Incensed over the $17,000 Apple Watch Edition? You must be poor

By SteveJack

Dear Great Unwashed,

The top-of-the-line Apple Watch Edition, in gorgeous 18-karat gold, rose or yellow, that Apple’s brilliant metallurgists have developed to be up to twice as hard as standard gold, with an stunning display protected by polished sapphire crystal and your choice of Modern Buckle band in either Bright Red or Rose Gray costs $17,000.00.

There was and there continues to be much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments on the Web over that price from people who are, to be blunt, too poor to afford such an exquisite timepiece. If you’re among the whining rabble, please stop! It’s unbecoming. Aren’t you embarrassed? In place of your so-called outrage, you might as well just type, “Hey, look at me! I’m too poor to afford such a watch.” Here’s a fact: If you’re outraged, you’re not in the Apple Watch Edition’s target market. You’re not even in the target’s market’s area code. And, very, very likely, you’re a disgruntled Android settler who can now finally see the writing on the wall. You need to shut up and accept your standing among the proles while you work to get into the Apple Watch Edition target market. Either way, Apple makes Apple Watches for you, too, and they start at only $349!

The Piaget Gouverneur watch retails for $51,500. Just looking at it in person will take your breath away. I’m serious. You’ll gasp for air. The Piaget Altiplano cufflinks that nicely complement the Gouverneur cost a mere $4,400. Yes, they’re quite stunning, too. So, where are the maudlin tweets of indignance directed at Piaget for not offering the hoi polloi an aluminum option with a rubber strap for a mere $349? I searched Twitter: Not a single tweet.

Most of those who will buy Apple Watch Edition units will barely glance at the price, if they even bother. That $17,000 might as well be 17-cents to them. These are monied people and, guess what, there are many, many, many of them around the world.

Apple is brilliant. These gorgeous 18-karat gold Apple Watch Editions will begin showing up on the wrists of celebrities, famous athletes, and captains of industry very soon. And they will influence the rest of the world to lust after Apple Watch, too. And, here’s more Apple brilliance, unlike a $51,500 Piaget watch, your average Joe and Jane Riffraff will actually be able to partake in the same exact user experience with the Apple Watch and Apple Watch Sport. Okay, so you put up with the aluminum or the stainless. Is that so bad? Listen, rabble, the point is that this thing is going to catch fire!

So, cut your undignified grousing. Stop worrying about the Apple Watch Edition that you oh-so-obviously can’t afford, upgrade that fragmandroid POS to a real iPhone, and start picking out the Apple Watch that you can afford because you’re not going to want to miss this. You’re going to want to be a part of this because this is going to be big! Very, very big!


SteveJack (future Apple Watch Sport owner and damn proud of it!)

SteveJack is a long-time Macintosh user, former web designer, multimedia producer and a regular contributor to the MacDailyNews Opinion section who also basically called the iPhone over five years before Steve Jobs unveiled it.

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    The fact that there is a market for the shit I just linked to above, why is a $17,000 watch such a surprise? At least Apple benefits from it directly.

    Yes, in the grand scheme of things, I’m poor. A watch costing more than a couple hundred dollars doesn’t make sense to me. *I don’t* understand the appeal of a diamond-studded iPhone or iPhone case that costs upwards of a million dollars, but people want it and will pay for it.

    I think it’s smart. There are people who will pay just to have the rose-gold watch, while you have the shitty sport band. Such is life.

  2. Someone needs to print a list of how much the rich pay for things like dresses and men’s suits, handbags and other fashion accessories, personal assistants, first class airplane rides, boats, jets, etc. just to put a gold AWatch in some context. It won’t placate the eat the rich crowd, just the opposite, in fact, but it should lend some understanding about Apple’s strategy here.

  3. To me, when they talked about the watch, there was an air of pretense that didn’t exist at other Apple events.
    You know, oh, we gave a watch to our pal, Christy Turlington so she could use it while training for a marathon in Africa.
    The thing about the expensive edition watch is that, yes, it does a lot more than a standard watch. But that’s also its problem. In 10 years, a Rolex will still have its value and perform the same way it has.
    Software will leave the  edition watch behind.

  4. Hey Stevejack,

    The world is not binary and there are more income categories than just poor and 1%. While shrinking there is still a middle class in this country and I suspect that you are part of it.

    Go easy on yourself buddy. You don’t need to call yourself poor just because you are buying an Apple Watch Sport. I am also a member of the middle class with a salary in the low six figures. The Edition is way out of my price range, and you don’t need to call me poor either.

  5. I have my eye on an Watch Sport, unless I don’t get around to it until it’s my birthday, then I want a Stainless Watch. The Watch edition will be out of my price range for the foreseeable future, and that’s okay. I’ve always been against spending money for the sake of demonstrating an ability to spend money.

  6. There is one VERY big difference.

    The Apple Watch is a technology product that most people, including those that can afford the Edition variant, will replace every couple of years.

    Classic timepieces that cost that much or more are meant to be long-term investments — something that will be used for decades. Not something that is meant to be (maybe has to be?) replaced every 12-24 months.

    Thus, the $10,000+ that Apple is asking for those models is ludicrous. Except for the ultra-wealthy that like wasting money, nobody in their right mind will buy one of these.

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