Enderle: Apple’s secret ‘fifth column’ saboteurs beat Microsoft, Dell, HP, Google

invisibleSHIELD case for iPad“Is it possible that all the bungling that took place in Microsoft’s entertainment and hardware division was actually sabotage? In World War II, Germany sent a secret ‘fifth column’ behind enemy lines to disrupt defenses during its invasions,” Rob Enderle writes for TechNewsWorld. “Corporations have engaged in similar activities, and a series of ‘mistakes’ that were beneficial to Apple has me wondering who’s really been calling the shots in Redmond.”

“Last week, Apple (AAPL) passed Microsoft (MSFT) in market capitalization for a number of reasons. I agree with Gary Marshall, who argues in ‘Apple beats Microsoft? Not so fast, Fanboys’ that the two companies aren’t even in the same race,” Enderle writes. “I’d even add that the only reason Apple moved ahead in valuation is because we don’t count stock owned by employees, and Bill alone has around US$40 billion of that.”

MacDailyNews Take: Market cap is the total number of outstanding shares multiplies by the share price. Doesn’t the number of outstanding shares include those owned by Gates and other MSFT employees?

Enderle continues, “Apple’s relative success really has more to do with decisions made at Microsoft than decisions made at Apple.”

MacDailyNews Take: Delusional bastage. We’re surprised he could dig out of all of that denial to lay his fingers upon his cheap generic PC keyboard. iMacs in earthquakes, this is going to be good!

Enderle continues, “Having said all of that, Microsoft is still the most profitable company in the segment, and as Jobs himself would point out, it is all about profit.”

“We frequently talk about Apple’s fan base, both as an asset and a liability, but one thing we don’t talk about is that it often seems Apple’s competitors go out of their way to fail. The first time I became aware of what looked like covert activity on Apple’s part was when I ran down the background on the HP iPod,” Enderle writes “In the post mortem on that failed effort, it appeared clear that Steve Jobs initially knew more about this product than HP’s own CEO Carly Fiorina did, and Steve used the information to play her so that HP never entered the market with its own product and was effectively locked out until Apple had monopolized that market.”

MacDailyNews Take: Okay, so Steve Jobs is a smarter CEO than Carly Fiorina.

Enderle continues, “I watched what appeared to be a similar lead on the killed Dell MP3 player. Information got leaked, and Apple’s supporters turned perceptions of the product so negative that Dell never released it. There was no hard evidence of Apple’s direct involvement — but when taken on top of the HP event that Apple did directly manipulate, the apparent connection was hard to disregard.”

MacDailyNews Take: Apple’s demolition of several markets has obviously driven Rob from “Crazy” to “Batshit Insane” with the utmost expediency. What actually happened was that Rob or somebody “leaked” that Dell had hired him to consult on an “iPod killer” and, when the tech world laughed their asses off, Dell wised up and realized that Enderle or not, they were about half a decade late, at least, and pulled the plug on a quixotic project. Even Michael Dell could see the writing on that wall, Rob.
• Enderle: Apple-funded sites already aggressively disparaging Dell’s as-yet unborn MP3 player – August 11, 2008
Dell’s ‘music consultant’ Rob Enderle pimps Dell’s ‘music strategy’ sans disclosure – August 04, 2008
This is not a joke: Dell hires Rob Enderle to consult on new ‘iPod killer’ – July 30, 2008

Enderle continues, “In the case of Palm and the Palm Pre, the firm had largely been rebuilt with ex-Apple employees. The Palm Pre was received with iPhone-like raves, yet it was systematically attacked — not by Apple, but by Palm employees who crippled every aspect of it. Individually, each item seems random, but collectively and in hindsight, each looks as though it was planned.”

MacDailyNews Take: Yes, he’s totally lost it now. This is great!!! Hey, Rob, tell us again how this year is going to be really nasty for Apple.

Enderle continues, “When a firm screws up everything — a firm made up of people from Apple who should have learned from Jobs the right way to do things — you begin to wonder if there was a plan, and whether Apple was behind it.”

MacDailyNews Take: Holy You-Can’t-Handle-The-Truth, Bat (shit insane) man!

Enderle continues, “The term ‘fifth column’ was created in World War II, and it referred to a successful effort by Germany to place loyalists behind enemy lines to disrupt defenses during what became a series of very successful invasions… While Kin phones haven’t yet killed off the Windows Phone platform, they did confuse the effort. (Google tried something similar with the now killed Nexus One, which made me wonder if Apple has folks in Google’s camp.)”

Enderle asks, “Does Steve Jobs have other folks in Microsoft working to ensure Ballmer fails?”

MacDailyNews Take: Microsoft shareholders, please skip this Take. Newsflash: Ballmer, while being perhaps the luckiest fool ever to walk the earth, is a terrible, God-awful CEO. The buffoon doesn’t need any help to fail. He’s a failure machine. Of course, as always, may he remain Microsoft CEO for as long as it takes!

Enderle continues, “In closing, I’ve often thought that companies could use an executive in charge of the ‘don’t do stupid stuff’ department whose job is — wait for it — to make sure firms don’t do stupid stuff.”

MacDailyNews Take: You mean like the guy at Dell who killed your iPod killer? — Oh wait, we killed it; sorry, almost forgot.

Full article – Think Before You Click™here.

MacDailyNews Take: We knew Apple whipping past Microsoft would drive some people crazy, but look at what it’s done to those who already were crazy! Unbelievable.

Mary, back away slowly and get out of the house immediately!

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Wingsy” for the heads up.]

109 Comments

  1. As always, the Enderle Comedy Group brings tears of laughter and joy to my eyes. As does the knowledge that Ballmer is still at the helm of The Good Ship Lollipop.

    Enderle, what a great comedy writer posing as someone who pretends to know about the computer industry.

  2. Enderle continues, “Apple’s relative success really has more to do with decisions made at Microsoft than decisions made at Apple.”

    And who in the upper echelons at Microsoft is responsible for hiring these 5th columnists, these spies, these snakes in the grass?
    The buck stops at Balmers door.

  3. Not only doesn’t he know the tech sector, he’s completely clueless about history.

    The term ‘fifth columnist’ comes from the Spanish civil war, and was meant metaphorically!

  4. I feel like as if the scales have been lifted from my eyes.

    And now I see things in much more clarity than I ever thought possible.

    Sadly, the clarity involves realising that The Enderle Group’s medical plan had better include psychiatric care.

  5. “Enderle continues, “The term ‘fifth column’ was created in World War II, and it referred to a successful effort by Germany to place loyalists behind enemy lines to disrupt defenses during what became a series of very successful invasions…”

    Enderle. “Successful”.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

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