By SteveJack
Microsoft began the next phase of their $300 million Windows Vista resuscitation campaign with three new TV ads on Thursday night.
Microsoft’s first ad begins with a poor imitation of John Hodgman, who plays the “PC” in Apple’s “Get a Mac” ads. This is actually quite appropriate for a company whose main product, Windows, and whose biggest current failure, Zune, are themselves poor imitations of Apple creations.
Microsoft’s fake Hodgman claims, “Hello, I’m a PC, and I’ve been made into a stereotype.” Somehow, Microsoft seems to have failed to notice that they are reinforcing said claimed sterotype by using an imitation Hodgman to headline their commercials. Sometimes, the cluelessness astounds.
The ad then segues into a montage of many different people from many walks of life who each claim, “I’m a PC,” too. Microsoft seems confused about what they’re selling: they are supposed to be selling “Windows,” not “PCs.” Microsoft doesn’t even make PCs. HP makes “PCs,” though. And HP, like Microsoft, is currently busy trying to hide Windows, too, by applying lipstick to the Vista pig while exploring the possibility of creating their own OS without Microsoft.
At the end of the ad, finally, Microsoft gets around to showing the Windows logo with the hypocritical and insanely stupid tag line text, “Windows. Life Without Walls.” Hypocritical, because Microsoft’s entire business is based on trapping people within Windows to the point where they come to believe that they cannot ever hope to escape. (Windows users: You really can escape and it’s way easier than you might think.) Insanely stupid, because, if you’re living a “Life Without Walls,” then you obviously have no need for Windows. Duh. Great ad agency you have there, Microsoft. Who the hell gave final approval for that tag line? Oh, yeah, Ballmer. It all makes sense now.
Shameless mug plug: In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows? (Get one today – it’s an especially great gift for IT guys!)
Here’s Microsoft’s first ad:
Deepak Chopra: “I’m a PC and a human being. Not a human doing. Not a human thinking. A human being.” Presumably, he just sits on the couch all day staring at a blank wall while eating chips. Paint chips. Lead-based. Listen, we already know that you’re not thinking Deepak, you fraud, or you’d be using a Mac. It’s typical that vapid Hollywood types – and Microsoft – would eat up that sort of meaningless tripe.
Microsoft’s other two ads also do their damnedest to show a bunch of people claiming to be personal computers, too:
I’m a PC, but I used a Mac to make these fruitless commercials.” (“Fruitless,” get it?)
Anyway, if Microsoft’s goal was to convince people that it’s okay to use PCs, then the ads are almost passable. I say “almost” because the overriding message highlighted right upfront by fake Hodgman is that Microsoft is yet again weakly copying Apple and also because there’s a very real risk that the average viewer might end up wondering, “Hey, if Microsoft’s so worked up about responding to Apple’s Mac ads, then maybe I should stop into my neighborhood Apple Store to see what all the fuss is about before I buy my next PC?” Or maybe, “Why don’t they mention that Windows Vista I keep hearing bad things about?” Or even, “Boy, Microsoft sure seems confused.”
That Microsoft runs the very real risk of driving even more people to Macs obliterates their muddled message that “a ton of people all made the very same mistake, but since we all don’t know any better, it’s okay to smile blissfully and proclaim our use of inferior personal computers,” uh, I mean, “it’s ok to be a PC even though Apple makes fun of us and we’ve never even touched a Mac so we have no earthly idea what we’re missing.” Uh, well, you know what I’m saying. Microsoft’s real goal is simply to keep the sheep in the pen.
So far, Microsoft’s $300 million ad campaign has, like a Windows PC, a lot of disparate parts that don’t really work very well – or at all – together. None of what I’ve seen so far seems to have resulted in the sale of a single copy of Windows Vista, but Microsoft’s floundering about may well have helped Apple sell even more new Macs.
And now, to cleanse the palate, here’s a real image ad:
SteveJack is a long-time Macintosh user, web designer, multimedia producer and a regular contributor to the MacDailyNews Opinion section.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Readers too numerous to mention for the heads up.]
