We haven’t heard much from chanting, dancing, sweating, chair-throwing and swearing Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer since last month when he admitted that some of Windows Vista’s features will be “kissing cousins” to Mac OS X, so we thought we’d have some fun in the form of another photo captioning contest in the tradition of the ones we’ve held previously featuring RealNetworks’ CEO Rob Glaser.
So what if it’s one of those contests where nobody wins a “real” prize? Who cares! It’s fun anyway. Below is a photo of Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO – let’s see what you can do with it! [Thanks to MDN Reader “Lance” for the photo suggestion.]
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“Just think of all the cash we’re gonna make from our anti-virus-spyware subscription service!”
Please, please,please may I have some more porridge
Praise ‘da Lord!
Vista will be our Salvation…
Pray with me now my children!
“Last night, I had my dick in a vice, and I well, I experimented a bit and …”
Speaking to towelless Microsoft employees, “Steve Jobs won’t prevent Windows from running on Intel-based Macs. You might wonder what our customers will do when they have a choice between Windows and Mac OS X right in front of their faces. I’ve got one strategy – PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! GIVE IT UP FOR ME!!!”
What? Another Exploit that cripples Windows XP?? Hot Damn!!! I can smell Windows VISTA Sales Now!!!
“We’ve got Apple on one side, Google on the other, and we’re in the middle; too bloated to get out of the way. So what happens to Microsoft? This!”
Oofhaa, that one really smelled bad!
I’m gonna f’n kill Apple, right after I f’n kill Google!!!
Yeah Billy, look, Stevie made a poopie!
Bill, not so rough!
“Please don’t — in my mouth, Bill”
Rob, spread your ass like goatse and i’ll crawl inside!
“Now I just roll the dough like this”
“oh please please, help me Jesus”
please god…if you help me pass this one I’ll never eat 3 BigMacs in one sitting again.
I just had an ipod inserted in my ass.
Friction, baby!
“elementary school humor” damn, I nearly lost it reading your caption:-)
mw: size …fitting
That wasn’t hand cream? Doh!
God this one is stretching my ass sooooooo wide! ooooowwwwwwwweeeeeee!
This is what we’re gonna do to “podcasting” – SMACK!
From now on, repeat after me, it’s Blogcasting.
BLOGCASTING, BLOGCASTING, BLOGCASTING!
All iPods must be turned in following this meeting. We’ll give you 10% towards Dell DJ’s instead.
Fsck I’m ugly.
THANK YOU BILL MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!!!
I’d button my shirt’s top button, but I can’t find any with a 40-inch neck.
Please, Lord, remove this iPod from my ass!
“Oh Bill…. Just a little harder!!! OHHHHH…….”
Look my own private peep-show!
Even my sons want ipods!
Steve Ballmer, participant, Special Olympics.
GIVE ME HAIR!
“Thank goodness I successfully passed that gigantic window virus out my white, blotchy, fat, icy-cold billionairre ass!!!”
I bery, bery special. Yessss, I am. My mommy say so!
O-KAY. TANK ooh! TANK ooh bery muchly.
“When I heard about the new iMac G5 Media Center Apple introduced last week My sphinkter slammed shut just like this! I just KNOW Steve is sneaking up on me.”
“Man, all these captions are about as lame as my leadership of Microsoft!”
I’m going to KILL whoever put this super glue on in my vaseline?
I like it when Bill spanks my ass like THIS! *SMACK*
I WILL F’ING KILL GOOGLE
Sorry.
I’m going to KILL whoever put this super glue in my vaseline?
‘Stillborn’ is hopeless. As a last-ditch effort, perhaps I can fix it with a little trick taken from Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid!!!”
Just call me: Mr. Balmy-Agi!!!.
(Note the defintion of Balmy:
Adj. 1. balmy – informal or slang terms for mentally irregular;
Synonims: bats, batty, bonkers, buggy, crackers, daft, dotty, haywire, kookie, kooky, loco, loony, loopy, nuts, around the bend, round the bend, wacky, whacky, barmy, nutty, fruity, cracked
insane – afflicted with or characteristic of mental derangement; “was declared insane”; “insane laughter”
)
My dick is THIS BIG!!!
As ‘Ouch ThatsGottaHurt’ pointed out, I think ‘Balmy’ is quite an appropriate nickname / pet name for him.
Bill pounded me just like THIS!
This is exactly what Google, Apple and Sony have been doing to us for the last 3 years! SMACK!
DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS,
…..(cough….cough…gasp) – “Man I’m out of shape”
Dean Vernon Wormer to Steve Ballmer:
“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
Uncle Fester applauding his incredible, invisible light bulb
CAPTION: Oh chubzzy, the answer is always no.
“Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Woooooo wooooo Woo woo wooo! AhhhhhhhhhH! Yeeaaaaaah! Yeaahhhh! Woohooo! Wooooo woooo woo woo woo! Will you give it up for me?!!! ”
[Sparkeety ! Spark! Poof! Ass on fire … ]
“Ahhhhhhhhh! Noooooo! Noooo! Pleaseaaase! AhhhhhHhha ahaaa ahhhaaa Ahhhhhhh! Pssssssssssssssssss… Ohhh ho ho, I should have worked at InfinityLoop One!”
“Patty cake, patty cake, baker man…”
Maybe the dingo eat your baby.
“Oh yeh, with all this press and fanfare, Apple has mine in a vice, like THIS!”
I’m pretty sure he’s demanding more cowbell.
Can’t wait to get back to my office and look at porn on my new iPod
Jesus, what crawled up my ass and died!
“Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting…”
Ka-cock, Ka-cock, Ka-cock
(If you don’t get the reference, Netflix Season 2 of Arrested Development.)
“Bloody superglue!”
“Excellent!” in best Mr. Burns voice possible.
Addressing Microsoft employees:
“You don’t need no stinkin’ towels, just rub your hands together under the fsckin’ air dryers we gave you! Now, get back to work on Vista’s spaghetti code!!!”
Nyuck nyuck nyuck!!!
Awwww yea, my Apple shares went up yet again!
. . . so I saw that iPod, and I grabbed it, and I smushed it up like this, into a little tiny ball. Then I popped it in my mouth and swallowed it. Then I thought, “See, no more iPod. I don’t see any iPod.”
When it came out the other end, all smashed up, I put a “Plays for Sure” sticker on it and shipped it to Best Buy.
“Mr. Miyagi taught me this! If I rub my hands real hard and place them on your PC, all the pains of Windows will disappear!”
“You know how you whack your old Zenith a few times to get a picture? So, when you get the blue screen, you just smack the monitor real hard. BAM! Like that. It’s true. It’s on page 257 of your XP troubleshooter manual. Look it up.”
“Furthermore, let me say that unlike the iPod nano, I can assure you my head will remain shiny and scratch free… even if I regularly have it up my ass!!! Of course it won’t hold 1000 songs, but then a nano can’t thow a chair, now can it???”
“you know that sick feeling you get when youve got a turd so big it doesnt want to come out?”
“We’re gonna take Google, and we’re gonna SQUASH THEM like a virus.”
So Balmer comes into my office while I’m in the middle of a .dll error nightmare and starts crying like a girl. He’s all like, “Billy, please, please, for the love of god! I can’t take it anymore. I can’t live with my pathetic self. I can’t live in denial anymore. It’s eating me up on the inside. The viruses, the .dll errors, the blue screens of death. Please put me out of my misery Billy, let me go! Let me go! I’ve been living a lie! I’ve been using a Mac since Jaguar. I’m so sorry, Bill! Ohhhh, god! Ohhh, god, I just can’t go on like this.” And on and on he went like a blabbering idiot. I bitch slapped him and told him to clean himself up, shape up, or I’d be forced to release those pictures of him and all those developers on that crazy night in Vegas.
You know how far they shoved that god damn tube up my ass. I wish we had never got involved with NBC. Screw Katie Couric
“That guy took my cymbals!!”
OMFG!! I just watched the dancemonkeyboy footage. This guy is nuts, I mean like has body parts of former neighbors in jars in his basement kinda nuts. If this guy doesn’t get some serious help he’ll end up taking hostages in a Wal Mart somewhere. YIKES!!
“Jesus, I wish I had hair”,
“Jesus, I wish I had hair”,
“Jesus, I wish I had hair”
Do not worry Daniel-san. I will fix your leg for the tournament.
“PLEASE, PUH-LEEEEEEZE God, I BEG Of YOU! Please make all our competitors like Apple and Google just miraculously disappear… you know… like in that really cool POOF! dock effect in Mac OS X !!!”
Apple of my eye, my ass. The fsck-ing thing is stuck there! Developer, developers! My Kingdom for some developers!
Yes! We have finally copied Macs OS. Now every one will know how Macs would feel if they got all our windows viruses.
This screams “integrity”
Bill Gates: “Simon sez: Bark like a seal!”
