula, folks!

  15. and notice how the British press is mostly silent on the release of the Zune? that tells you a few things:

    1) the official Zune announcement was so anticlimatic that people werent all that interested.

    2) Apple is the big dog right now in this arena, and thusly garners a lot of attention. good and bad.

    3) trolling for hits on a product that has no customer base is not likely to get you hits. trolling for hits on a product that has a HUGE customer base is likely to get you a LOT of hits.

  16. Lets face it, if Apple had just introduced large screen video iPods with WiFi community features, and an FM tuner, all the Zune trashers here would be instead saying how Apple had taken things to the next level.

    “If you’re close enough to beam a picture to someone else’s Zune, wouldn’t you be able to just say, “Hey, look at this picture”, and show them your Zune?”

    then you could give them your Zune to take home to upload the picture to their PC.

    “If I want a friend to have a song I simply gift it to them via iTunes. Very easy and only 99¢.

    Or with the Zune you could give it to them right now at no cost to you, and using their subscription they could download it for free later if they liked it.

    I wonder which model will work out to be more popular, buying $0.99 songs for all your friends, or transferring them temporary ones they can download later on their own dime.

    “My theory on the wide screen iPod… Apple wanted to wait and see the Zune in action so they could be sure to be one-upping the thing in every way. “

    Bad theory, if they’re launching a product in the next few months it has to be in the final stages of testing now. Unless of course you’re saying they’d trash the design and redesign to match or exceed the Zune.

    “share it for three plays or three days… what kinda crap is that? that’s an option that’ll be popular for a New York Minute..”

    there’s two ways this works well.

    If you prefer to download songs for $0.99 you get to listen to the song a few times and decide whether you want to buy it they’re banking on people sharing music, finding they like some, and tagging it for purchase.

    Or if you have the music subscription 3 plays or 3 days turns into “as long as you have a subscription” next time you connect to your PC.

  17. Brown. How apropos. A piece of shit “MP3 player” that comes in the same color as shit. If this thing takes off, I’ll eat shit.

    I have to wonder what is going on in Redmond. Bill Gates is giving away most of his fortune for philanthopic purposes. But it almost seems like the company he built is purposely self-destructing. Then again, one doesn’t have to wonder why Apple keeps so many things secret up until the last minute. It’s because it would give Redmond more time to COPY Apple. Apple’s innovation level has become so strong, so powerful, that even Microshaft can’t come close.

    The Zune is the Microsoft Bob of this decade. Anyone who buys one is a motley fool. The latest upgrades to the 5G iPod line were just to keep the masses happy and sell through the holiday season. It’s the 6G that will completely and utterly blow the Zune out of Microsoft’s ass.

  18. Can’t wait to take delivery of my new poo-coloured Zune, so I can’t watch it as I flush it down the bowl…round and round, down and down it goes…just like M$ share prices.

    The kids are reeeally gonna luv this one, folks. You know, the ones still in their nappies. Have to admit, M$ really suprised me this time, by finally making a product where form meets function. Never thought they had it in ’em.

    I bet the Apple exec’s are sh*tt*ng their pants too! Who’d want to buy a bright, beautiful and tiny iPod nano, when soon you’ll be able to buy a large, turd-coloured brick from M$ for who knows, maybe only $50 more???

    And don’t forget that Zune is multi-functional. Being brick-like, owners can use it as a weapon and throw it at people. Only in self-defense of course. Everybody knows, a pink iPod nano is completely useless in a street fight.

    Zune, you know you want one!

    Now please excuse while I go take a dump…

  19. Hmmm
    Colours – yuk
    Ease of use – Yuk
    Thought went through my head – operating system? Who is the publisher of the opsys for this little unit?
    will it have a blue screen of oops too? and how long will it be in the wild before it catches a virus or worse – some little cold that tells the oppsys to clean the hd of the “zune” …

    Just some thoughts…

    And I am so happy I bought Apple stock rather than M$. (Laughing all the way to the bank) ….

    Small wonder that the announcement was a non-event.

    MDN=small as in M$’s market share witht his Toshiba merde.

  20. THE BOTTOM LINE?

    Zune will do something very, very important.

    It will confirm beyond any doubt that Apple is the ‘innovations factory’ (thanks David Pogue), and is cool beyond cool.

    It will also confirm that Microsoft has less product creating skill than even Dell has demonstrated it hasn’t got.

