Microsoft ‘delays’ their ‘Big Ass Table’

Microsoft “is finding the task of bringing the [Surface] tabletop computer to market a little rougher than it anticipated,” Ina Fried reports for CNET News.

“The software maker’s initial plan was to get partners with the touch-screen machines up and running as early as this month. Now it estimates it will take until spring before the devices start showing up in locations like Sheraton hotels, Harrah’s casinos, and T-Mobile retail locations,” Fried reports. “Part of the holdup has been in developing the custom software each of those partners needs, as well as making sure the hardware is suited to their locations.”

“The product, originally code-named Milan, looks a bit like a 1980s sit-down Ms. Pac Man machine, but uses infrared cameras and a projector to create a touch-screen that can respond to multiple users’ hand gestures, as well as interact with other objects,” Fried reports.

Microsoft’s Big Ass Table:

Direct link via YouTube here.

Fried continues, “In a recent interview with CNET News.com, Bill Gates spoke about the potential of surface computing to go far beyond the tabletop, once the costs come down. The initial units are expected to cost in the range of $5,000 to $10,000, but the company still hopes they will fall to a price affordable to consumers within three to five years… ‘It can be in every desk,’ Gates said. ‘It can be in every table, it can be in every whiteboard, every mirror. Give us a 5- to 10-year time frame and we will wonder why our tables used to just sit there and not do anything for us.'”

Full article here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “MacVicta” for the heads up.]

Does Gates – who obviously lost his mind years ago (if he ever really had one at all) – expect us all to collectively forget that tables have been providing places upon which to eat, work, worship, etc. for thousands of years?

While he’s working diligently to, uh, “redefine the table,” plus figuring out how to pack that jumble of cameras and junk into a friggin mirror (which, we must admit, would be just perfect for Blue Man Group), Apple will have lapped his sorry, visionless assemblage of wasted talent up in Redmond many more times over.

Just check into that Vegas hotel, Mr. Mediocrity, get to work growing those fingernails, and give us all a break finally.

Microsoft’s Surface was never going to be available as they promised. It is nothing more than a Rube Goldberg concoction that attempts to divert the attention of the gullible by shouting “Hey, look over here, ignore that Apple multi-touch stuff! No, really, look: it’s a $10,000 Big Hairy Ass Table!” Microsoft’s Surface video is a mock up – the thing doesn’t even do half of what’s shown. In fact, it does nothing, as it’s still vapor.

Meanwhile, Apple’s been selling affordable multi-touch technology that fits in your pocket (not sits in the corner of Pizza Hut) by the millions since early summer.

Every time there’s iPhone news (see Germany and the UK today), Microsoft trots out some “news” about their Big Ass Table (good or bad, it doesn’t matter) to try to suck some oxygen away from whatever Apple’s doing with real products. It’s the same sad, empty tactic as talking about “the next version of Windows” every time Apple releases a new Mac OS version while Microsoft’s sufferers remain stuck clinging to an aged, 6+ year old, upside-down and backwards fake Mac OS because their latest bad fake of a past Apple Mac OS is a laughable mess. About the only thing Microsoft does well is produce an endless litany of empty promises designed to keep their sheep in the pen.

Look at iPhone vs. Surface today: a better illustration of how far Apple’s ahead of Microsoft would be hard to find.

105 Comments

  1. Damn thing better have 3-D Galaxian for ten big ones.

    Uncle Fester and Turtle Boy have to pretend to shareholders that they are innovating. Most of their R & D budget is actually spent on sophisticated spying equipment that’s aimed 855 miles due south of Redmond.

  2. MDN – well put dudes!!!!

    Besides… I love to PLUG my TABLE in to the wall.
    That’s quite a concept there.
    Someone’s gonna TRIP on the wires, fall and brake the table.
    10 Grand down the toilet.

    Oh gee, lets go to the dinning room kids to watch some videos on the TABLE.

    Cool… EastSide Marios… I can wait 4 my meal…
    wipe my hands all over the freaking table and place an order while my son doodles and my daughter browses the net.
    All on a freaking MSN digital Table.
    Weee what a cool night out.

    dd

  3. Give some legs to the iPhone and you’ll have a better table… just kidding, but more seriously, by the time MS get that table ready, people will be playing with their Mac Touch (the iPod Touch of productivity)…

  4. Definately and excellent demonstration video.

    Hope it all works.

