“I’ve come to the conclusion that after my last publicity stunt, I must be a sadist—and I probably, at this point, need counseling. I do have seriously mixed feelings about tormenting people, especially masochistic Mac nuts, who I seem to target every so often, much like dropping a cherry bomb down an ant hole and running for cover,” John C. Dvorak writes for PC Magazine.
Dvorak writes, “It’s so easy, but the results are always the same. This is my last time, ever.”
“Here’s the story behind this. I was doing a Twit Podcast at the San Francisco Apple store. Dave Winer, the father of RSS and an all-around blusterer, was there, and he asked me how I antagonize Mac users so effortlessly. I told him I had constructed a foolproof model of how to do this,” Dvorak writes. “Winer immediately got bug-eyed and asked if he could record this on video with his digital camera. He was jazzed! I figured I’d give him an earful, since I knew he’d post it immediately.”
“I outlined a formula for maximizing interest in a single topic, which could result in a minimum of three columns. The video got passed around, and the Mac users were up in arms saying they’ve been tricked, that I’d been baiting them,” Dvorak writes.
Dvorak’s formula
• Find something critical to say about the Mac that may or may not be true.
• Personal attacks and hate mail then ensue. This gives me “free column number two.”
• Apologize for being wrong and then all the Mac crazies really go nuts since they all feel so vindicated.
Video of Dvorak admitting to baiting Apple Mac users for hits:
Direct link to YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAWDYaWAVQQ
“What I never mentioned was that I managed to do this, as defined, maybe three times ever,” Dvorak writes. “The model for this column construction is outstanding, but I haven’t done it in over 10 years.”
“Apparently, to some of the Mac nuts who watched my recent exposition on video, I’m unethical and should be fired immediately! I’m amazed at the number of humorless lunatics who use a Mac,” Dvorak writes. “So now I’m a bad guy for revealing this writerly formula, which is fairly straightforward and logical. Let’s face it, anytime I write about a Mac, I’m trying to get mileage out of weak material… I really have to stop doing this. But these Mac-nut people (as you will see) keep coming back for more. The worst of the mob all tell the others to stop reading me and linking to me (a boycott was recently proposed), but they never stop. They are just encouraging it, and they all know it.”
Dvorak writes, “But, as I failed to mention on the video, I haven’t used this formula lately. I have a new formula, and nobody knows what it is. But this much I can tell you: There will be no followup to this column and no apologies.”
Full article here.
MacDailyNews Take: Questions, we’ve got questions: Will Dvorak be able to repair irreparable damage? Once you flush what’s left of your credibility down the drain on video tape for all the world to see and hear, how do you get it back? Can you get it back? Why did Dvorak feel the need to address this issue if it’s so trivial? Perhaps there is such a thing as bad publicity after all. Isn’t this latest article just Dvorak’s attempt at preventing early retirement?
Do you believe that the world’s largest Hawaiian shirt-wearing weasel hasn’t used his “formula” in 10 years and that this is his “last time, ever?” In our opinion, Dvorak tried his “formula” as recently as last month, when he tried to execute step one of his formula by calling the iPod+Nike Sport Kit “nutty.” Do you believe anything that John Dvorak writes and/or promises? If so, why?
Of course, while he continues to work, we will keep covering Dvorak’s scribbles and faithfully highlight his lack of credibility lest anyone actually believes what he writes in the future.
Advertisements:
• Introducing the super-fast, blogging, podcasting, do-everything-out-of-the-box MacBook. Starting at just $1099.
• Get the new iMac with Intel Core Duo for as low as $31 A MONTH with Free shipping!
• Get the MacBook Pro with Intel Core Duo for as low as $47 A MONTH with Free Shipping!
• Apple’s new Mac mini. Intel Core, up to 4 times faster. Starting at just $599. Free shipping.
• iPod. 15,000 songs. 25,000 photos. 150 hours of video. The new iPod. 30GB and 60GB models start at just $299. Free shipping.
• Connect iPod to your television set with the iPod AV Cable. Just $19.
• iPod Radio Remote. Listen to FM radio on your iPod and control everything with a convenient wired remote. Just $49.
