What’s on Jesus’ iPod?

51 Comments

“You know he has one. You know it’s the big 60GB model, loaded, flawless and gleaming and radiating a strange liquid ethereal glow and couched in a beautiful custom rainbow-colored biodegradable case made of clouds and eagle feathers and wine,” Mark Morford writes for The San Francisco Gate. “And of course Jesus gets his iPods wholesale, given how he and Steve Jobs go way back, back to the time when Jobs was a scruffy twentysomething geek ever praying for revelation and God finally gave Jesus the green light to inspire the first Mac. The iPod and Jesus — it just makes sense.”

“Got a tune you truly believe is on Jesus’ iPod? Send me your song suggestions and a brief reason why you think it’s on Jesus’ iPod, and if I receive sufficient replies I might just run it in a follow-up column. Send suggestions to mmorford@sfgate.com no later than May 3, or by the Second Coming, whichever comes first. Praise Jesus. Or, you know, Steve Jobs,” Morford writes.

Full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: Morford’s going straight to hell.

Related MacDailyNews articles:
The iPod is bigger than Jesus, now can Apple’s Mac take on Windows? – January 31, 2005

51 Comments

  3. Dude, I totaly have an iPod photo.
    It comes in very handy when I’m showing those poor souls why their here. I’ve also got the Bose noise cancelling headphones (custom fitted, Duh) to drown out all that crying and screaming.
    C’mon can’t you people just suffer in silence!
    Christ, you’re dead! Get over it!

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  5. Yet to see any historical evidence that the character referred to as Jesus was a real person. Seems to be a conglomerate character of many personalities/stories/mythologies.

    The Jesus stories are uncannily similar to many other myths and legends from other cultures long predating the J’s purported time. Hard to see why anyone would think it was literal and real and proprietary. In ancient times especially, “history” wasn’t necessarily meant as a literal factual account as we expect from the discipline today. It was more of a way of weaving together a community and agreeing on some kind of common identity for outright survival or just convenience.

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  7. Natis,

    Fsck you.

    Americans have been carrying guns and believing in God since at least 1776. That means they’ve been killing the country for a long time then, no? My blame is between the liberal radicals (“if it feels good, do it”) and the baron capitalists (“if it makes money, do it”). People need to fully think through the consequences of their actions beforehand.

    As far as Jesus’ iPod: include a few tracks of Buddy Holly. ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”smile” style=”border:0;” />

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  13. Jesus has the entire Godflesh catalog, the entire unreleased Sonic Youth collection, and 6 hours of tape hiss that he pipes into Brian Eno’s brain at night.

    Not me: “My blame is between the liberal radicals (“if it feels good, do it”)”

    Uh, dude…I’m a raging liberal and my moral code doesn’t include a nything like the premise of “if it feels good, do it” – you might be thinking of the guys from A Clockwork Orange ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”smile” style=”border:0;” />

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  17. Founding fathers overly religious?

    “In the “Declaration of Independence,” the founding document of what would become the United States, Thomas Jefferson mentions “nature’s God.” Unfortunately, this phrase is unclear. The religious beliefs of Jefferson were much debated in his time and still are over two centuries later. Through the letters and other writings of Jefferson, it is possible to construct an outline of his beliefs. Although he supported the moral teachings of Jesus, Jefferson believed in a creator similar to the God of deism. In the tradition of deism, Jefferson based his God on reason and rejected revealed religion.”

    You should also look into the history of New York City (which, for the most part with Boston, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and the state of California make up the bulk of this nation’s financial and educational backbone) was founded not the principle of religious freedom, but strictly for the extension of Dutch capitalism.

    And ‘not me’ (some courage shown there) “My blame is between the liberal radicals (“if it feels good, do it”) and the baron capitalists (“if it makes money, do it”). ” Bashing both liberals and capitalists in the same sentence doesn’t make much sense as they are pretty much perceived polar opposites. “Liberal” thought is what has granted women the right to vote, ended slavery, ended idiotic segregation and a host of other things. Capitalism is the true backbone to this country and if you have problems with it, go elsewhere. How about putting down the “good book” (HA!) and maybe pick up Milton Friedman’s “Capitalism and Freedom”.

    Or is that at a reading level you can’t comprehend? Perhaps you’re still using “My Lil’Illustrated Bible”.

    Reply

  20. I can’t believe that we are talking about His iPod and not one person has suggested Elvis Presley. None of the bands mention so far would be worth chit if Elvis did not show the world how to do it.

    Jesus’ top three Elvis tracks?

    ‘All Shook Up’ when feeling inspired.

    ‘Jailhouse Rock’ to keep His spirits up after being arrested.

    ‘Suspicious Minds’ because it teaches us about trust.

    Reply

  24. Long Wait for Short Horn

    I think God/Jesus/Holy Ghost is secure enough in Himself, having created the entire Universe and all, to allow us a little fun here.

    I’ve thought of another one by the way:-

    Top of the World by The Carpenters

    Reply

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