    But then there’s going to be law suits out there…
    Multi-touch was a technology Apple purchased the rights to for input and functionablity.

    MS didn’t think of to do that did they… patent the way people interact with the Multi-touch system.

    hahahahah even though Apple didn’t invent Muti-Touch.

    They thought about capturing it as theirs.

  5. I don’t know about anyone else, but I really don’t spend a lot of time sitting around a coffee table. Hell, I don’t actually have a coffee table. I mean, who would actually rather use one of those to browse the web instead of a proper computer on a desk with a comfortable chair, where you aren’t leaning forwards to try and read and access something that’s flat? Or a laptop which you can adjust until you can see the screen easily? Or an iPhone you can hold in the palm of your hand and adjust until you can see it easily, and requires a fraction of the motion to use (small finger movement as opposed to large arm movement).

    I can see this being a very niche item in large institutions, but even if the price somehow came down a bunch, I can’t see it ever being cheaper than a big screen TV or a laptop or something.

    MDN MW: “Job”, as in “Microsoft’s job these days in the tech world is to give an example of what not to do”

  6. If you can’t reinvent the wheel, try reinventing the table!

    Seriously, because a table should be a table.

    “Give us a 5- to 10-year time frame and we will wonder why our windshields used to just be clear glass rather than interactive video screens.'”

  7. Hallelujah.

    Microsoft’s “vision” now seems to be, “well, if it would be cool in a sci-fi movie, it’ll be cool in real life.”

    Jetpacks are possible. Flying cars are possible. Video wrist watches are possible. Segways are possible.

    No one really wants them, though.

  8. someone is circleing the drain…Delayed? Please this is Microsoft. They don’t delay, they shift the date and slash features. This is how corporate works. it’s simple math. They are going to find out that anyhting they try to do outside of selling the same shit they have been pedaling for years to the same people is not going to work. They just suck. I’m not sure what else to say about that…

  9. Whenever I read about Surfaces, I just laugh and laugh and laugh. Microsoft just doesn’t get it. Their ideas are dumber and dumber all the time and it’s painful to watch them try to catch up to Apple. I guess they’re not half as innovative when they can’t steal their ideas.

  10. MS is also working on an interactive bidet. It reacts to voice commands, squirts fruity scents up you and downloads automagically.
    In early beta tests however, several volunteers were unexpectedly injured or affected by the device. One possibly got pregnant from the nozzle, two are having uncontrollable butt spasms and three volunteers are in a coma. They just shut down for no reason.

  11. Again Microshaft misses the point. What they are TRYING to do but failing is implementing multi-touch in a way that is natural and enhansing the normal day-to-day stuff. I think Apple has made a great step foward by not over doing the multi touch. Just putting it where it makes sense.

    Has anyone seen the work the Jeff Hahn has done. Type his name on You Tube and see what I mean. Now THAT is where I feel multi touch should and will be going.

    You can also search for his presentation at the TED talks at
    ted.com

  12. I can see this being a very niche item in large institutions

    IOW, it’d be perfect for MS.

    With any product, there’s always the danger you’ll build it for a market of one: yourself. MS fell wholesale into this trap years ago; they just got lucky with Office.

  13. Doesn’t anyone find MS’s magic table… depressing??

    Seriously. It’s like you WANT to touch and handle the photos, documents, etc. on the table, but you CAN’T. They’re trapped inside, and you’re limited faking it with silly hand gestures. MIMES might have fun with this, but the rest of us…??

    Forget the digital hocus-pocus. Some things are better the old way. ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”smile” style=”border:0;” />

  14. MDN: you blew this one – you totally missed it! By having this announcement, they are able to corner the market on touch-tables. Now, all the people that have been waiting patiently and anxiously to purchase one will now hold off to wait for the latest and greatest one from MS. Pure genius on their part, fantastic marketing! Now, all of those who were going to buy a table that let’s people touch it to do…well…something, I’m sure – well, now they will wait. What’s 5 or 10 years – just don’t put anything in the room until the table arives!

