“When Microsoft went public in 1986, there was no 3-D videogaming, no enterprise software, and no Google. Two decades and $285 billion in market cap later, CEO Steve Ballmer is facing a stagnant stock price and more competition than ever. His strategy? Take the offensive,” Telis Demos reports for Fortune. “Microsoft is about to roll out new versions of Windows and Office.”
Demos spoke to Ballmer, whom he inexplicably describes as “affable” about what Sony’s troubles mean for the Xbox 360 game system, the future of advertising and why his kids shun iPods. Here are two choice snippets:
Demos: Do you have an iPod?
Ballmer: No, I do not. Nor do my children. My children–in many dimensions they’re as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I’ve got my kids brainwashed: You don’t use Google, and you don’t use an iPod.
Demos: Think you can you crack the iPod market?
Ballmer: It’s going to take an innovative proposition. In five years are people really going to carry two devices? One device that is their communication device, one device that is music? There’s going to be a lot of opportunities to get back in that game. We want to be in that game. Expect to see announcements from us in that area in the next 12 months.
Full article here.
MacDailyNews Take: So, Ballmer has to brainwash his own kids not to use the best choices in favor of Microsoft’s “solutions” and once again promises “announcements” that conveniently always seem to be 12 months off. Microsoft is “about” to roll out new versions of Windows and Office? It depends on your definition of the word “about,” we guess. Is this guy really CEO material?
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it’s in the pipeline. There’s a lot of super stuff up our pipeline. When do they finally get rid of this guy?
“”Microsoft is about to roll out new versions of Windows and Office.””
Define what ‘about’ means.
The poor devil’s can’t find a thing on the internet then…
I like the Balmer Picture. It is, if I am not mistaken, from the infamous “monkey-boy” video. Hillarious.
All I can say is that with all this stuff in the pipeline for the next 12 months….Developers….Developers….Developers….Developers……………………………..
: )
Hilarious! Not the quote about brainwashing the kids, mind you, but the quote about innovation and “getting back into the game…” LOL
There is a pipeline in Redmond. Unfortunately, the pipe is a sewage pipe. Nothing but crap coming out of it.
If Monkey-Boy brainwashes his own kids, how much more the general public?
On a different note: from a complete stop, a human is capable of outrunning a Formula One Racecar for about 30 feet!
Baldmer and MicroSloth…
Worth their weight in entertainment value alone!
MW:COURSE: as in…(referring to his children) “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
Terry Pratchett
A lot of times “going on the offensive” means actually doing something, or even releasing products. I guess Forbes considers “about to go on the offensive” the same as “going on the offensive.” Funny.
Now you know why even Microsoft employees want him fired! This guy belongs in a mental institution.
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You mean that man has bred?
seriously guys, the device he’s talking about is the real iPod killer: portable XBox/digital audio and video player. It’s going to kill Apple once and for all. You heard it here first.
Balmer quote at time of picture “I use my right hand like this when looking at porn”
Oh yea, here’s another interesting fact I never knew:
Bill Gates’ house was designed using a Macintosh computer!
The problem with Ballmer must go is who would take his place? Gates would still be there and he is no visionary leader.
If Microsoft did not have the OS monopoly it would be dead.
Bullmer is right when he said
“In five years are people really going to carry two devices? One device that is their communication device, one device that is music?
Unfortunately for him, it will be Apple that bring out a single, market-defining device in the near future and not Microsoft.
Wow, Microsoft just talks themselves and can quote themselves into the doom and gloom outlook, they really don’t need any help from a superior OS and company.
iPod is one thing….but brainwashing your kids not to use Google is so stupid…Google is a standard!
Now we know MS will never understand why iPod is successful. If Steve Balmer had let his kids have it and listen to them what they liked and did not like about iPod, then MS had chance of coming up with better iPod killer. With his attiduce, MS will never able to beat Apple.
If he is smart, he should get Apple iPod and Mac on his desk and study his competition.
He got his priority wrong. He should have brainwashed his kids to behave better instead of not using Google and iPods.
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How did he brainwash kids, anyway? By throwing chairs at them?
it’s in the pipeline. There’s a lot of super stuff up our pipeline. When do they finally get rid of this guy?
