“Moments after successfully unlocking the San Bernardino iPhone, the F.B.I. rendered the phone permanently useless by spilling a glass of water on it, an F.B.I. spokesman confirmed on Tuesday,” Andy Borowitz writes for The New Yorker. “Calling the accident ‘one of the biggest embarrassments in F.B.I. history,’ bureau spokesman Harland Dorrinson told reporters, ‘There’s no way to express how bad we feel about what happened to that phone.'”
“In a possible thawing of relations between Apple and the F.B.I.,” Borowitz writes, “Apple C.E.O. Tim Cook offered to replace the damaged iPhone for seven hundred and forty-nine dollars, or two hundred and ninety-nine dollars with a two-year contract.”
Read more in the full article here.
MacDailyNews Take: Oh, Andy.
SEE ALSO:
Bill Gates spends entire first day back in office trying to install Windows 8.1 – February 5, 2014
In poll about debt-ceiling crisis, Americans totally excited about Apple’s new iPhone 5s – September 23, 2013
Apple’s iPhone 5 to give shape and purpose to previously empty and meaningless lives – September 12, 2012
I call this a crock of sh*t. As well, the article is designated as ‘humor’.
Andy is a humor writer. Enjoy it for the fiction it is.
http://www.snopes.com/fbi-spills-water-iphone/#!
They just didn’t want the other even bigger embarrassment that there was no valuable data on the phone, or they don’t want to share the secret to “hacking” the phone, or they never really were able to hack to phone at all.
—-but glass of water? Nope!
I was going to say so much for water boarding!
This feels like an ad for Samsung. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that there was nothing useful on the phone, so the FBI decided to become astroturfers, in order to recoup some of that $15 million
There is, by all guestimations, nothing useful on the iPhone. Much ado about nothing. But this is a gag article. It would be hilarious if true.
Confused readers have mistaken satire for reality!
No change there then.
Once again, low information readers leap to conclusions
Of course it’s satire. It’s still funny though.
It’s March 30th. He couldn’t have waited two days for April 1st?
… Then again, Andy pulls these gags regularly and is writing for a paper published weekly magazine. Never mind. 😉
Satire.
Isn’t Friday April fools day?
Thought it was The Onion. Nope. New Yorker.
There’s a difference????
It’s Andy Borowitz’s humor column. He does this several times a week.
I love The Onion……..wait……..WTF!?!?
He just tickled himself so much with his own joke he had to get it out even before April 1st. Must be fun at parties chuckling before getting to his punchline.
Welp, at least it is Manatee Appreciation Day.
I checked the date and its March 30. Is this writer full of shit or what? lol
It is clear that very few people here are familiar with the regular satirical column of the New Yorker, called “The Borrowitz Report”.
Regular readers usually anxiously await every next installment, as they often tend to be very witty and entertaining.
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report
Howdy Gang, SSG Mark Here, Interesting the FBI spills H20 on/in the phone after cracking it, isn’t it. Well, I’m being suspicious, and saying IT REALLY DIDN’T WORK, dropping the iPhone in water supports there position, no way to verify! Diabolical huh, wouldn’t you say! Its just too easy!
That would be just desserts if it were true.
This is a humor piece by the author. You should label it as such!
Cover up. No doubt about it. The FBI DID spill the water so that they would not have to reveal that there was NOTHING on that phone of value. Cover Up. They got the humorist to write that column to confuse the public – is it true or not true etc etc etc. Just like the have covered up the WTC 9/11 conspiracy, the JFK assassination, etc etc etc. Everything is a conspiracy. Everything. : )