Apple unveils ‘iLaunch’ – new product-unveiling product

“At a highly anticipated media event Tuesday at San Francisco’s Moscone Center, Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs introduced a new Apple product he said would ‘revolutionize’ the process of unveiling new products throughout the world,” The Onion reports.

“‘In 1984, Apple introduced the Mac,’ Jobs said to an overflowing crowd as an image of the first Macintosh computer was displayed on a giant screen behind him. ‘We changed the face of the music industry with the first iPod in 2001. And in January, we showed off the revolutionary new iPhone. Today, Apple is releasing a piece of innovative new technology that will forever change the way innovative new technology is released,'” The Onion reports.

The Onion reports, “The iLaunch, as the new product is called, was then raised up from below the stage, prompting the audience of technology journalists, developers, and self-professed ‘Apple fanatics’ to burst into a five-minute standing ovation.”

“Described in its patent filing as a ‘hype-generating mechanism with fully integrated Mac compatibility,’ the iLaunch is powered by Intel dual-core processors optimized to calculate a product’s gravitas. Apple claims the iLaunch can garner the same amount of press attention as a major scientific discovery, high court ruling, celebrity meltdown, or natural disaster at 200 times the speed of a traditional media-fostered launch,” The Onion reports.

The Onion reports, “‘If you want to condition the public to liken your product to the telephone and the internal combustion engine in importance, that’s now possible with iLaunch,’ Jobs said. ‘And it’s so easy, even an intern can use it.’ …Shortly after Jobs’ address, Microsoft announced that they are working on a similar product, the Launch-O, due to debut in 2009.”

More in the full article here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Readers “Dion,” “Jim,” “Chris,” and many others for the heads up.]


  1. This is fun too:

    An online tool published today allows users to instantly generate fictitious disease names and descriptions based on terminology commonly used in describing psychiatric or behavioral disorders. The “Disease Mongering Engine” is available at and randomly generates diseases, disorders and syndromes that sound real, but aren’t.

    The engine, created by author and natural health guru Mike Adams, is intended as a parody of conventional medicine and the over-diagnosis of Americans with fictitious diseases. “Drug companies actually invent fictitious diseases, then profit by selling drugs to treat those fictitious conditions,” Adams explained. By using an online software engine to generate disease names and descriptions that seem real, Adams hopes to demonstrate that just because a disease name sounds real doesn’t mean it is.

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