A couple on the south side of Chicago gave their 12-year-old daughter a Microsoft Zune from Wal-Mart.
No, we don’t know what the girl did to deserve such a hideous punishment. And, believe it or not, it gets worse. How is that even possible, you ask?
Well, it seems the Zune had already been returned at least once (big surprise), but it came with a whole lot more than an instruction manual, according to MyFox Chicago.
Is an almost two-hour-long homosexual orgy video on an already-returned open-box device that nobody wants high atop your 12-year-old daughter’s Christmas wish list? Then the Wal-Mart on Chicago’s south side eagerly awaits your visit.
We’ll leave the “squirt” jokes to you. Full video report here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Sketchtrain” for the heads up.]
Related articles:
RealMoney’s Comeau predicts: ‘Microsoft will kill the first Zune media player by midyear’ – December 16, 2006
Desperation time? Microsoft Zune already being discounted by retailers – December 13, 2006
Microsoft Zune plummets to 5th place in U.S. digital media player market share with 2.1 percent – December 04, 2006
Analysts: Microsoft needs to ‘rethink’ as interest in Zune fades fast – December 01, 2006
Amazon’s bestselling MP3 players list chronicles Microsoft Zune dud – November 20, 2006
Opinion: More blood on Apple iPod’s Click Wheel: Microsoft pulls plug on Zune – July 25, 2006
Want to know what’s even more awful? Steve Ballmer was the star of that homosexual orgy.
Zune that!!!!
Welcome to the social, little girl.
MS prides itself on products for the real world.
Wow. This really isn’t an indictment of MS or the Zune. But Wow. That Wal-Mart manager is stupid. I’m guessing that the box was reshrink wrapped. I think that’s of questionable legality. I think my last sentence may have questionable grammar, I need more coffee.
‘Can’t wait to hear what Zune Tang posts about this!
Now Zune Thang can complete his sentence…welcome to the social…disease.
Finally, Microsoft beat Apple to a unique feature on their MP3 player that some people will find a ‘must have’. Redmond will be hoovering up the pink dollars in no time.
Walmart–pay the parents a couple of grand — before this gets bigger. Was it brown?
Hmm… I knew that Microsoft was sending out special pink Zunes as little surprises.
Never thought it would end up like this…
Walmart paid the parents a full refund plus a $25 gift card.
Now they only have to explain to their 12 year old daughter what those men were doing to each other.
“Was it brown?”
It was white when it was new. Now it’s brown.
I understand Z’s colour scheme now. Ho Ho.
Kid you been Zuned:
The bad news is your gettin’ a Zune
The good news is it comes preloaded with porn.
Now I might just buy that for a dollar!!!!
I hope this story gets some real attention in the media. People are so surface oriented it will likely make them think that Zune’s come preloaded with porn. As if that idiotic device were not terrible enough.
Walmart paid the parents a full refund plus a $25 gift card????
Cheap bastar*s….I would threaten full pubic…errrr…public exposure.
crafty MS with their viral marketing … they are definitely thinking different
I;ll tell you all about it later. first, i gotta go get my hair and nails did.
The parents don’t look too bright.
A two hour orgy? Sounds like someone spent a good deal of time documenting the duration of Zune Tang butt pirates having homosexual intercourse. How many seconds or minutes of time does a person need to find such poof porn objectionable.
“Lookee, here, ma, there’s only two hours of fag on film.”
“Lemme see.”
“Hmm. Oh, my. Goodness. Ow, don’t that hurt? I’m not eatin’ puddin’ any mo.”
“Ya, know, she right. Only two hours. We paid good money for that thang. We is gettin’ our money back.”
Apple should very publicly provide this girl with an iPod.
I’m a Mac addict, but come on folks this is not a Microsoft did something wrong issue. A returned Zune or what have you. And the girl bought it.