    MW= ‘simply’ – as in; simply BS from MS!

  15. @ old school

    The problem for me isn’t that they’re “trapped inside”. The problem is the “inside” being boat-anchored to a big-ass table. Give me that interface on something I can put in my purse and I’ll be interested.
    I’d love nothing more that to be able to review and edit photos in the way that Surface does, but my photos aren’t likely to be stored at some hotel bar (maybe on the hotel pay-per-view…). And, I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to take the fashion risk that putting that goofy thing in my living room would cause. I don’t want it in my living room. Or in a hotel. I want it in the hammock in the back yard, or at the beach, or, say at the location I’m taking the pictures.

    There is one simple reason that MS is going the Big Ass Table route – because Apple has all the touch-screen patents lined up, so MS has to use IR. And you can’t make IR that small (well, maybe someone aside from MS could…).

  16. Damn! Why are you people so obsessed with Gates + Balmer + Microsoft! Why don’t you just feel happy about Mac + Ipod + Iphone? Why the need to put other companies + people down?
    That’s kind of thinking stinks, feels like inferiority complex.
    I for one look forward to trying one of these “Big Ass Tables”, as MDN chooses to describe them…

  17. “Just check into a Vegas hotel, Mr. Mediocrity, get to work growing those fingernails, and finally give us all a break.” How can you not love this site with awesome humor like this. Unless you are PcGuy and Daddy. Poor, pathetic little creatures.

  18. Unless that table can fit in my pocket, I know I’m not buying one. It’s like the family gathering around and watching the radio.

    But, keeping an open mind, it may be the new dining table after all. We can watch the news beneath the bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats. Honeypots chairs will make sure we never need to get up.

  19. @MK
    How accurate is that 855 miles?

    @ Pc Guy
    Put down? Geez Mac users just call a spade a spade..and not a shovel… I think of the idea of that table as a feng shui nightmare…
    and a good laugh… as with the perpetual motion machine advocates.
    A silly idea is a silly idea… i would guess the bill gates brain cells burned out at an early age… everyones genetics are different… good thing He made is money early on…. lol

  20. <B>ChrissyOne: <B>“The problem is the ‘inside’ being boat-anchored to a big-ass table. Give me that interface on something I can put in my purse and I’ll be interested.”

    Actually, you’re a bit off.

    One of the concepts of the table is that it gets it’s data from devices placed on/near the table. So you have your digital camera sitting in your purse on the table and you can display photos from your camera to other people sitting at the table.

    So, no, your photos aren’t stuck in the table.

    I’d also remark that not everything useful can be done on a device that fits in your purse. One of the ‘digital hub’ concepts is that it’s a heck of a lot easier to build playlists with iTunes on your Mac or PC with a 14″ screen than it is to try to build them on your iPod with a, say, 2.5″ screen. For example, I could use the tabletop “display” to edit my photos. I probably couldn’t use a device that would fit in your purse to do the same.

    Personally, I think it’s kind of slick. But I don’t think it’ll ever actually work or that I’ll actually ever be able to buy one. Neat idea, though.

  21. Learn the difference between touch-screen & surface. They are very different technologies. I like macdailynews despite the bias, but this article is way out of line. I have both the iPhone and a Microsoft Sprint Mogul, a touch-screen phones which works very well. The advantages for Apple are much better hardware (bigger screen & faster cpu) and a better browser. If the Spring Mogul had a faster cpu & Apple home screen, I’d say it’s the better phone due to a great hardware keyboard and apps like the new Live Search with voice recognition which is way better than Google maps. Also the Mogul has a better camera. The iPhone two finger zoom is cool, but harder to use for both me & friends that’ve used both than the in/out arrows on the Microsoft apps. In summary, I like both & am glad they seem to be learning from each other (MS adds more finger touch vs stylus & Apple adds 3rd party apps).

    I haven’t seen anything from Apple like Surface (please don’t tell me the iPhone is comparable in functionality before researching all of Surface’s capabilities). I agree that the Surface is clunky looking and easy to make fun of, but don’t compare iPhone to Surface like Apple’s got Surface capabilities in a pocket format.

