“Every September, I eagerly await the unveiling of the new iPhones. I also feel a sense of dread, wondering what Apple is going to call them,” Ken Segall writes for The Observatory. “That’s because, when it comes to iPhone naming, Apple seems to wage a war against common sense… Inexplicably, the company continues to struggle with four naming problems of its own making.”

“Apple clings to the notion that unveiling an S model every other year is a good idea. It isn’t,” Segall writes. “Not to sound like a broken record, but this practice only reinforces the popular misperception that S models represent ‘off-years,’ when only incremental improvements arrive. This is far from the reality, as some of iPhone’s most important updates have come in the S years (64-bit processing, Siri, Touch ID)… Why on earth would you train your customers to believe there are ‘on’ and ‘off’ years? It’s naming insanity.”

MacDailyNews Take: As regular readers know, we’ve written a book’s worth on iPhone naming. Some examples:

“S” year iPhones were not “slight upgrades,” but that horrid mischaracterization is exactly why we advised Apple to drop the the stupid “S of Death” naming scheme many years ago.MacDailyNews, September 13, 2017

Apple, enough with the stupid iPhone ‘S’ naming already.

iPhone “S” years usher in hugely significant features, such as oleophobic displays, significant GPU improvements, world phone capability, Siri personal assistant, video stabilization, panorama photos, 64-bit processors, TD-LTE support, Touch ID, and 3D Touch, among other improvements and additions. Each year’s iPhone deserves its own number. By not doing so, Apple is shooting itself in the foot; handicapping iPhones with an “S” every other year. Why Tim Cook or Phil Schiller haven’t put an end to this stupid – yes, stupid – “S” naming is inexplicable. Why don’t you just name it “iPhone No Big Deal This Year,” Tim and Phil?

Here’s what you say onstage and in the press release when there’s no “iPhone 7s” and you jump directly from iPhone 7 to iPhone 8: “The improvements are such that the new iPhone deserves its own number.” Period. Done. Mission accomplished. It’s your naming convention, Apple, and you can correct your stupid mistake at any time. — MacDailyNews, September 16, 2015

It’s as if Apple is naming iPhone models solely for their own internal inventory purposes, just so they can keep track of which model is which, with no regard for how the iPhones are perceived by the rest of the world – the media, the customers, etc. – outside One Infinite Loop.

The “S” doesn’t stand for “Speed,” it stands for “Stupid.” Yes, we know it’s the same case design; we know the “S” version is the one you make the big margins on; we get it. Call it the “S” internally if you must, but don’t be so engineer-ish that you insist on calling it that on the box, too!

It’s not about sales figures or the model’s success (as long as “iPhone” is in the name, it will be a success), it’s about setting a tone. In this case, with the “S,” Apple sets a tone that they are just making an incremental update… Why gift the naysayers with the opportunity, Apple?MacDailyNews Take, April 5, 2013

There are plenty of numbers in the universe. Infinite, actually. Don’t worry, Apple, you won’t run out.MacDailyNews, October 4, 2011

“When we see a model identifier like ‘8S,’ we read it as a number and a letter. When we see a model identifier like ‘XS’ or ‘XR,’ our little brains see two letters. In general, Roman numerals and letters aren’t a good mix,” Segall writes. “The R is not only confusing when paired with X-pronounced-as-ten, it’s confusing all by itself. Specifically — what the heck does that R even mean?”

MacDailyNews Take: Don’t say it, but you know critics (and maybe even some X, Xs, and Xs Max owners) are thinking, “Oh, the XR is that iPhone with the [R worded] display.” More brilliant naming on Apple’s part. Lead everyone straight toward the most damaging adjective possible.

“In the name iPhone XS, is that a big S or a little s?” Segall writes. “Inconsistencies drive me crazy. In Apple literature, it’s a small s. In ads from Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile and Best Buy, it’s a big S. Can we hold Apple responsible for its partners’ ads? Hell, yes. Apple makes and enforces a ton of rules for anyone authorized to sell its products. The devil is in the details.”

MacDailyNews Take: We remain wholly unconvinced that Tim Cook’s Apple holds attention to detail in the same esteem as Steve Jobs’ Apple once did.

“The Samsung-ization of iPhone ads Okay, this isn’t a naming thing, but to many it is far more disturbing,” Segall writes. “On first viewing, Apple’s ad for the XS/Max felt more like Samsung to me than Apple. In fact, it is stunningly similar in style to the Samsung Note 9 ad running currently.”

Read more in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: As per iPhone naming, either Phil Schiller, SVP of the world’s most valuable company and a marketing master in most other matters, is one of the world’s most awful, most confused product-namers ever; the naming is due to too many Cooks in the kitchen (smirk); or Phil’s just fscking with us. With names like “Xs,” “Xs Max,” and “XR,” we lean toward the latter explanation.

On that last point, the “Samsung-ization of iPhone ads:” Our thoughts exactly. Except Samsung’s song is catchier and therefore better.

SEE ALSO:
iPhone 9? Apple has likely changed how iPhones are named – September 13, 2017
Apple, enough with the stupid iPhone ‘S’ naming already – September 16, 2015