Just like Apple shipping iPods with a virus. When a sub contractor sscrews up you act like Ballmer sent out an email to load up a Zube wth porn.. Come on already.
wow, she’s probably gonna be VERY disappointed when she and her first boyfriend “do it” for the first time….
Honestly though, that’s pretty sad.
Ok, this one mentions Wal-Mart and Porn.
Lets send out the flash mobs.
We need a Wal-Mart bashing mob and a defend porn mob……I don’t care if it’s the same people we sent to throw red paint on holiday shoppers, this subject is hot now….
C’mon people…..this is serious material for jokes. Sure we will bash MS and Walmart but it is not with anger, it is with fun….you know, the banana peel slipping kinda fun.
Loosen up…I for one am waiting for those readers that produce the funniest posts (and some of the posters here, except Zune Tang of course, are incredibly witty)….I know you are out there…let the games BEGIN!
Sign me up for both. I’ll go picket Wal-Mart in my leather harness and ball-gag.
Zed… get out the gimp.
-c
MW: ‘post’ (traumatic stress is worth big bucks in court)
It’s not a MSFT thing or a sub contractor. The parents bought an “opened” box of a zune. It could just of easily been done with an iPod but some how it’s fitting that this story was squirted first.
Unsurprisingly, store chains, even like Walmart, operate differently from neighborhood to neighborhood. One neighborhood may have a clean, well-managed store with easy listening music playing, and friendly employees, another will have a messy store, that plays rap, where you can never find any stock of anything, or an employee who is rude when they finally show up. I go to 3 local Gamestops to buy used games ($10 sure beats $60) and one store ALWAYS is missing at least one game I bring to the counter, and its always a mess on the floor, and always understaffed. I woulda written corporate a long time ago, but obviously if they have district managers, they know already. The Walmart is probably a ‘problem’ store where all sorts of foolishness occurs, and the only resolve for more trivial issues, is shop in a different town.
“Apple should very publicly provide this girl with an iPod.”
Yeah. But with straight porn for gosh sakes.
the parents did exactly what any decent loving parents would do. This has nothing to do with their ethnicity. I am appalled by your ignorance. I think that all of your racist jokes should be left inside your puny little ignorant brains. Stop posting your racist comments.
Now, that’s a Show and Tell the class will remember.
Gay porn on a Zune!
Who knew Microsoft would be marketing to Mac users when the Zune won’t even work on a Mac?
Welcome to the social, Mac users.
She got zuned, indeed.
Now does this mean Zune Tang must change his moniker to Zune Thong?
what racist jokes? i didn’t read anything about race. maybe you’re the racist who attributes certain “linguistic charactaristics” to a race, but i don’t.
That mom looks more like a Chunnel than a Chanell.
Zune Tang may say ” see? even the Zune can do porns! Microsoft is the shitz!” :p
Seen around MS headquarters:
Steve Ballmer clapping his hands and stomping is feet to the beat of…
“Pornographers, Pornographers, Pornographers, Pornographers!”
So. Either journalists and bloggers have 3 free ones each or you buy a “NEW” one and get the gay porn orgy.
The jokes write themselves with Microsoft.
Congratulations jallard@microsoft.com Top job.
And how do you know she didn’t ask for it that way? Dammit, I wish I had been in a union.
maclover : I have to say that I’m offended by easy-listening music, especially the muzacked version of a really great song. You’ve heard it, you know it. The person who did that deserves to have that gay porn Zune superglued to their face and forced to watch reruns of Barney while listening to the crap that they made us hear and making our lives a little bit poorer by destroying a beautifully written song by turning it into a whitebread boring “family-safe” trite piece of crap. Screw you easy-listeners, If I wanted easy listening I’d pay a Norwegian black metal band to beat Kenny G. with a Zune. That’s easy-listening. Or I’d go buy Damien Rice’s new CD.