  22. “It’s CGI:Miami.”

    That was my suspicion, however, they called it ‘surface’ on the show, and most of the blogging being done about it clearly desribes it as a microsoft product. Now, I honestly don’t think the shills at microsoft are capable of pulling off a viral product placement like that, so something is up that smells fishy.

  23. “MDN loses credibility when it shows unprofessional photos of Bill Gates. You’re getting personal, MDN. Grow up.”

    ApplePi, I agree. Not just the photos, but the attacks on the person are over the edge. Go after MS as an entity with some comments about the two at the top, but not verbiage that goes over the edge about the person. Gates is far better a person than many, many people out in the world today and has certainly done some good work personally.

    As for the Surface, I think it will be mute since well before Gates’ 5 to 10 year timeframe, Apple will have something up and running (if it wants). Apple could doubtless do it within a couple of years since the iPhone’s patents already give it a good start. Anyway, what’s a touchy computer table but a big iPhone with third party aps anyway.

  24. Hello Microsoft?

    My table has a virus!

    What is this DRM on my table?

    Why does my table have a huge cable (and probably brick) running out of it?

    Can you imagine Vista on this thing? Always having to tap the table to confirm this and authorize that. Plus, you can’t drag your table down to Starbucks…

  25. @jj
    M$ is franticly finishing anti-grav… so as one can trail the table with yourself whilst doing the town… just think… your own posse…
    Truly a M$ way of out-of-the-box thinking… AND… you have the time ‘cuz you’re out on disability… Tunnel carpel syndrome from clicking all the friggin’ DRM authorizing boxes… such a two’fer–
    free-time and a posse… the m$ way.

  26. Bill Gates is a good person because of his philanthropy?

    Come on, Blackbeard the Pirate gave lavishly to every downtrodden whore he ever came across.

    They both got their money the same way. At least Blackbeard got laid every now and again.

  27. @ Peter

    Yeah, it seems you don’t actually know how Surface works. The *idea* is that you sit things on it and it reads what they are and what they contain. But that’s not how it *actually* works. In reality, it uses bar-codes that you stick on to your items, and the IR reads the bar codes. If you peel the bar code off a Zune and stick it to a glass of Bailey’s, then Surface will cheerfully show you all the songs contained in your drink.

    I know what your getting at, and that’s why I originally thought Surface was kind of cool. But it doesn’t quite work like it should.

    Anyway, I don’t give a rip if it knows what my iPhone is, it’s the interface I’m interested in. For editing photos it would be wonderful, but not in that giant form factor.

  28. Bill Gates: “Give us a 5- to 10-year time frame and we will wonder why our tables used to just sit there and not do anything for us.”

    This rates as one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

    That statement could have come straight out of Homer Simpson’s mouth!

  29. @Peter/@Not bloated with kool-aid

    MS’s big-assed table reminds me of how we used to do the washing. You put your hand in the water, mashed the clothes in the water…you get it…lots of hand movement and backbreaking work. Then washing machines were invented. You put your load in, set the wash and spin cycle; 30 minutes later, it’s all done.

    If you want to display the photographic contents of your iPod Touch, all you have to do is attach a video-out cable to a 42″ plasma screen. Scroll through the photos with your fingers…and you’re done.

    We don’t need no big-assed table regression. If MS released this piece of junk in Asia, all they’d get for their troubles is a smack in the head & being told to go home.

  30. On a lighter note…I just thought of something.

    What if Surface was tiltable (not a word, you you get the idea)? It could be the next generation TV/Home/Media interface platform.

    If it only operates horizontally, it’s a fancy table with poor ergonomics, as it forces you to awkwardly lean forward. At an angle, it’s a more natural interface for IO, editing, reading, and typing. Fully vertical, it’s a TV.

  31. Why all that hate? After all, if it doesn’t work that well (and the infrared cams are broken), one can still use it as a table!
    Sounds smart: ” Hey buds, i just got this few thousand of bucks (bugs) table! Let’s have a drink!”

    lol Really, this consumer based world can take some terribly pathetic shapes!…

  32. On thing about this table, and yes I have seen the demonstrations of what it can play, but can it record? I could see the advantages of a table that records and playsback. People could watch themselves getting f**ked, or you could look down at the table dancer and be looking up.

