10 things Apple needs to do in 2009

“Like the rest of the business world, Apple is embarking on treacherous times in 2009. But Apple faces special challenges: It sells boutique products that cost more than the competition,” Mitch Wagner writes for InformationWeek. “However, Apple also has special strengths: Those same products cost more because they’re better, and Apple has a fiercely loyal customer base.”

Wagner writes, “To help Apple successfully navigate the turbulent financial waters, here are 10 pieces of advice on what the company needs to do with its operating system, iPhone, App Store, hardware, marketing, and more.”

1. Build A Moat Around Apple Headquarters, Fill It With Crocodiles
2. Give Users Something Shiny In Snow Leopard
3. Add Basic Features To The iPhone
4. Come Out With A Netbook
5. Establish A Clear Path Of Succession
6. Develop Low-power, High-performance Processors For Portable Devices
7. Clarify Policies In The App Store
8. Improve Enterprise Support
9. Continue The Fight Against DRM
10. Stay Classy, Apple

Full article, a somewhat mixed bag (we do not agree with #1 at all, for example), but of interest nonetheless, here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Readers too numerous to mention for the heads up.]

40 Comments

  1. #1 is a really good idea except that crocodiles are all wrong for Apple’s image. Maybe wild snow leopards.

    The trouble with crocodiles is that they always escape from your moat and breed in the sewers, yielding foul-smelling hordes of slavering killers climbing out of people’s lavatories in the night. Trust me people, when that happens, it’s a public-relations nightmare.

    Snow leopards, on the other hand, will try to escape but they always come back for the raw rack of gazelle ribs.

    Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, don’t these journalists do their homework?

  2. The snow leopards would roam in a grassy area in front of a tall fence around Apple HQ, but there would be no fence between the snow leopards and the street. The snow leopards would would not leave the grassy area … because Steve Job told them not to.!

  3. @nekogami13

    Many moats are now dry in the UK for health and safety, not to mention budgeting for their care, reasons. Thus, one of these would be ideal.

    @Sum Jung Gal

    Crocodiles do not enter sewers. The idea that they do goes back to a minor and unverified news article in the New York Times – in the early 20th century – concerning a group of boys who had battered a crocodile to death in NYC. It had been dragged out of an inversely flooded storm conduit, and thus had no relation to normal sewerage systems. It seems that the crocodile escaped from a ship containing exports of crocodiles for zoos in Europe. The issue with crocodiles is that they also enter wet grassland. Think a rainstorm and crowded streets… you get the idea. They get confused and go for lunch.

  4. There’s one additional thing that Apple needs to do for it’s iPhone clients… DUMP AT&T;ASAP!

    I JUST SPENT 3 HOURS TRYING TO FIND OUT WHY AT&T;WOULD PRE-APPROVE ME FOR AN ACCOUNT, ALLOW ME TO ORDER A iPHONE SPECIAL, i.e. a 16 GB rehab model, CONFIRM THE ORDER AND THEN 10 DAYS LATER WHEN I CALL TO ASK WHERE MY IPHONE WAS TO BE THAT THE “SYSTEM” HAD KILLED THE ORDER AND O’YES, THE SPECIAL IS LONG GONE!

    AT PRESENT I Spend something in the area of $200.00 for ATT-UVERS services, i.e cable, internet and land line phones for two Mac computers…AT PRESENT THAT MONTHLY INCOME IS IN REAL DIRE STRAITS SERVICES, I.E. CABLE, INTERNET AND PHONE FOR TWO COMPUTERS…

    THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO VENT A BIT!

    DO NOT BE FOOLED THE SO CALLED ATT STILL HAS A LOT OF SMC BS IN IT’S MAKEUP!

  5. If I had the money, I know I’d build a moat and fill It with crocodiles. I think it’s a great idea! ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”grin” style=”border:0;” />

    P.S. – on an unrelated note, can I borrow one of Steve Ballmer’s socks for… something.

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