I find the mother’s response funny. ‘What do you tell a twelve year old about a homosexual orgy?” She’s twelve, not five. She probably knows more about sex than they realize. If she was 14 or 15, they probably wouldn’t have gotten the Zune back without her watching it once or twice.
Just tell her…
(1) When your old enough to have sex (way after your teen years, despite what your hormones and friends will tell you), never ever video tape or photograph yourself having sex. It will come back to haunt. Don’t believe the boyfriend or girlfriend who would persuade you to do so;
(2) Don’t ever do Girls Gone Wild;
(3) revisit 2, really just don’t;
(4) If you decide to videotape yourself having sex—please secure the videotape and or digital files (cause I will talk about your whoring ways if word gets out);
(5) Don’t expect any boyfriend who’s not gay to perform, this move, or that move, definitely not that one, maybe this… anyway, expect things to be a bit tamer when you start having sex;
(6) Do you want to address the issue of size, your kind of young, we can do that later;
(7) I understand if right now your thinking lesbianism is a good way to go, but you have your college years to decide, just remember rules (1), (2), and (3);
any questions???
After thousands of ‘Refreshed’ ipods have been sold, none have anything like this. Why you ask, its quite simple…..Apple actually hooks them up and refreshes them before re-selling them…….that’s the difference in quality between the two companies.
The title of the video on the Zune:
Looking for love in all the wrong places
Starring … Steve Ballme, Zune Tang, J.Allard, Enderle and Dvorak
First, Buster, you should have taken the time to erase the contents of your Zune before you returned it. What you do in the privacy of your own home is none of our business. All I ask is that you think of the children.
Second, what I find incredible is that someone returned a Zune! Once you hold that brown baby in your hand, it’s yours. The WiFi, the FM, the points, I mean c’mon!
Welcome to the Social.
Sadly (for the sake of jokes anyway), the Zune appears to be black not brown. =(
So much for gay men having better taste!
grow up people
it seems obvious that none of you have mother’s nor sisters from the comments here. It is a kid that has been exposed to less than ideal images. And you wonder how come kids grow up t work for MS –
MDN magi word: volume, as – the majority of the posts here speak volumes of the posters
ever wondered why balmer’s tongue is always showing?
those guys shouldn’t be having sex on a zune!!! its not their fault….
Did you notice the orientation of the video on the screen?
(no, not sexual orientation)
” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”tongue wink” style=”border:0;” />
So much for Zunes “larger” screen, the video was vertical on a horizontal screen and only used about one third of it.
Homosexual Orgy…
” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”raspberry” style=”border:0;” />
Welcome to the Social
Okay ZT, I confess. I should have erased it but I was so upset after finding out you gave me a used Zune that I forgot.
Randy…yeah right…none of us have mothers (well maybe Zune Tang). What are we going to do…cry? Whine about the horror? It cannot be undone so I prefer to see the humor in it.
Loosen up. Man some people are such tight asses (whoops…that is the wrong thing to say in this thread).
P.S. That was another joke for the humor-challenged people here
And all along Ballmer thought his Zune was stolen.
Squirt This!
MDN Word= Lay (no comment)
I love that the complaint was that it was a homosexual orgy. If it was a heterosexual orgy, that would have been ok…
Just wondering
Microsoft and Wal-Mart, a match made in…HELL.
Microsoft Zune: Welcome to the Facial.
Don’t know how you all manage to put the blame on Mafiasoft for this one but it is a crazy story nevertheless.
If the Zune is loaded with some really good gay porn maybe I would buy it.
I should talk to MS about a distribution deal for my gay porn productions. Ballmer, if you’re listening (or just drooling on yourself) call me.
-c
The Zune floated back to the top of the toilet bowl.
They should have used a bigger plunger so that it did not return.
I knew the tag line was welcome to the social but thats a little too social.
You the south side of Chicago
It’s the baddest part of town
When you go down there
You best beware
of a man named Leroy Brown
that the 12 year old daughter is already a mother of two.
This may very well save the Zune.