Well, that’s in the pipeline too, which is where he belongs, by the way…
amazing
what was that ‘other dimension’ in the superman comics, earth is cubic and everything backwards?
So in that dimension his kids have iPods… however everyone else in that twisted comic world is happily using Creative MP3’s and Napster. Poor kids.
In the picture above, is the dark blue patch on Steve Bullmers shirt the shadow cast by his shiny slapable-head, or just the big grease-ball sweating?
Well, Steve-o, I’d be sweating if I were you – a lot of your own employees want that big, shiny, slapable head on a plate for what you’ve done to the company…
Balmer is a fat, sweaty, egotistical man, with absolutely no vision.
Hence i think hes perfect as microsoft ceo.
Steve Ballmer is a dillweed.
http://getkickedoffaplanewearingthis.blogspot.com/
Am I the only who think the picture is a cheap shot?
The beauty of a black mock turtleneck is that if you are sweating it really doesn’t show.
I bet his kids saved their lunch money and got friends to buy iPods for them. Check their book bags! Look out for those chairs kids!
The poor kids! They have to hide their iPods where Daddy Ballmer won’t find them, along with their weed.
And Mommy Ballmer has probably stashed her iPod where she keeps her “facial massager”.
You know that his kids MUST have an iPod somewhere (they’re rich, they probably have a couple). He doesn’t know about it, but they have one.
And when they’re at their friends’ place or at school they Google, just like the rest of the world.
To force his kids not to use something because it competes with his company’s offerings is insecure and insane. Instead of convincing his kids by making a product that’s actually better, he’s strong-arming and brainwashing. This guy is destroying Microsoft.
I love Apple and I want it to succeed (and it is), so this guy may be the best thing to happen to Apple. But wouldn’t it be better if there were two companies making quality products and spurring each other on to better, cheaper and more effecient things?
billyboy:
Portable gaming plus a music player is just about the stupidest idea I’ve heard of. Now go back to playing with your schlong.
MS appointing this clown CEO is one of the best things that has happened to Apple
this is hilarious, the mw is children. as in i feel sorry for this man’s children. or his children are going to hate him when then grow up. or i wonder if his children secretly own ipods and he just doesn’t know it. maybe balmer should listen to his children to see what the next innovative product will be.
oh, and last but not least:
children as in holly sh*t this man has children!
I hope Ballmer man has a better looking wife so his children won’t be as ugly as he is.
Make me an heir to $12B and I’ll gladly skip Google and iPods….
Proves that Microsoft really sees other companies as big threats and has to treat them as mortal enemies.
He’d have got much more credit by saying ‘of course they have iPods and they always go at me for not making something better’…
He smacks of a Dictator. Bit like Hugo Chavez running Venezuela… totally barking mad.
WOW! That pig has children? If he were not so rich he would never have gotten laid.
Ballmer is gone within 8 months.
I don’t mean this as jest but, if I was made CEO on the same days as Ballmer at MS until this very day, MS would be in the exact same position. Meaning? During those days, a rabbit could have ridden that wave and received the same accolades.
He is talentless and a big part of the problem that MS is in.
The pipeline has been clogged for three years plus.
I’m really disgusted at someone who brainwashes his kids not to use the best options for their needs. Bad, sweaty CEO, that’s funny. Bad, sweaty parent, that’s ungodly.
As MDN has pointed out before, what’s the point of being a multibillionaire if you’re forced to use a second-rate OS or music player? We non-billionaires have far richer (and more enjoyable) lives than poor Monkey Boy.
“You don’t use Google, and you don’t use an iPod.”
This is like eh..corporate punsihment?
God forbid they actually find what they need on the web and have a useful mp3 player.
He’s turning them into mac users anyway, they’ll start rebelling soon enough. Hah!
Great to see Balmer’s household has the Monopoly Stanglehold Mentality© too.
At least the guy is consistent…forcing inferior products on anyone he can.
dunno connor MacBook. Ask Steve Jobs.
Ballmer is a real piece of work ……….
He wont let his kids use a iPod?
and all the millions of people who upgraded from windoze 95 to XP
so they could use their iPod
where is the gratitude?
BALLMER iPOD AD ……..
http://www.macboy.com/cartoons/ballmer/
I think the authorities should be alerted to this admission of brainwashing the kids. I really think a full investigation is in order….NOW……..