  33. Bill Gates: “Give us a 5- to 10-year time frame and we will wonder why our tables used to just sit there and not do anything for us.”

    IOW even Gates is admitting it’s gonna take MS another 5-10 years to make the thing functional., which is absolutely pathetic.

    Even the worst automakers can deliver new product within 3-4 years. And that includes the nontrivial job of tooling factories to build the product!

    Sad when a metal-stamping company can outclass a technology giant….

  34. “If Apple made it then you all would be blowing each other to get one”

    No, we wouldn’t, because Apple wouldn’t make one, because it’s a dumbass idea to start with. And even if they did, they wouldn’t show it 5 years before it’s ready and when they did show it, it would actually work.

  35. “Why all that hate? After all, if it doesn’t work that well (and the infrared cams are broken), one can still use it as a table!”

    To paraphrase mitch hedberg…

    When the Surface gets the BSOD, then then it just becomes a table. We are sorry for the convenience.

  36. “MacDailyNews Take: Does Gates – who obviously lost his mind years ago (if he ever really had one at all) – expect us all to collectively forget that tables have been providing places upon which to eat, work, worship, etc. for thousands of years?”

    Woooo Hoooo Great Take MDN. Gates never had any brains, he’s stupid. He created one of the most successful corporations in the history of this planet. But he’s stupid, not smart like Steve Jack, an unemployed bum with an ad laden website…

    Mr. Jack, you may not like Mr. Gates’ OS and company, but he created one of the most successful companies in history. He understands the “science” having written the companies 1st product himself.

    Your childish rants some like something a 10 year would come up with. You’re a bum with a website running a FREE script with 200 ads all over it….

    Who has no brains..

  37. Actually, you don’t get to be the richest guy in the world by being dumb. Made some brilliant moves early on the sunk Apple and Jobs. Unfortunately for him, Steve learnt from his mistakes and came back and took numbers. I have to say, I have a lot less bad things to say about Gates than Ballmer. Gates does give billions to charity and whether you agree with his charities or not, he is doing many great things for women in third-world countries. Ballmer is a monkey. Regardless, it’s great they are working on this tech. Apple can then swing in when people are actually ready to use tech mirrors/tables and develop practical and easy to use applications for us all!

  38. Ya know, some people like to SIT on tables. I can’t help but wonder what would happen if that person accidentally farts. Would you see ripples on the screen synched to the speed of the smell?
    What if someone with a truly fat ass sat on it like maybe Balmer? Oh wait, he could probably write a letter using the stick that’s already in there.
    On the other hand, Hollywood could use it as a prop in a movie and have Angelina Jolie or Scarlet Johannson lie on during a sexy scene.
    “Input…MORE IIINNNNPPUUUTT!”

  39. I think that what Shoeman was actually refering to as Gates ‘first product’ was ‘MS Basic — which Bill copied with Paul Allen, on stolen computer time — and not MSDOS — in which Bill Gates bilked a nasty cloned version of CP/M from Tim Paterson.

    Gates told IBM he had a product under way, he didn’t. Gates told Gary Kildall that he’d never do OSes, which he did. Gates promised Paterson more money, which the court made Gates eventually pay.

    Some men adore Bill Gates as being the most succussful business man to ever live. They admire his ‘philanthropy’.

    Other people see a Bill Gates: who actually knows little about the technology he steals then sells; who gives to the downtrodden with tax deductible medicine — of which he owns the patents; who easily over-charges for shoddy products, because he’s killed competition.

    BTW, tax deductible donations by rich people — means the middle class pay.

    The middle class bought the ‘great’ MS software; which gave MS the power to kill MS’s competition, which gave MS the power to overcharge for their products, which gave Gates the resouces to buy medical patents, which gave Bill the leverage to ‘donate’ medicine to poor countries, which allows Bill to make a deduction of his total payable tax, which is billed to the Feds and collected from…

    The Middle Class!

