“At a highly anticipated media event Tuesday at San Francisco’s Moscone Center, Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs introduced a new Apple product he said would ‘revolutionize’ the process of unveiling new products throughout the world,” The Onion reports.
“‘In 1984, Apple introduced the Mac,’ Jobs said to an overflowing crowd as an image of the first Macintosh computer was displayed on a giant screen behind him. ‘We changed the face of the music industry with the first iPod in 2001. And in January, we showed off the revolutionary new iPhone. Today, Apple is releasing a piece of innovative new technology that will forever change the way innovative new technology is released,'” The Onion reports.
The Onion reports, “The iLaunch, as the new product is called, was then raised up from below the stage, prompting the audience of technology journalists, developers, and self-professed ‘Apple fanatics’ to burst into a five-minute standing ovation.”
“Described in its patent filing as a ‘hype-generating mechanism with fully integrated Mac compatibility,’ the iLaunch is powered by Intel dual-core processors optimized to calculate a product’s gravitas. Apple claims the iLaunch can garner the same amount of press attention as a major scientific discovery, high court ruling, celebrity meltdown, or natural disaster at 200 times the speed of a traditional media-fostered launch,” The Onion reports.
The Onion reports, “‘If you want to condition the public to liken your product to the telephone and the internal combustion engine in importance, that’s now possible with iLaunch,’ Jobs said. ‘And it’s so easy, even an intern can use it.’ …Shortly after Jobs’ address, Microsoft announced that they are working on a similar product, the Launch-O, due to debut in 2009.”
More in the full article here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Readers “Dion,” “Jim,” “Chris,” and many others for the heads up.]
This is a joke obviously.
Yawn.
Funny. And for a brief second, I thought it was a real product announcement.
Actually, the Microsoft product is to be called Live Launch. Launch-O was determined to be too easily confused with Ronco’s Launch-o-matic.
uffff… still March 7th… and I thought it’s April 1st already…..
errrm… wtf? lol
I wonder? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
If you like this type of sarcastic news comedy, you all should subscribe to the podcast “The Onion Radio News.” It’s often hilarious.
Guys, guys, guys — it’s from the ONION. Of course it’s not real! Duhhhhhh.
Anothe funny article from the ONION.
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Best Onion headline ever, under a picture of Jerry Garcia:
Head Deadhead Dead.
-c
STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!
Wiseguy, you figured out that a link from theonion.com was a joke!?
Bravo, oh Master of Observation.
This is fun too:
An online tool published today allows users to instantly generate fictitious disease names and descriptions based on terminology commonly used in describing psychiatric or behavioral disorders. The “Disease Mongering Engine” is available at http://www.NewsTarget.com/Disease-Mongering-Engine.asp and randomly generates diseases, disorders and syndromes that sound real, but aren’t.
The engine, created by author and natural health guru Mike Adams, is intended as a parody of conventional medicine and the over-diagnosis of Americans with fictitious diseases. “Drug companies actually invent fictitious diseases, then profit by selling drugs to treat those fictitious conditions,” Adams explained. By using an online software engine to generate disease names and descriptions that seem real, Adams hopes to demonstrate that just because a disease name sounds real doesn’t mean it is.
http://www.newstarget.com/021673.html
ChrissyOne no, the best Onion caption ever was the one under a picture of St. Louis Rams quarterback Kurt Warner’s wife that read, “Kurt Warner cheered on by wire-haired hobgoblin.”
Hey, there are some of us here that are not aware of onion.com. It took me a moment or two to figure out that this was a fake. Especially since MDN did not say anything about it.
N.
norm e.
You’ve just taken your first step into a larger world.
LOL at everyone who thinks this is real.
Obviously, Mdn thought it was real when they posted it or they would have had comment to the effect.
@ We Creative People:
You sure you’re included in that moniker?
Looks like some of the same numbskulls who thought Zune Tang actually meant what he said, thought this was real at first read, or thought that MDN thought it was real.
Some people watched Spinal Tap and didn’t get it either. They thought they were a real band, and “why are we watching a movie about them…they’re really really stupid.”
Part of the fun of satire is the people who DON’T catch on
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don’t compare this drivvel to spinal tap. this was an innane attempt at trying to be cute. The onion ran out of funny years ago.
No, the best Onion headline ever was “Nation’s Pornstars Demand to be F**ked Harder”
@ cb
or perhaps you have…
Amen Fatty Arbuckle:
It’s called reading comprehension, folks. Look it up.
cb: What would you know about funny?
cb,
I’m sure The Onion has plenty of funny left. It’s still one of the only publications that can make me laugh out loud.
One of my fave headlines: Five Years Later, NYC Unveils 9/11 Memorial Hole
another product that won’t work on the Windoze platform !