Oh look, the ‘Yawn’ troll is back. Let’s screw with him:
“You people are funny..You enjoy your little macs, enjoy buying a product for more money than its value.”
Article 1 presented to the court: A tattered old LIE that has been retold endlessly using the propaganda strategy that if you say a lie enough times, people will believe you. Witness the Bush League lying to use endlessly that Saddam Husein had anything whatsoever to do with 9/11. This strategy is ancient, and soooo boring. Every single study of Mac versus Windows PC cost has proved the Mac to be the CHEAPER computer. Clue: Never just consider shelf price, unless of course you want to act mentally challenged and ‘special’.
“You justify your purchase by supporting mindless attack ads that don’t say anything about your product.”
Right, like the series of Mac ads that discuss how easy it is to switch from Windows to Mac by simply taking your new Mac into any Apple store to have your files transferred over for free. That says nothing about the joy of being an Apple owner. Nothing at all. Just keep those blinders on good and tight!
“Tell me, how much would it cost for me to purchase a mac with a dual core 3.0 processor, a 750gb hard drive, and a 1gb graphics card. Oh they don’t sell anything that powerful?”
Lazy as ever. Never do your own homework. Total failure in school, if they ever found out how you cheated on exams. DIY dopey. It’s called ‘Customize Your Mac’:
http://applestore.com/us/help/online_store_exclusives
Now take a look at the configurations of the Mac Pro you can buy:
You can customize your Mac to have 4 TERABYTES of hard drive space. Hmm. That’s comfy.
How about we toss in two 3.2 GHz Quad-Core Xeons? Nice and fast.
Want some RAM? How about 32 GB! (Can’t do that on any regular PC. It requires 64 bit processing. And we already know, because I’ve posted why, Windows users are avoiding the MS created pitfalls of 64 bit Windows like the plague).
Graphics card? I’ll take the NVIDIA Quadro FX 5600 with 1.5 GB of memory.
“Damn, logic sure makes apple look bad.”
BWAHAHAHA! Who’s looking bad right now? You, insipid troll.
“So keep buying your macs for their looks…”
Heeheehee! When have you ever found any of us here blethering on and on about how pretty our Macs are? Look up the word “utilitarian”. I know it’s a big word, but you can do it. Opening a book is not that hard.
“or for the programs that are emulated to work on the more powerful PCs”
You just broke your leg. What do you think you’re talking about. No such thing. Oops, wrong planet.
“keep on mindlessly following what seems cool without questioning why such a bad machine costs so much.”
I have to yawn at you Yawn. FUD, Lies, insults, propaganda, all the day through. And we laugh at you. And you don’t like that do you? But it’s your own fault. You chose the bliss of ignorance over fact. And we’re not buying. Go try the trailer park down the road. They’ll love your cheap Celeron Windows PCs.
Wow… SteveJack is bitter
Doug sez: “MS should really have spent the $300M on making a better product rather than trying to convince people that the one they’ve got is better than it is.”
When a company gets this DESPERATE that they have to turn to ads to sell a product they introduced a year and a half ago that people literally AVOIDED and COMPLAINED about when it was installed on their new PC, you realize one thing:
The company can’t make their product better. They don’t know how. Their Research and Development departments have been gutted of talent and filled with dolts. Marketing has taken over, and marketing suck at two things in particular:
1) Leadership. They make the absolute worst leaders. Witness Ballmer. Witness George W. Bush. Great salesman! Moron leader. Gotta love how he talks! Completely clueless inside. Vehement about what he believes in! And what he believes in is vacuous ignorance and deceit. Make everyone happy when you talk! Too bad it requires incessant lying to make them feel that way.
2) Production. They don’t produce anything tangible. All the create is perception, aka deception. Witness how the Bush League, who are predominately marketing oriented, utterly failed to produce tangible quality results in just about anything.
So here we have Microsoft who are (A) Unable to improve their products (B) Under the worst possible kind of management.
These worthless ads are the result. It’s called decay.
A few comments:
One, the bar has been lowered by the Gates-Seinfeld ads, so that anything else will seem like a success.
Two, the “i’m a pc” campaign is less about logic, and more about feeling. There are logic errors everywhere, but come on, PC-users wouldn’t be PC-users if they used any logic.