    And that, fellow zealots, will be a GREAT achievement!

    (PS Is it just me, or is there something really weird about Allard and Ballmer? Allard looks like the odd stepson of the Monkey Man. Weird, really weird.)

  21. on the 3 days/3 plays issue…

    there’s two ways this works well.

    If you prefer to download songs for $0.99 you get to listen to the song a few times and decide whether you want to buy it they’re banking on people sharing music, finding they like some, and tagging it for purchase.

    Or if you have the music subscription 3 plays or 3 days turns into “as long as you have a subscription” next time you connect to your PC.

    but there has to be enough people walking around with Zunes to do it. if your friends all have ‘Pods, Rio, SanDisc, iRiver or any other type player that uses Plays For Sure, what good is it? for the sharing feature to be useful, let alone popular, enough people have to have to have the same type device.

    the situation is sort of like encrypted email. it’s a good idea and easily available, but not enough people are aware of it or want to deal with it to make it useful. tell ya what… if this Zune sharing thing takes off call me out on it and i’ll willingly dine on crow with a little pickapeppa sauce and a generous slice of humble pie.

  22. Tempus…
    “but there has to be enough people walking around with Zunes to do it. if your friends all have ‘Pods, Rio, SanDisc, iRiver or any other type player that uses Plays For Sure, what good is it?”

    It’s even worse than you think…

    remember… Zune won’t be able to use “plays for sure” tracks. Rio, iriver, sandisc won’t work with it.

    So Zunites will only be able to use the wireless connectivity/sharing tracks with the other 12 people who actually buy this brick.

  23. “So Zunites will only be able to use the wireless connectivity/sharing tracks with the other 12 people who actually buy this brick.

    right you are, Jim.
    …and did we mention that it also come in the color of s#!t?

    MW: “real”.
    “Real bright idea. A s#!t colored music player.”

  24. I got one of the early releases of the Zune!

    It’s totally expected on a Mac site like this to bash it.

    But lets ignore all the politics, fanboism and compare the devices.

    The Zune KICKS THE IPODS ASS!!

    Apple is fscking up royally with the iPod, their iTunes 7 is a total piece of crap of a update. Just look over at the Apple forums!!!

    The Zune will be cracked and people will soon be able to share entire hard drives of music between themselves just by simply sitting in class.

    This is Zunes “secret weapon” which makes the iPod a totally worthless device.

    The iPod still has the tiny screen and lack of personalization.

    Where is Apple’s innovation? They just slapped a “remake” on the present lineup and added movies and games. Both which is worthless on the tiny screen.

    Zune! It’s cool! It’s hip! I’m a shill and Apple is going to spill.

    Apple is tightening a DRM, Trusted Computing, EFI snitching noose around you dumb fsck Macheads neck and you don’t even see it.

    At least Microsoft allows it’s hardware and software to be easily cracked.

    DIE APPLE!!!

  25. To all those Microsofties posting here,

    When you listen to your iPod, I know you have one, gotta support those Windows developers and Apple is one of the best Windows developers. So when you listen to your iPod do you do it to socialize or do you do it to hear your tunes and tune out the rest of the world.

    Yes, I thought so. iPod listening is a solitary thing. An attempt to tune out and turn on, so to speak. An attempt to grove to your own thang.

    So why on earth would anyone put social tools in a MP3 player?

    If you wanted to have a social MP3 player why didn’t you put a second headphone jack in it and save the battery life?

  26. Hey Zune Owner– good one. I bow to M$’s innovation. They chose three new colors for a Toshiba machine. They include a wireless feature that will only work with the gaggle of ten people who buy these and meet yearly at a Star Trek convention.

    Innovation. Six years late to the party, playing dress up in someone else’s costume.

    Woo.

  27. “They include a wireless feature that will only work with the gaggle of ten people who buy these and meet yearly at a Star Trek convention.

    in defense of Trekkies…
    they’re the ones pushing the technology. they want the cool, smooth interfaces and computers that talk. in other words…

    forward thinking Trekkies are likely to be Mac users.

    the ones you’re thinking about are the fantasy gamers- D&D and the like.

    and in defense of myself- i went to one Trek convention. it was a… disturbing experiense. that was enough. wont do it again.

  28. New Article – MDN missed again…
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/5350258.stm
    iPod fans ‘shunning iTunes store’

    Most of the music on an iPod is not from iTunes, reveals report
    Despite the success of Apple iTunes, few people stock their iPod with tracks from the online store, reports a study.