This guy amazes me. The CEO of one of the hugest organisations in the world and he’s so gobsmackingly unprofessional. His answers in interviews always seem to be poorly considered. Surely Bill could find someone better than this?!?
Is this guy CEO material? Of course he is- he’s spouting the generic IT garbage that most of ’em do- especially the CIO, who totally depends upon the microsoft teat to spray his minions and keep his job.
ok – i know this is buried in the feedback stream, and this might get edited out, but…
i propose i new nickname for monkeyboy. looking at the above photo, i here-by decree monkeyboy to be refered to as “HAND-JOB BOY” forthwith.
Brainwashing? Brainwashing sounds like what the dictatorships do. Our things are good and the rest is evil.
Wouldn’t that be educating in the use of non Apple or Google solutions?. Wouldn’t it be better for him to admitt he educates his children to purchase logically and with head, to be responsible consumers (and here, we have to respect that he thinks that Apple things are not the best options, despite we do not share his views. After all this depends on the subject. We should accept his way of thinking). But no, he seems not to think this way, he seems just an everything-non-M$ hater. This are just enterprise oriented voices. Perhaps he’s got an iPod (now this way he knows this is not thr product for him). Well…
Someone said:
“WOW! That pig has children?W
Well, sure he should loose a lot of weight. But you know, perhaps he’s a good father . We cannot tell. There’s a difference between having a child and being a father, u know……
Expect to see announcements from us in that area in the next 12 months – or is that 14 months? Hmm, wait a minute … could be 16 months. Lets make it 24 for safety’s sake. Oh, I didn’t think about the shakedown period … nor security! That’s a big one … let me see … 24 … 12 … 6 … ham sandwich … I make it, uhh … six months. And three years, yeah! For sure. Definite! Oh, the developers … [mumbles: developers, developers, developers …] three years and six makes 43 [sic] plus Bill’s bash … 50 months. And that’s F.I.N.A.L. Maybe.
Now excuse me while I get a ham sandwich. <i>Hasta la Vista,/i>.
This is not rocket science ladies and gentlemen; how else do you get people to exclusively buy into a product like MS Windows.
And no, Ballmer is not CEO material – of course, duh – but he’s definitely on the band wagon.
Oh they will have the announcements in the next 12 months. Announcements they have plenty of. Actual products is a whole other story.
Microsoft losing Ballmer would be BAD for all of us.
It would the same as if the Allies actually got to Hitler during WWII and took him out.
The fact that he’s still there and running things is sooooooooo, sooooooooo, sweet.
Let the enemy destroy and kill itself.
P.S. I swear to you, Steve Jobs must be laughing his fricking ASS off at this guy!
His kids have a video iPod. They watch daddy do the monkey dance on their iPod.
Headline:
Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, is offensive.
Proves that Microsoft really sees other companies as big threats and has to treat them as mortal enemies.
Just like Dick Cheney sees other countries.
Exactly! Ballmer doesn’t seems to know the difference between
“going on the offensive” and just “being offensive”. The latter of the two he does very well!
LOL Elmer F.U.D.
It reminds me that deodorant/anti-perspirant (i won’t put the name, i don’t want to be called sales assistant or something) advertisement with Chuck Norris that said “The best defense is not to offend”
Maybe his children are tone-deaf? So they can’t tell if the music that their Daddy’s company makes is non-existant.
MDN word “learned” as in “When will microsoft employees stop lying to children?”.
MS will be better off once they shed him.
” In five years are people really going to carry two devices? One device that is their communication device, one device that is music?”
The funny thing is that nearly every party involved have intentionally tried to keep this from happening. Apple will allow iTunes on a phone, but want to cap it at 100 songs to avoid hurting iPod sales. Service providers will allow iTunes on a phone, but won’t let you buy from iTMS wirelessly because they want to sell their own music for 2-3x as much. Phone makers will put iTunes on a phone, but they won’t put enough memory on the phone to store much, even if Apple would allow more than 100 songs.
Let’s say Apple does make an iPod/phone hybrid. They still need a carrier. I suspect it won’t be on a major carrier such as Sprint. It would be interesting if the could go via an MVNO.
Ballmer needs a good proctologist, you know… to clear the MS innovations out his pipeline.
