Incensed over the $17,000 Apple Watch Edition? You must be poor

11 years ago

Dear Great Unwashed,

The top-of-the-line Apple Watch Edition, in gorgeous 18-karat gold, rose or yellow, that Apple’s brilliant metallurgists have developed to be up to twice as hard as standard gold, with an stunning display protected by polished sapphire crystal and your choice of Modern Buckle band in either Bright Red or Rose Gray costs $17,000.00.

There was and there continues to be much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments on the Web over that price from people who are, to be blunt, too poor to afford such an exquisite timepiece. If you’re among the whining rabble, please stop! It’s unbecoming. Aren’t you embarrassed? In place of your so-called outrage, you might as well just type, “Hey, look at me! I’m too poor to afford such a watch.” Here’s a fact: If you’re outraged, you’re not in the Apple Watch Edition’s target market. You’re not even in the target’s market’s area code. And, very, very likely, you’re a disgruntled Android settler who can now finally see the writing on the wall. You need to shut up and accept your standing among the proles while you work to get into the Apple Watch Edition target market. Either way, Apple makes Apple Watches for you, too, and they start at only $349!

The Piaget Gouverneur watch retails for $51,500. Just looking at it in person will take your breath away. I’m serious. You’ll gasp for air. The Piaget Altiplano cufflinks that nicely complement the Gouverneur cost a mere $4,400. Yes, they’re quite stunning, too. So, where are the maudlin tweets of indignance directed at Piaget for not offering the hoi polloi an aluminum option with a rubber strap for a mere $349? I searched Twitter: Not a single tweet.

Most of those who will buy Apple Watch Edition units will barely glance at the price, if they even bother. That $17,000 might as well be 17-cents to them. These are monied people and, guess what, there are many, many, many of them around the world.

Apple is brilliant. These gorgeous 18-karat gold Apple Watch Editions will begin showing up on the wrists of celebrities, famous athletes, and captains of industry very soon. And they will influence the rest of the world to lust after Apple Watch, too. And, here’s more Apple brilliance, unlike a $51,500 Piaget watch, your average Joe and Jane Riffraff will actually be able to partake in the same exact user experience with the Apple Watch and Apple Watch Sport. Okay, so you put up with the aluminum or the stainless. Is that so bad? Listen, rabble, the point is that this thing is going to catch fire!

So, cut your undignified grousing. Stop worrying about the Apple Watch Edition that you oh-so-obviously can’t afford, upgrade that fragmandroid POS to a real iPhone, and start picking out the Apple Watch that you can afford because you’re not going to want to miss this. You’re going to want to be a part of this because this is going to be big! Very, very big!

Sincerely,

SteveJack (future Apple Watch Sport owner and damn proud of it!)

SteveJack is a long-time Macintosh user, former web designer, multimedia producer and a regular contributor to the MacDailyNews Opinion section who also basically called the iPhone over five years before Steve Jobs unveiled it.