    Anyway, try this:

    http://www.mackido.com/History/Gates_a_Genius.html

    http://www.mackido.com/History/IBMs_choice.html

    http://www.mackido.com/History/History_DrDos.html

    There’s also links at the bottom of these articles.

  40. …when Bill couldn’t take his eyes off Ethan Allen someone crapped themselves. The last time he stared hard was at Ballmer ..and Ballmer started to dance ..he danced like a madman. It’s said Bill’s been staring at random employees on the Redmond campus ..lots of spontaneous panic attacks there …and a few have awakened in their own jelly ..just like neo. Bill can’t let that happen. Bill can never let that happen and the answer ..well that one is simple ..coffee tables ..and maybe some nice coasters.

  41. >ChrissyOne wrote: I call a lot of people unimaginative assholes…

    Nah. You’re just pretty loose with the insults. Many on this board are like that, unfortunately.

    Oh well… no biggie. Have a nice day just the same.

  42. I think all the negativity stems from this project being showcased too early. It’ll take a while for all of us get used to something this advanced.

    A table that acts like a TV, computer, internet device, audio system, etc… that is controlled via touch, communicates and transfers information without wires and is ubiquitous.

    It sounds like something we see in futuristic movies all the time! Does it not?

    Just try imagining a little harder. I’d like to see a portable version of this, as would many. However, not every piece of useful machinery needs to be completely portable.

    And… Surface doesn’t itself imply that it only operates in a horizontal position.

  43. A table that acts like a TV, computer, internet device, audio system, etc… that is controlled via touch, communicates and transfers information without wires and is ubiquitous.

    A problem looking for a solution, designed by the world’s most inept company and running the world’s worst OS.

    Methinks Gates has spent too much time staring at the ground lately, likely wondering why MS can’t get anything right. Why else would you want to digify something you look down at?

  44. “@ mr fusion
    umm may be you’d better study MS history a little more. The IBM deal was done without ANY product whatsoever. Then they bought QDOS for $50k, renaming it MS-DOS. Gates did nothing but sell vaporware. At least he is consistent. “

    umm maybe you ought to study YOUR MS history a little more Mr. Mindless Fanboy. I said that Gates personally wrote microsoft’s 1st product. That product, little boy, was Microsoft Basic written for the Altair in 1975.

    But of course, as a Mindless Apple fanboy you just choose to believe whatever you wish…

  45. shoeman,

    BASIC for an Altair does not magically change the fact that IBM was sold a renamed DOS that Microsoft did not create, that parts of the antiquated Windows even today still incorporates.

    IBM’s mistake with a weasel plunged the world into The Dark Ages of Personal Computing for two decades and counting.

    Someday, just like us Mac users have always done, the world will look back on the Gates/Microsoft era, shake their heads in disbelief and laugh heartily at how the tech naive were swindled into the exactly wrong product and company.

  46. Hey, am I the only one that thinks that Microsoft’s “Surface” technology has great potential. If they shrink it down to size of an iPhone and put music on it, they may be onto something. –and quit complaining about the $10,000 price. When measured in price per pound, the “surface” is actually cheaper than an iPhone!

  47. > Barrister wrote: Someday, just like us Mac users have always done…the tech naive were swindled into the exactly wrong product and company.

    Wow… how what high opinions you have about yourself.

    Much of the world, through the technologies offered by Microsoft, have done tremendous things like built businesses small and large, conducted scientific research, designed buildings, and even enjoyed a game here and there to ease some stress.

    … and a bunch of whiny keyboard warriors can’t seem to get over a couple of Apple blunders years ago!

  48. “Daddy

    If Apple made it then you all would be blowing each other to get one.”

    If Apple made it, it would be real. And it would work.

    Microsoft’s table is not real, and does not work. But I can understand your frustration.

  49. @Not bloated with kool-aid

    Why do people think it is valid to compare a device that has already sold in the millions to a piece of vaporware? Who cares what Surface might be able to do some day, in a decade or so? The iPhone is here doing it NOW!

    Comparing the features of something that actually exists and something that does not is laughable.

  50. With an appliance as big as a “Surface”, if there was one in every home, what impact would that have on the energy grid? How many watts is this thing gonna gobble?

    I heard something about energy conservation and carbon footprints. What was that about again?

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