    However, the report into the habits of iPod users reveals that 83% of iPod owners do not buy digital music regularly. The minority, 17%, buy and download music, usually single tracks, at least once per month.

    Only 5% of the music on an iPod will be bought from online music stores.

  29. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/5349312.stm

    I love the Xbox example. MS said that this will take years to gain a good marketshare and, you know what? It seems reasonable. Like it or not, guys, Apple is understanding the competition here, too. Do you think they lowered prices on the latest iPod just to get more people to buy it randomly? No, they knew that competition was about to get stiff and they wanted to solidify a price-point to entice people to buy the fullscreen iPod. And convince people that it’s not so expensive.

  30. When wireless Zunes come within range of each other they can share music. When wireless Zunes suddenly slip out of range with each other any songs that were playing sputter and crackle to a halt (uh oh, watch the volume control), the onscreen cursor spins while the Zune tries to reestablish a wireless connection (the control panel is locked-up at this point until Zune gives up on the wireless connection). Finally, when Zune gives up on the wireless connection it asks “what do you want to do?” (it does not begin playing alternative music track).

    Controlling Zune is a nightmare due to the pathetic ill-thought out software interface.

    The poor suckers who buy Zune are going to be very sad, especially when they realize “I could’a had’a iPod, oh crap”

  31. Apple didn’t lower the price because it IS a threat, they lowered prices to diminish a potential threat. They are doing to the rest of their competitors what was happened to them in the 80s. People continue to erroneously say Apple lost the OS war because it failed to license the OS. Not really– it lost on price as Sculley and others continued to see to only the wealthy.

    Jobs is known to have said that Apple’s mistake in the 80s was that they didn’t go after market share. That’s what they’re doing here.

    Now, let’s look at M$’s attempt to do exactly the same thing with Xbox. To gain share, they lose $400 per box sold. And still, the Xbox remains a small product, will limited distribution and a totally niche user base. It is at its heart, a game machine. I honestly don’t know a single person who owns one. While that is anecdotal only, it’s telling to some degree.

    Game players are always mistaking the group they hang around with for the majority. While Zune and other products may gain some popularity with them, they are a relatively small bunch.

  32. “That tiny little wheel coming off the large screen:”

    Much better the Apple idea of a huge clickwheel and expanse of white space and a tiny little screen.

    “When wireless Zunes suddenly slip out of range with each other any songs that were playing sputter and crackle to a halt”

    Yep the Zune’s wireless feature sucks compared to the iPod’s wireless feature.

  33. “To gain share, they lose $400 per box sold. And still, the Xbox remains a small product, will limited distribution and a totally niche user base. It is at its heart, a game machine. I honestly don’t know a single person who owns one. While that is anecdotal only, it’s telling to some degree.”

    If by small product you mean about 1/3 of all consoles sold, OK.

    A small niche product would be a computer system with 2% worldwide market share.

    All console makers loose money on the console and make it back on game royalties. That’s just the way it works.

  34. Actually that’s not true about console makers. Sony made money off the PS 1, and Nintendo always turns a profit on its boxes. It’s only the PS2 and Microsoft who can’t figure out how to do it.

    Microsoft’s wireless feature — oh boy. Can I please send songs to my friends that self-destruct? That’s a feature that no-one has been clamoring for. Wireless is a battery hog, so if it’s there it has to be useful. That isn’t useful, guys.

  35. “Nintendo always turns a profit on its boxes.”

    I guess nobody really cares what Nintendo does with also-ran products (Hint, perhaps that’s why the’re also-rans), or about Sony’s business models from 7 years back, it doesn’t have much relevance to what they do today. And it looks like with Wii, Nintendo hopes at best to break even on the console.

    The fact is that today the price of leading consoles is subsidised to get them into customer hands and the money is made on game royalties.

    As for wireless:

    Wireless not on = no power consumption, so it’s only going to suck juice when you turn it on and use it for something.
    Wireless DJ function seems useful.
    Wireless transfer of photos seems useful.
    Wireless transfer of songs is the same as permanent ownership of that song if you went for the subscription option.
    What if MS puts a free 12 month music store subscription in the box with the player? That’d make life interesting for Apple.
    Even without that subscription, you can still try before you buy, and no doubt someone will come up with a hack which lets you transfer non DRM’d files without adding DRM.

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