Three, the campaign is NOT going to get Mac users to switch, it’s to keep the existing PC users thinking it’s okay to be “pc”.
In conclusion, this is a bit like politics, where the hardcore base, is not going to be swayed. Mac users are going to laugh at all the hypocrisy and inconsistencies in the PC ad. PC users will feel justification for their use of a PC, because they like “being”, rather than “doing” or “thinking”. It’s those people in the middle, the independents, that both ad campaigns are targeting. Apple hopes that people with those problems they illustrate will consider switching. MS hopes that those sheep won’t stray from the flock, because that flock is so cool, it’s got Deepak and Eva, and other cool people who think saying “i’m a pc” is like cool! They probably think they’re saying, “i’m politically correct by using a PC”.
“But the Hodgeman and Long characters in those commercials represent computers. They are not acting as humans. These MS commercials ridiculously get people to say that they are a PC. What? How stupid is that? Would any self-respecting person really want to demean themselves by equating themselves with a piece of hardware.”
Spot. On.
Apple ruthlessly attacked Microsoft by pointing out the flaws in Windows?
Microsoft would do much better spending that money improving Windows.
SteveJack,
Simply brilliant! Even more so than usual, if that’s possible.
Bravo!
“This ad is a huge success. The fact that it has pushed so many Mac fan boy buttons is proof of that! It hit home baby! It hit home!”
This is confirmation that MS is worrying. Why are they targeting the people who takes up only 8% of the pc market?
MS please please do not…aaaaaaaaaaaaaah…you are doing it all WRONG!! WHY!!
ok… i should calm down. but i cant believe MS would do such a …wait a minute yes i can believe it, but still what ad agency comes up with a campain like this.
(wait a minute)
the people at the ad agency all use Macs right.
so they are poking fun at MS and MS doesnt even realise. HA!
Cant wait to see Apple’s subtle response. And by Apple i mean the ad agency that does their ads…
I’m just kind of disappointed not to see more of the Seinfeld stuff. i thought they kind of had something going.
“Are people that insecure?”
yes.
next question?
What Microsoft has failed to comprehend is that Hodgeman represents an actual PC, not a PC user. None of these people are PCs. They may use PCs but they are not PCs. It doesn’t work on that level. But it may get Apple to stop their current ad campaign, which is probably the ultimate goal.
The thing about all this is I suspect the Apple Mac and PC ads are now going to be discontinued. This is sad. I will miss those guys.
“They might get to 20% of the US home notebook sold at retail market. Apple’s never going to get to 20% of the world market ever again.”
so you figure the LHC is still going to destroy the world?
…cause “ever” is a pretty long time, so unless we are offing the entire planet, only a total moron would make a claim like that.
“This ad is a huge success. The fact that it has pushed so many Mac fan boy buttons is proof of that! It hit home baby! It hit home!”
ya know, it is possible that there is a subtle difference between “pushing buttons” and “slowing down as you walk by to look at the train wreck” that you aren’t picking up on…..
I’m a PC and a lemming… because I use the crap that M$ makes simply because I have no clue and everyone else does it.
That’s the message
Sorry derekcurrie, I was simply using hyperbole to emphasize that pcs have always, and will always be more bang for your buck…I am a computer science major, I own my own computer building store, I believe I know a thing or two about computers…Whereas you are probably some kid that chose what seems to be cool and you work (if at all) at starbucks. How does it feel to be stereotyped? As for the macbook pro having such high *possible* specs, in order to get them, that costs over 17k, which doesn’t make much sense…since the parts themselves would cost not even half of that. And anyway the macbook pro is designed to be a server, not a personal use machine. When you know a little something about computers, you may come at me with your rebuttal.
look, the ‘Yawn’ troll is back. Let’s screw with him:”
You appear to be suffering from poster misidentification syndrome. Why do you think there’s only one person in the world who disagrees with you or you have the wits to “screw” with anyone?
derekcurrie, why not try screwing a woman? Lose your virginity, that might settle you down. Granted given your appearance you’ll probably have to pay, but It’ll be good for you.