Ballmer: “urh, urh, urh”
“Kneel before Zod!”
I’m pretty sure he’s demanding more cowbell.
I’m pretty sure he’s demanding more developers … developers … developers …
Thank you Apple, may I have another? repeats with every swat
“My dick is THIS BIG!!!”
__
LOL!!!!
OOOOOOOOO WEEEEE I can’t WAIT to get my hands on Mac OS X 10.5 Leopard
Dammit, they passed The Cheeseburger Bill !
“I really hate that iPud!”
(Karate yell)
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllmaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
Oh Yeah! There is an ‘all you can eat’ buffet across the street. Sweet!
“Oh Lord, please don’t let me get fired this month! I just need to save enough up for one of those new Quad G5’s! What? Oh hi, Bill. Uh… I wasn’t doing… anything…”
MW: Eyes, look at his eyes!
If you rub hard enough you can get rid of the hair that grows on your palms.
Toasty wins with his quote so far, hands, um, down…
put your hand together
I said, put your hand together now
dance like a monkey(boy)
I said, dance like a monkey(boy)
http://www.ntk.net/media/dancemonkeyboy.mpg
If I rub real hard and chant real loudy, maybe Steve Job will explode
And the winning entry is:
If your blue and you don’t know where to go to why don’t you go where fashion sits….
PUDIN ONA RIZ!!!
http://www.moviewavs.com/cgi-bin/mp3s.cgi?Young_Frankenstein=the-ritz.mp3
DAMNIT… WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M DOING? I’M PLUGGING AND PRAYING!!!!!!!!
If you’re happy and you know it…
Dr. House: So, what is it?
“It’s an Mp3 Player”
Who opened the window and let all these flies in here?
Ballmer: ‘I M sofa king wee tah did!’ (hint: read it quickly)
so i took the twinkie and i squirted the cream filling into my mouth like this *slap
Damnit, I totally thought of that iPod thing before they did.
“I am sofa king we todd ed”
“Ouch!!! That kick my microsoftie balls hurts!!”
He is sofa king read todd did.
Another caption: “Doh! Some one complained about us requiring our software on all MP3 players! Damn iTunes!”
Please get me off the planet Jupiter!
MOMMA, I like it here on Mars, I LIKE IT HERE ON MARS!!
1) Clear the room … she’s GONNA B L O W W W W W ! ! ! !!
2) Oh no!
Not the balls, not the balls, nottheballs, NOTTHEBAAALLLLSSSSS!
I just installed Mac OS X last night, and look at all the new features we get to steal.
or…
Hot damn!!! My Apple stock is up 130% for the year!
PLEEZE NOOOooo Billy, let me do my MondeyDance again!!! I know I can get them motivated!! I can even do a little Softshoe ….But PLEEEZE dont trade me in for…..for…..for an iPOD
OH………….
I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener…..
Marketing to BG:
And in this picture is our new Vista Grand MOTIVATOR. Each of the first 1000 Vista purchasers will get on of THESE free! It blabbers, drools and if you kick it, it does a kind of monkeydance.
iPod Nano! iPod + video! I can crap better MP3 players than that. Watch this.
MYCOSHOF GOOOOOD, APPOL BAAAD
or
Oh man, if I squint my eyes it really does look like a $#&#$!
This is the closest I’ve come to a woman in years.
I didn’t know Fred Mertz lived that long!
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Introducing, “The Crapper,” a wonderful combination of “The Clapper” and your favorite thing in Windows–the crashes!
if bill gates were to stand in front of me now, I’d but “it” between my hands and open my mouth like this.
Sir, if you leave now, I’m going to call security.
WHO SAID SIT DOWN? GIVE IT UP FOR ME! ONE MORE TIME…
DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS,
I’ve got four things I want to say <huff, puff, deep inhale>…
DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS.
“When I get a cream filled Krispy Kream, I like to squirt the cream into my mouth by going……WHAM!!!!!!”
Yay! String beans!
Wow!… Look at the shape of the opening of his mouth & lips… Is that an apple?
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“When we come out with a mobile phone, it will be sssóóóóóó flat!”
And that is how you make a peanutbutter and jam sandwitch!
Please, Bill can you give me my iPod I loaned you back!
This is the church, this is the steeple, I’m gonna F’n kill all you people!
Sometimes, when I get real nervous, I stick my hand under my armpits and SNIFF ‘EM!
Mom! Mom! Look what I can do! Look what I can do!