Related articles:
Video: Dvorak admits to baiting Apple Mac users for hits – June 10, 2006
Dvorak thinks iPod+Nike Sport Kit is ‘nutty’ – May 24, 2006
Dvorak: Apple needs to make Mac OS X open-source– April 17, 2006
Dvorak: ‘Apple Computer should change its name for good’ to avoid future Apple Corps litigation – March 29, 2006
Dvorak: Will Apple ditch Mac OS X for Microsoft’s Windows? – February 16, 2006
John C. Dvorak expounds on pro-Mac, anti-Microsoft media bias – October 18, 2005
Dvorak: ‘Apple should be stronger, but Mac mystique will wane’ in wake of Intel switch – June 07, 2005
Dvorak calls Mac market share ‘stagnant’ when numbers really show Mac market share growth – December 29, 2004
Dvorak: Apple’s iPod may get a run from MSI’s X2 MEGA View portable multimedia player – December 08, 2004
John C. Dvorak: Apple iMac G5 is ‘reminiscent of a 1954 DeSoto’ – September 01, 2004
Nora, your post makes no sense.
If Dvorak wants to make fun of Mac zealots, then fine let him write about Mac zealots.
However, this is not what Dvorak does, instead he writes lies about Apple products in widely read publicatons. That’s not cool.
Dvorak’s formula is now being copied all across the internet by aspiring young writers combining trolling with writing.
I’ve seen it at many sites, it’s a cheap way to get hit counts off of Mac users because we spend so much time online.
We actually enjoy using our computers and this makes us a target for writer trolls.
With a Windows PC I can see people not wanting to use it so they are not online as often as we are.
It IS amazing. Mac fanboys make it so easy for Dvorak. Most writers have to work to develop stories. Dvorak only has to disparage Apple and you guys fall right into his trap. It is about time you learn to ignore him and get on with your lives.
that’s it Trevor exactly.
He can write all he wants and tease mac fans but to write lies about Apple products and hurt the credibility of a company (any company) is grounds for firing and never being allowed to work in journalism again.
People trust the views of journalists as experienced
tech people. It;s not for him to entertain himself
by writing false info about products just to rattle the cage.
This guy should be an outcast in the journalists circle jerk.
To those suggesting that MDN not cover Dvorak’s attempt to lie his way out of his drunken video disaster, I suggest you put down the pipe.
He get paid presumably well to rub elbows and joke around. It’s probably the only thing he’s ever done well and he’s made it his thing.
—
presumably well? he’s a blogger, and a tech writer. where’d you get that idea? look at what he’s wearing. seriously.
After listening to This Week in Tech for awhile, I’ve come to realize that Dvorak is a harmless curmudgeon. He’s full of s#%t and he knows it. Leo (the host) knows it, and anyone who has anything to do with him knows it. Once you read his stuff or listen to him for awhile you take 99% of what he says with a grain of salt.
Since we Mac fans normally don’t read his articles or listen to him on a regular basis, we assume he’s a typical PC tech columnist that is supposed to disseminate good information. That’s not Dvorak and most of the people that follow his column know it. He’s proud of his cranky old man image. He says outlandish stuff to get hits and he fully admits it. And it’s not just Mac stuff. He’s hyping some grand stock market crash in 2009 that, of course, only he can tell you about. He has plainly stated on a couple of episodes that if someone pays him, he’ll say whatever they want.
So it’s difficult for me to get all worked up about a guy who has no hope of being taken seriously. He’s Kraemer–goofy ideas that no one really believes.
If Dvorak’s choice bits are dissected here, we don’t have to go to his article to read it. And that’s how starving a columnist out of existence works, guys. You quote him, dissect him, and then laugh as his page hits approach zero.
Obviously a guy that got picked on mercilessly as a kid and now this is his way of getting ‘revenge’.
Wanker.
“Judge Bork” hit it, above.
He was DRUNK. He did appear sober during the TWIT taping, or as sober as he could look in that shirt and jacket. He was fiddling with Leo Laporte’s black MacBook, which distressed Leo a little when John first took it out of Leo’s hands (Leo was multitasking, trying to host the show). Dvorak sat there for 15-20 minutes, fiddling with the MacBook, fascinated like a monkey looking at his own sh!t. On second thought, he kind of looked drunk then too.
Ok, this might be his “new formula,” but to me, it’s simply a variation of his previous one.
Remember the Apple will run Vista and drop OSX? How F’N pissed did that make everyone? Then, later, he wrote one about why Vista is too late!
His new formla isn’t about apology, it’s about an indirect attack followed by acknowledgement of failure of somebody that isn’t him! “Well, my prediction would have been true had Microsoft not been so SLOW.”
Still, I’ll still read him, and so will everybody here.
