“Useless lawsuits are one of the great traditions of American jurisprudence. These costly and time-consuming actions serve only to reflect the inherent greed and foolishness of the plaintiffs. The recent trend of morbidly obese people suing fast food restaurants for causing their conditions seems to have vanished. This should by no means reflect a crisis of conscience in those unwilling to take responsibility for their lives. If anything, the vultures and parasites among us are alive and well,” Christopher J. Stephens writes for The National Ledger.
“The latest flavor in our national candy sampler of people we should not know goes by the name of John Kiel Patterson. The only identification most reports have offered about Patterson is his state of origin (Louisiana) and his name. This is just as well. Whether Patterson is 16 or 66, he will be temporarily fixed in a flimsy file in our memory cabinet as the man who initiated a class action lawsuit against Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc. [sic] for creating and marketing ipods that are ‘inherently defective in design’ and ‘not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss,'” Stephens writes.
MacDailyNews Take: Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc.?! Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Chris? You had us at “useless.” Don’t screw it all up with some crazy-ass Freudian slip. Now, get back on track… [Update: Feb. 5, 10:58am EST: Original article now shows that “Microsoft’s” has been removed.]
Stephens continues, “It might be understandable at this point if Patterson had actually experienced hearing loss. His attorney Steve B. Merman [sic: it’s Steve W. Berman] claims that’s beside the point of the lawsuit. For Berman, Patterson, and anybody else who might want to jump on this potential gravy train, it’s about the potential the product provides… On paper, there seems to be logic in this premise. If a product is defective and has the potential to cause damage, it should be recalled and repaired. Warnings are plainly visible on the packaging, but they may not be enough. Read between and beneath the lines and the logic falls apart. There is risk in everything if we turn off our brains before absorbing any given experience. If a plaintiff like John Kiel Patterson is allowed to collect damages for likely hearing loss, the potential for future foolishness is unlimited.”
Full article here.
Another potential benefit of useless, baseless lawsuits against products that Stephens fails to mention is to help out “competitors” that happen to lack the ability to compete. The iPod nano scratches lawsuit – also handled by the same Microsoft-retained vulture Steve W. Berman, by the way – didn’t work to slow iPod sales; maybe a ridiculous lawsuit against iPod for potentially causing hearing damage will? Highly doubtful, but why let common sense and facts (all iPods ship with volume controls and the warning: “Avoid Hearing Damage*”) stand in the way of filing in a U.S. court, right?
*From Apple’s iPod User’s Guide: Avoid Hearing Damage: Warning: Permanent hearing loss may occur if earbuds or headphones are used at high volume. You can adapt over time to a higher volume of sound, which may sound normal but can be damaging to your hearing. Set your iPod volume to a safe level before that happens. If you experience ringing in your ears, reduce the volume or discontinue use of your iPod.
Apple’s iPod User’s Guide also states: Avoid Wet Locations” Warning: To reduce the chance of shock or injury, do not use your iPod in or near water or wet locations.” Stay tuned for Berman’s upcoming lawsuit filing when he finds a client who wants to sue Apple because he or she thought about taking a shower with their iPod.
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Related articles:
Report: Apple iPod hearing loss lawsuit headed by Microsoft retained trial lawyer – February 02, 2006
iPod user sues Apple over hearing loss [UPDATED] – February 01, 2006
Pro-Microsoft attorney involved in anti-Apple iPod nano lawsuit – October 25, 2005
If this doesn’t prove that this is the time for a ‘loser pays’ legal reform then nothing does. The guy admits that he doesnt know if he’s suffered any damages and he’s filing a lawsuit.
People should not be allowed to sue for their own stupidity.
Furthermore, I think we should find out what we can about this guy and just bombard his life with snail mail and email and just go off on him.
How about a billboard in his hometown with his pciture that says “I’m too stupid to know that listening to loud music can damage my hearing”.
Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc. [sic]
“sic” means it was quoted in its original form even though it contains errors.
You guys should know that
Let’s not forget that lawyers are one of the democratic party’s largest contributers. So, any law that allows lawsuits against companies benefits them. And it just so happens that most of these laws were written by the democrats.
I have a 20 gig iPod I purchased 10 months ago and maybe I’m wrong but………….. whenever I start playing anything I’ve noticed that the available volume control is always set at about 85%. By default I always have the option to turn it up. I know you can set the volume and EQ options per song in iTunes but hasn’t Apple created a default of reasonable moderation in the iPod……somewhat?
How about we initiate a class action suit against Berman, alledging that he is causing undo expense to Apple, thereby reducing the profitability of the firm and negatively impacting our investments?
