Dan Lyons: Apple has run out of gas and has nothing interesting to sell

“If no news is good news, Apple just hit one out of the ballpark. At the annual Macworld trade show in San Francisco today, Apple put on an excruciating 90-minute keynote that may go down in history as the worst Apple event of all time. In brief: for the first time in recent memory, Apple has nothing interesting to sell. And the company’s remarkable decadelong run as the hottest company in consumer electronics may be drawing to a close,” Dan “Hey, Look At Me, I Used To Pretend To Be a Famous CEO, But Now I Just Turn Tricks For an Irrelevant 12-page Second-Rate Newsweekly That Has To Invent Retarded Horseshit in Increasingly Lame Attempts to Attract Clicks” Lyons writes for NewsWeek.

MacDailyNews Take: Dan Lyons is a royal asshole. Google it. In fact, post that phrase on websites far and wide.

And, oh by the way, Macworld Expo is dead. Get over it. Apple skates to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been. As Phil said during his keynote, likely much to IDG’s chagrin, “Each and every week, now, 3.4 million customers visit Apple Stores aroung the world. That’s unbelievable. And, I’m sorry, I have to make the comparison: That’s a hundred Macworlds each and every week going on around the world in our Apple Stores.”

Lyons continues, “For the past decade Apple CEO Steve Jobs has been the star of Macworld, thrilling the Apple faithful with artfully staged keynotes and amazing new products. But a few weeks ago Apple announced that Jobs would not be in attendance this year and would send Apple marketing chief Phil Schiller in his place. That fueled yet more speculation about Jobs’s health—he’s been looking sick for a year now.”

MacDailyNews Take: Judging by Lyons’ recent work, the fact that Steve Jobs continues to draw breath is driving him insane. Keep on breathing, Steve!

Lyons continues, “How bad was it? Let me put this as politely as possible. It was awful. Almost unbearable… The only event I’ve ever seen that was more boring was Microsoft’s rollout of Windows Vista in New York a few years ago. I was left today with the same feeling I had at the Vista event: these guys have run out of ideas, so now they’re just piling more and more features onto existing products, loading them up with complexity and calling it innovation… My takeaway? This is a company that has run out of gas. The image of Steve Jobs in declining health, losing weight, looking old and tired, turns out to be a perfect metaphor for Apple itself.”

MacDailyNews Take: Dan Lyons seems intent on becoming the poor man’s John Dvorak. And that’s about as sad as it gets. An Atlantic City hooker commands more respect.

Full article – oops, we lost the link. While we look for it, try this one instead: TIME.com

Ask Newsweek why they employ a royal asshole and if they really believe that this sort of bullshit is going to stop the bleeding over there:

Now, watch Phil Schiller’s keynote and form your own opinion here.