The last time I layed eyes on anything Dvorak wrote was when he had the very last page of MacUser. ‘Member that?
Many have stated “Why do you link and post Dvorak’s stuff MDN!? Stop giving him hits and more publicity!?”
I find this hilarious. I gather this is the #1 hit artcile on MDN for today and tomorrow. Dvorak gets MDN lots and lots of hits, so of course they will always post a JD article or column, as his stuff works really well for MDN as well.
So if you want to rid yourself of John at MDN, don’t click on these MDN articles either.
Personally, I don’t mind giving MDN hits, but won’t click on Johnny’s latest goofiness. Although he is rather funny sometimes.
~Steven
Oh, I love taking his man donut in my mouth
and then sucking the cream filling out of it
BustingTheSkullsOfIdiots:
“If Dvorak’s choice bits are dissected here, we don’t have to go to his article to read it. “
Um, why would a bunch of Mac fans need to read his articles in the first place?
I agree with the other posters MDN. Why do you link to these columns? Just linking to them gives them more Google search hits to by having more links.
I stopped going to the columnists that are written up on the Mac sites. Why give them the hits or email feedback.
It truly is the only time these unread “Tech writers” get traffic to the ste. And I truly believe these writers do this at specific times due to employee contracts. Like cops with end of the month ticket quoatas. It’s like having Paris Hilton on Oprah during ratings month. Or Paris Hilton having a sex tape “stolen” only days before a show debuts or something.
If Mac people would not visit the links, or really not email these so called writers to build their ego, they might stop.
PC people have no thoughts regarding their PC and thee writers get no feedback from them.The only time PC people get excited is whenthey get their yerly new box to replace a virus/ad/mal-ware infected PC for $300. Yippee! Another crash ridden Dell for these folks. that makes them happy. Leaave them alone. Apple does with the pathetic advertising they air.
So they write a Mac column. Stop MDN and others along with readers of visiting these idiots. Mac users are suckered everytime. Being that atupid people will think we use PC’s.
What a bozo. This guy wins the contest for most retarded and idiotic computer journo hands down…
I think I can guess what Dvorak’s “New formula” is:
1) Cash check from Microsoft
2) Trash Apple in column
3) Buy more loud shirts and cheeseburgers on “uncle Bill’s” tab
Seriously though, this guy’s a proven joke. Why should any reasonable person give his columns any more credence or second-thought than the rants of a crazy bag lady at the bus stop?
He is almost never right. He must have dirty dictures of one of the editors or publishers at PC Magazine to have kept his job over the years. Move along.
I appreciate MDN picking apart the so called journalists like Dvorak and Enderle. If I want to see what lies are currently being told I can come here and see for myself without having to visit the source and give them undeserved hits.
Some of you are calling for MDN to stop providing links to the original articles; however, doing so would completely undermine the credibility of MDN. Anyone with a minimum of formal education knows that you can’t quote someone without acknowledging the source of the quote. In the paper and ink world that means footnotes and bibliographies, in the websphere it means providing links.
Ya know… I really have never read John Dvorak’s articles. I’ve heard about him and the crap he spews and I never really had the compulsion to visit the rag he writes for or the links to his articles. I’m sure what he writes may be entertaining, from a masochistic point of view.
I usually visit articles that enlighten me… I don’t believe he’d enlighten me all that much.
I usually visit articles that have some value… I don’t believe his word is worth much to begin with.
I may be wrong in saying this, but I believe Dvorak and others of his ilk should be defined as pompous windbags that shouldn’t have a profession as a writer. He should hang it up and go to work for, say, Häagen-Dazs and make milkshakes for the bloated masses, him being a bloated mass himself.
“Would you like a raspberry sorbitch bar with that, maam?”
When you are on top and you are clever you never reveal your secrets, when you are an egotist who feeds off popularity and beleves himself to be highly respected and now finds himself under immense pressure, you inevitably do . Fact is when someone is feeling the heat and can’t handle it they always come out and explain how of course none of it is remotely getting to him and further more how the laugh is really on all those who of course are very successfully getting under his skin and equally successfully destroying his credability. he hopes such bravado will frighten them off but of course it won’t, he is simply revealing his weakness This is the desparate last stand of a fool who finds people are laughing at him when he just so wants them to laugh with him. No chance.
This is what Dvorak does. Of course, some Mac nut takes the bait. Multiply the Mac nut by about a thousand or so and Dvorak gets his hits.
What a waste of DNA…
Please… he exhales carbon dioxide which is good for plants.