The original word Microsoft was an editing error. SOmetimes you start a thought, and change it mid sentence, and sometimes you miss the obvious mix up in the editing process. Let’s say he’s thinking that the lawyer is a Microsoft shill. Well, he starts writing and the word Microsoft comes out.
It’s common.
I just love how everyone on here always blasts journalists for what are usually very obviously editing errors.
You all make mistakes too, but luckily your mistakes aren’t out for thousands to see.
Anyone who can break an out-of-warranty iPod and try to get it replaced for free doesn’t know the difference between OS X and XP.
“Good Luck With That Broken iPod”
Anyone who’s experienced car problems, and dealt with long service waits & dealers that couldn’t -or wouldn’t- fix the troubles, knows that “good luck with that” is just par for the course for today’s consumer.
Which is a shame. We expect, no DEMAND, a lot better from Apple. Shoddy customer service kills you in the future.
Y R you believeing some comments than some idiots made up. My iPod batter went dead i took it in, brand new iPod the next day. Same thing with my friend. Same thing with my dads ibook 2 months out of warranty, they replace its CD drive and it logic board. They replaced my iBook battery even though it was fine, for some non-exitent heating issues. Apple has the best tech support. They even did a rating on it. You probally just encountered a bored person at the apple store or where so umpleasent that he just wanted you gone!
“SDRG!!! IODRGZDO!!
DKG!! %()#*!! GTRMLD!!!
ZDRG!!!!!!!”
It must a peanut butter day, or was playing with marbles and got hungry
“Lots of other MAJOR problems with iPods:
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/computers/apple_ipod.html“
What is this? MS FUD?
Let’s have some qualified firsthand accounts of multi-hour Genius Bar waits and problems that weren’t addressed under warranty.
If the problems are that bad why aren’t relevant consumer protection groups investigating Apple? Why aren’t people filing written complaints to the agencies?
Looks a bit suspect it me.
Great marketing
Apple pays a small price, updates their packaging a little in exchange they get millions and millions of dollars in free brand awareness.
“Hey Marko, look, I got me one of those ear blasting iPods”
“Cool dude, your da bomb man”
Of course it’s Microsoft throwing Apple the bone (M$ lawyer) with the lawsuit becasue Apple has been promoting and selling OfficeMac and keeping “Numbers” safely locked up.
You know this would ordinarily work on me, I would be upset about the lawsuit, but then I have seen this same thing happen over and over.
Man it’s great to be old sometimes.
What’s the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk on the highway?
The skidmarks in front of the skunk!
Here a suggestion for John Kiel “Dumbass”. Try turning the fucking volume down. The frivolous should be thrown out. What’s next…suing Hershey because their candy bars are too sweet and cause cavities??
I bought a brand new BMW, the cataylitic converter was defective. They replaced it. Now I’m suing BMW for keeping my brand new BMW in the shop for repaires.
Lots of other MAJOR problems with iPods:
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/computers/apple_ipod.html“
Just read it…all BS
About the Consumer Affairs link, if you go to “The Complain Leader” you’ll find it’s Dell who actually has the most complaints, even adjusting for market size. In addition although the editors have noticed an increase in Apple complaints lately they still recommend buying an Apple.
I noticed several complaints about Nanos with cracked screens, that’s a known issue and gets fixed with no questions asked. I have to wonder what they aren’t saying.
Did you read the part when Apple had to drill a hole and put a bigger screw in this guy’s powerbook. Trolls
Why doesn’t Apple just close and shop and say, ” go buy a fuc*king DELL and Sony. We are tired of hearing you stupid ass whiners complaining. When we started this company we had normal people buying our products not the now generation, who just are greety farts and listen to the backstreet fags and rap crap
Sorry, still can’t hear you – what was that you said about turning my iPod down?
Lawsuits. Lets see…
First, I might look at taking on the phone companies for forcing me to text messages all the time. Man, my thumb is really sore.
Secondly, I also have slight tennis elbow. hmm… I know – because I was forced to use a Fischer racquet when I play tennis, I think I’ll sue them too.
Finally, I’m also gonna to sue Apple because the second design studio I ever worked at used Macs, so I had to as well. Hey – that was 16 years ago and I’m still using them!
Wow – After I’ve wasted everyones time and had my 5 minutes of fame, I’m gonna be laughing all the way to the bank!
If the courts find that Steve W. Berman has filed too many frivolous lawsuits, they can charge and fine him for abusing the legal system. There ARE limits, you know.
Hey my car travels at 220KM per hour. I should start to learn how to drive at top speed. LOL
“Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc” – what?