Also, I enjoy the fact that you sit here insulting windows on a MAC site. Are you not brave enough to stand up for your product in the face of confrontation?
@Someone who knows about computers
(but obviously doesn’t),
Said, “…the macbook pro is designed to be a server, not a personal use machine.”
Okay, so you’re 8 years old, or developmentally challenged.
Well, nothing wrong with that, and it explains your posts.
At least now I won’t continue to try to deduce the logic of what you write, and instead I will skip your posts altogether.
All I can say is a big, fat, ‘Huh?’
Is it just me? I just don’t get what the point of these ads are…other tan totally making no point at all!
someone who knows about computers is funny and knowledgeable.
I would like read more and more about his thoughts on Macs and their users.
Missy, explain to me why I must be 8 or challenged…your post did neither…you quoted my fact and decided not to address it. Please post with a point, so your fellow fan boys don’t think less of you.
Assuming that you are questioning my knowledge, and assuming you believe the macbook pro with such specs is designed to be a personal use machine, allow me to let me know why you are mistaken. With the fact that it may have up to 32gb of RAM, there is never a need for one person to require 32gb RAM, nobody would ever use that much unless purposely stress testing their computer. Also 4tb of memory is meant for servers (for a ridiculous price in this case)…Majority of people have not even accessed 1 terabyte of information, let alone 4.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Um. Hello, “Someone who knows about computers“
You’ve repeatedly said, “macbook pro” is not a personal use machine and “the macbook pro is designed to be a server”.
I suppose I could use my portable laptop, the MacBook Pro as a server. (http://www.apple.com/macbookpro/)
On the other hand, a Mac Pro would make more sense. (http://www.apple.com/macpro/)
“I believe I know a thing or two about computers”
I’ll go with two. And thanks for playing! Drive safely!
(Lesson: Be careful with those insults. Re: “Whereas you are probably some kid that chose what seems to be cool and you work (if at all) at starbucks.”
(“When you know a little something about computers, you may come at me with your rebuttal.” Done! But only a little.)
Someone who knows about computers said:
“And anyway the macbook pro is designed to be a server, not a personal use machine. When you know a little something about computers, you may come at me with your rebuttal.”
wow. just wow. that is truly incredible……
“With the fact that it may have up to 32gb of RAM, there is never a need for one person to require 32gb RAM, nobody would ever use that much unless purposely stress testing their computer. Also 4tb of memory is meant for servers”
ummm, the amount of plain old wrong in that statement is overwhelming!
first, it doesn’t support 32 gigs. i wish it did, because your second ass-umption is also wrong, and it is entirely possible under a unix system to use any amount of ram, because unlike windows unix uses ram intelligently.
and for knowing so much about computers, you seem unclear on the difference between memory and drive space.
i believe Missy is in fact wrong. you are not 8 or challenged. you are 8 AND challenged.
now go away, or we shall taunt you again a second time.
PS, you are confusing the mac pro with the macbook pro. but you know something about computers, so i am sure you can spot the difference between them. (hint, one has hinges and opens up! oh shiny!)
Bless their hearts – so close.
Again, to critique some Cinema/Media/Advertising Subliminal Psychology
Power of Story Telling, and all that …
These 3 Ads do ‘work’ and work great, until the end.
All 3 of them. The very end, the tag on each of them.
Will be the death of this campaign – hope Microsoft doesn’t figure this out.
One ends with fish – us being one or something, either way is smelly.
This is my office – yep, the place we all love, Work
Have a problem with that – Hey Man, sorry, just waitin’ on Show to start
Like the Hanna Montanas of America will not want creepy ol’ geezers like Bill and Jerry hanging around, clipping toenails, and bringing Dad’s PC into their bedroom.
No one wants to keep memories of an experience, service, product – you name it – that goes with smelly fish, working at the office, or a guy who wants to rip off their head.
If we do, won’t be positive.
Hey Microsoft – what a way to leave ’em laughing – nice job.
Thanks
BC Kelly
Tallahassee Fla
p.s.
Now I’m off to participate in a Work of Art disguised as an advertisement – The Genius Film
Experienced through that Creative Vision on our desktop we call Apple