Microsoft destroys beloved Star Wars franchise’s last shred of dignity

“The Special Editions couldn’t do it. The Ewoks coudn’t do it,” Mike Schuster reports for Minyanville. “And while he may have come close, even Jar Jar couldn’t do it. But with LucasArts’ latest game for the Xbox 360, the beloved franchise spanning 35 years has finally been stripped of its last shred of dignity.”

“Employing Kinect’s motion-capture controller, Kinect Star Wars allows players to use their whole body to control characters within a land far, far away,” Schuster reports. “Whether it’s wielding a lightsaber or piloting an X-Wing, the Xbox game is the closest Star Wars fans have to living within George Lucas’ imaginative universe.”

Schuster reports. “And apparently, that includes dance-offs. Yes, along with Jedi training and podracing, players control Han Solo and Princess Leia in a dance competition that’s even more absurd than basing an entire prequel around galactic trade disputes. And rather than spinning boring old hits, DJ Lobot — yeah, Cloud City’s got some turntables — plays songs with a Star Wars twist, like ‘I’m Han Solo’ to the tune of Jason Derulo’s ‘Ridin’ Solo’ and ‘Hologram Girl’ based on Gwen Stefani’s ‘Hollaback Girl.’ Incidentally, you haven’t lived until you hear Slave Leia coo ‘Oooh, that’s my ship, that’s my ship.'”

Read more, and see the screenshots, in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: Don’t blame Microsoft. They never had any taste. Blame Lucas, who lost his a long time ago…

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “JayinDC” for the heads up.]

31 Comments

    1. mitachlorian count was truly one of the dumbest ideas in the newer trilogy. Even worse as a concept than Jar Jar. Thankfully it only took up a few minutes of time. It turned the force from some sort of spiritual and mystic force into some sort of dumb biological phenomenon.

    2. Ballmers force is strong. His GRAVITY force….
      Chairs are hurling around him where ever he goes.
      But his antiperspirant spray’s forces are really weak.

  1. “Yes, along with Jedi training and podracing, players control Han Solo and Princess Leia in a dance competition that’s even more absurd than basing an entire prequel around galactic trade disputes. And rather than spinning boring old hits, DJ Lobot — yeah, Cloud City’s got some turntables — plays songs with a Star Wars twist, like “I’m Han Solo” to the tune of Jason Derulo’s “Ridin’ Solo” and “Hologram Girl” based on Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl.” Incidentally, you haven’t lived until you hear Slave Leia coo “Oooh, that’s my ship, that’s my ship.””

    Un-freaking-believable.

  2. Here are some of the most awesomest catchy lyrics to help you along, of course (via Kottke):

    I’m feeling like a star,
    you can’t stop my shine
    I’m loving Cloud City,
    my head’s in the sky

    I’m solo, I’m Han Solo,
    I’m Han Solo.
    I’m Han Solo. Solo.

    Yeah, I’m feeling good tonight,
    Finally feeling free and it feels so right, oh.
    Time to do the things I like,
    Gonna see a Princess, everything’s all right, oh.

    No Jabba to answer to,
    Ain’t a fixture in the palace zoo, no.
    And since that carbonite’s off me
    I’m livin’ life now that I’m free, yeah.


    As one YouTube commenter noted:

    “I just felt the death of Star Wars. It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.”

  3. I’m actually overjoyed. My 9-year-old son is a huge Star Wars fan, and although he isn’t a Jar Jar fan of any stretch he was born too late to be a purist fan like his dad (I try not to be too preachy).

    So I’m excited because I get to witness his first, “WTF?!” moment.

    1. Yes, for your son it should be great fun, ages 9 – 12 I would think. As for you – I am sure your son will enjoy dad running around the room pretending to fly the x wing. Maybe then its a WFT moment for him – enjoy. Its a game — so wtf – have fun. Best let the wife video tape you and post it for all to see – share the laugh.

  4. Thats it… full grown men running about with arms spread out wide navigating virtual x-wing planes – ha ha. Anyone to buy this and play with it on their X-box just isn’t a serious gamer.

    1. Han shot first in the first shot, then Lucas reshot the shot and now Greedo shot the first shot. In the second shot after Han shot first in the first shot.

      Glad we cleared this up!

  5. When I heard of the game being announced, I was interested.
    When I saw the first video of it, I was still interested.
    When I saw the first official commercial, I started losing interest.
    When I read this…. I’m glad I didn’t follow the games development.

    And very glad I didn’t buy it…

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