Repeat after me, kids: “I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… I… LOVE… THIS… COMPANY… “
There’s going to be a lot of opportunities to get back in that game. We want to be in that game.
God, this man is an idiot. He sounds like a used car salesman, which I guess shouldn’t be surprising.
Do a search for “Uncle Fester” on Google….
Says “Image results for Uncle Fester”
Ballmer’s pic is #1
http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=Uncle+Fester&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Google Rocks!
Bwhahahahah.
This is good too…
http://www.networkworld.com/weblogs/layer8/011218.html
…too bad we all missed the contest deadline!
Why oh why does Microsoft have to compete in every market category? Why can’t someone else make a successful technology product without Ballmer and Gates screaming “Oh my God we have to do that too!! Kill it! Kill that company!!”
Can’t they just make xBoxes, Windows and Office? Why do they have to make a web browser? Why do they need to kill off Google, exactly? Why do they think they need to make an MP3 player? Can’t anyone else exist in the same world as Microsoft?
Ballmer=Asshat.
“Balmer quote at time of picture “I use my right hand like this when looking at porn””
LOL! I love it!
Jooop:
MS has an integrated inferiority complex. Considering that their money was made ripping off Apple, they will always be in denial about their ability to innovate
<asbestos jock on>
Say what you want about him as a CEO (it’s all probably true
” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”wink” style=”border:0;” /> but in person with family, Steve’s actually a nice normal guy – you wouldn’t guess in a million years that he is who he is. His wife is friendly and his kids are sweet, however musically impaired they may be. Jeez, do the people you all work with know about who you really are at home? I’m a total Mac-head, I’ve had only Apples since my //e and Mac SE, I LMAO at the monkey-boy video, and I think MS is a big nasty monopoly, but that doesn’t make him fair game for all this personal bashing.
<ok, do your worst…>
Hey, it’s just smack talk. Don’t get all sensitive on his behalf. He’s a multi BILLIONair. What does he care what we think? If he gets his feelings hurt, he can hire a good shrink.
Hey Balmer: try some freakin’ rightguard already! LOL
KIDS! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!
No iPods and NO GOOGLE!
*chair whistles overhead*
And NO TOWELS! No matter HOW SWEATY I GET!!!
Now I truly know this man is a effing asshole.
He brings his kids into the picture.
Is this guy really CEO material?
NO!
Most of the world, incorrectly, assumes Bill Gates is the CEO. Gates ranked highly (but behind Steve Jobs) in a survey last of of top execs for their pick for best CEO. The survey was done by a reputable major busines magazine.
So even executives are fools!
i can see it now.. news headline ballmer beet to deth cause he wouldent let his kids use ipods or google….. such a loss….not
death sry
Can you imagine it? You’re in class and everyone is laughing at your father appearing in the local paper, reportedly throwing chairs and shrieking how he is going to KILL F******* GOOGLE!
You go home and he’s screaming into a cell phone at all hours and threatening you with physical violence if you use Google or don’t carry a Zune at all times. You are forced to carry one, pretending to enjoy it, even though most of the music skips and it sounds like house pets being shoved into cuisineart.
You dream of being an orphan and not having to listen to the psychotic ravings of a child-man.
LOL YA MICRO$UCK amirite fellas XD
Jesus, I’m not even into PC’s or choose sides, but this is just one huge circle jerk.
Now, I’m not an Apple person (I use Linux), but I am an anti-Microsoft type. I once encountered on rathe runinformed idiot who said Ballmer is a nice guy, this admission here, along with the chair incedent, not to mention the fact he makes an ass of himself every time he appears in public are proof positive he’s not a nice guy,
Steve really needs to use more deodorant!
When I saw the part of the title of this article and I only saw Balmer admits to…. I thought he was going to admit to doing a gram of cocaine before he goes on stage.
AND he doesn’t REALIZE the iPhone also plays music?
its an iPOD, a internet BROWSER and a Phone.
its ONE device… famous famous famous LAUNCH in 2007.
Dude, it was 2006 and he was thinking about a Zune, brown, with a social.
The iPhone was released in 2007.
It’s amazing that so many people thought Ballmer was incompetent 7 years ago.
This article with Ballmer’s “vision” is even funnier 7 years later!
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