Let’s face it – porn drives technology.
So MS should advertise Zunes in the back of under the counter magazines and ship them in brown paper wrappers and have them preloaded with porn. Pretty zune, there will be lots of Zunes out there squirting each other.
This could be the only way Zune could get market share.
You gotta wonder about anyone MORONIC enough to buy an open-box Zune from Wal-Mart. How fscked up is that??
BTW, how do they know the asspack orgy is 2 hours? Did someone time it? Eeewww….
there will be lots of Zunes out there squirting each other.
What about Zune owners (heh) who don’t want to get squirted on? Will there be wireless-blocking chastity pouches?
Or how about Zune condoms to help contain squirts?
Some how I don’t think this is the kind of “Social” MS had in mind…
This preposterous product will vanish real Zune (soon).
Okay, I give up. I guess I’ve been wrong all along. Zune sucks. iPods and Macs rule. I’m going to get rid of my Zune and get an iPod and a Mac.
Is this the same Wal-Mart that had the tossed salad dressing right next to the camcorders and Wesson next to the bungie cords? No, wait. That was Bal-Mart…
(“we need a clean up in hardware on aisle 69”)
(“our prices aren’t the only thing going down”)
(“Sorry sir, we have a ‘no return’ policy on gerbils”)
(“Our clothes are always half off!”)
(“Thank you for shopping Bal-Mart, where the customer comes first”)
This just goes to show that the Zune and gay orgy pornos were made for each other. This takes the Squirting phenomena to a whole ‘nother level.
Wow, my two favorite things, the Zune and Gay Porn! Yes!!! Welcome to the social indeed!
I’m responsible for this….
My abusive father, Zune Tang Sr. loaded my Zune with gay porn & forced me to watch….
So one day after school, I returned the Zune to the Walmart in our local Chicago neighborhood…. I just wanted the horror to end (more of the horror being a teenager who actually owns a Zune)…
They are now basing a Law & Order SVU episode on this whole incident that will (ironically) be available from iTMS for download….
I feel so ashamed… The police are stil hot on the trail of Zune Tang Sr…
I am now in group therapy for individuals recovering from the mental anguish & isolation felt from owning a Zune (all 4 of us)…
Welcome to the social…
The poof parade, also known as Zune Tang and friends.
Wal-Mart sucks. Democrats and Republicans alike know that they are ruining the economy.
Man, this stuff is gold. Does this kind of thing ever hit the newspapers in the US. Or do only the 17 people who visit MDN get to hear about it. Get this kind of news into the mainstream.
Gay porn?! That is imposible! Not a single gay buys device that ugly!
Proud owner of the 60G iPod Video with 20G of gay porn.
Gay Porn?
I dunno. Let’s ask Mark Foley.
Or any Catholic Priest.
…and after firing the minister for getting a “massage” and drugs from a gay prositute, the head of the church returned the zune…
Dear Mr Balmer,
Although, the Pope deeply appreciates the gift of the preloaded brun zune he must return it with regret. His Holliness specifically requested a white zune to match his Prada shoes.
He sends His best wishes and hopes that someday soon both of our great institutions will be able to regain their rightful domination over the people and lead them back into ignorance.
At least now we now how those Zunes get the brown color.
“two-hour-long homosexual orgy video”
In fact, the parents had to watch it three times just to make sure they knew long the video was.
You forgot to include Gary Condit (D). Furthermore, it ain’t the Catholic Church that’s the problem, it’s the gay men who infilterated it. It’s a good bet that most of those gay priests are liberals.
I’ll state the obvious: It’s cruel, but they got what they deserved for buying a microsoft product.
$25 gift card? Are you kidding me? If my daughter ended up with gay porn because of their incompetence I’d take nothing less than a six figure sum (I’d aim for 7), and certainly not a gift card!
The Zune as a Grume-ing device!
This is why microsoft called it the ‘squirting’ feature, see?