Apple promises to fix Maps glitches by rearranging earth’s geography (with video)

“Apple is working hard to move streets, buildings, and natural features of the Earth itself to be consistent with their heavily criticized Maps software,” Nina Shankar reports for The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.

“Company executive say they’ve already stated renaming streets, switching the locations of buildings, and destroying some landmarks altogether to be consistent with the heavily-criticized Apple Maps feature,” Shankar reports. “CEO Tim Cook maintains that Apple’s innovation marches forward, quote, “Apple is committed to providing the best user experience possible… which is why we are working to dismantle the Brooklyn Bridge and put London in Canada.”

Direct link to video here.

MacDailyNews Take: Well, fine, but WTF is taking so long, Apple?!

MacDailyNews Take: Nowadays, especially, perception is everything:

No matter what Apple does, no matter how much better they make Apple Maps, it will now always “suck” in the minds of a large segment of the population… The fool(s) responsible for preparing Maps for release and then releasing it with obvious issues (overblown as they are) and therefore tainting Maps forever should face severe consequences. As in: Pink slip(s)… Apple seems to have learned nothing from the Newton: First impressions mean everything. Apple’s Maps have been Newtonized. All that’s missing is the Doonesbury strip.MacDailyNews Take, September 28, 2012

Thanks to The Onion, we’ve got our “Doonesbury strip” now.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews readers too numerous to mention individually for the heads up.]


    1. MDN’s Take is not the problem.

      The problem is that what MDN so accurately predicted would happen in their September Take, has come to pass, as usual.

      MDN didn’t produce “The Onion” video or any of the other Maps jokes/critiques/FUD, it merely foretold them.

  1. In the age of the Internet, when anyone can publish drivel, some hysterical voices are bound to drown out the voices of the more sane. The onion story is just another case of someone trying to make money in a world where nonsense sells. MDN is equally to blame for this ridiculous perception being thrust upon those of us who know from first-hand experience that it’s all just a naked emperor.

      1. Some would say that CHICKEN LITTLE was just the messenger claiming that the sky was falling. However, most would understand that the sky was NOT falling and the message was completely off base.

        The sky is not falling with Apple Maps. I use it every day and love turn-by-turn navigation. Of course there are problems with it (haven’t seen any myself, but understand that many others have), but the truth lies somewhere between MDN’s take and praise.

        I tend to disagree with MDN’s take that people will ALWAYS think that it “sucks”… I follow the mantra that most people live under the thought of “What have you done for me lately?”. Apple has plenty of opportunities to set this straight… they just need to do so ASAP.

    1. Chuck,
      Sounds great.

      We hear that you have started the way by publicly sharing EVERYTHING with Google, including Bank accounts, passwords, and even pictures of your used under ware.

      Google will appreciate this. Especially the credit card numbers as they have decided to bypass the middle advertising people and just take your money directly. It saves them the need to make good updates to Android (hey, no one was using them anyway.)

      Just a /s thought.

    2. Other journalists looked at Google Maps, and it had plenty of flaws despite more time to get it right.

      Maps needs improvement, but shouldn’t be blamed for producing different results than Google Maps, when Google Maps got it wrong.

      1. It’s all in how the transition was painted. GMaps was not marketed as a replacement for Mapquest or whatever else was top dog at the time, but an alternative.

        By virtue of the very public spat against Google, which has no shortage of fans, Apple (which has no shortage of enemies) invited very close scrutiny and comparisons between old and new maps apps. That it got a number of high-profile things wrong didn’t help… I don’t care whether it’s the fault of Apple, Tomtom, whatever… when Apple’s Maps couldn’t even properly locate some of its own retail stores at iOS6 launch, it’s hard NOT to give some grief to a company that’s perceived as paying attention to details.

    3. Good idea, Chuck; I can call you Chuck, right?
      Ok, so you would prefer that I use a mapping system that not only cannot offer voice guided turn-by-turn navigation, but also cannot recognise a clear and unambiguous British postal address, in preference to a mapping system that not only offers turn-by-turn voice guidance, but also happily dropped a pin right outside the address that I had selected in my Contacts.
      Do I have that right? You would prefer I use the former over the latter?
      Ok, in that case, in future I’ll call you Jack Ass, instead of Chuck, if that’s alright with you?
      Actually, I couldn’t give a shit whether you like it or not, jackass you are.

  2. LMAO! I think it is a funny take on a touchy problem that only relieves tension. Love Apple and love the video. Especially the twist to the knife to Google at the end.

    1. This has been my experience as well. It’s replaced my old Magellan GPS as it’s much, much, easier to set up, less strident on the ears, and has never failed to deliver me. Granted, this is in the good ole US o’A.

  3. This is easy to fix. Just let the map users correct the locations for a week. (Any error or manipulation will void all changes made by that user.) Huge PR move where the disappointed users get to fix the map with their corrections. Could even run a contest for the users with the greatest numbers of corrections / revisions in each county and state.

    This process could be used to map 3rd world countries that are poorly mapped and lack usable building locations.

    “Think Different”

    1. Have tried doing exactly that, but if Apple’s updating any database at all, it take a verrrrrrry long time to do so. For example, our entire school district isn’t found. Even if I enter the full street address of a particular campus (including the ZIP code), I’m directed to a location 262 miles away.
      The error was reported 3 months ago, but as of today, no changes have been made.

  4. Fix or correct a map…automatically get entered into an Apple sweepstakes Apple product giveaway…have to enter your basic info, which would in itself be a boon for their database desires.
    Promotes and only helps Apple…would get media attention.

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