“Microsoft on Monday sent out invitations to a September 23 event at which it is expected to unveil new Surface tablets to challenge iPads and Android devices dominating the market,” AFP reports.
MacDailyNews Take: Big dumb monkey.
“The event to be held in New York comes as the US technology giant struggles to remain relevant as Internet age lifestyles shift from traditional computers to smartphones and tablets,” AFP reports. “Email invitations to the ‘Surface NYC event’ revealed little more than time and place details displayed over a graphic image of a Surface tablet and matching keyboard.”
MacDailyNews Take: Gee, a cryptic invite (however botched and non-cryptic it may be). How’d they think of that?
In related news, Microsoft plans to light a match 13 days after the next star goes supernova.
AFP reports, “Microsoft last month knocked $100 off the price of high-end versions of its Surface tablet, which is competing against Apple’s iPad.”
MacDailyNews Take: “Competing” in the same way Zune competed with iPod, only less so.
AFP reports, “The promotion came on the heels of shabby tablet sales that resulted in Microsoft taking a $900 million charge against fourth quarter earnings, which closed at the end of June.”
Read more in the full article here.
MacDailyNews Take: Rumors out of China say Ballmer will unveil the next-gen Surface tablet while simultaneously delivering the entire 2 million unit annual order directly into a Redmond landfill in order to eliminate all suspense, lock in another billion-dollar write-off for this tax year, and, by holding onto his onstage demo unit, create a one-of-a-kind eBay opportunity for himself in a quest to help fund his forced early “retirement.”
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Jubei” for the heads up.]
Related articles:
Microsoft employees recognize beleaguered company has lost its way – September 9, 2013
Beleaguered Microsoft’s heyday is far in the past; its future is slow, inexorable decline – September 13, 2013
All Microsoft employees should read Stephen Elop’s ‘Burning Platform’ memo right now – September 3, 2013
Microsoft shares drop on $7.2 billion Nokia phone deal – September 3, 2013
Buying Nokia does not help Microsoft become more like Apple – September 3, 2013
Beleaguered Nokia to sell handset business to Microsoft for $7.2 billion – September 3, 2013
Beleaguered Nokia reports lower-than-expected revenue, Needham downgrades – July 18, 2013
Microsoft and Nokia can’t hide from the very, very ugly truth: Windows Phone is failing miserably – July 18, 2013
Nokia’s Stephen Elop: The worst CEO of all time – June 28, 2013
Yeah… They’ll be announcing that the Surface will now be FREE! “How much would you expect to pay for this device? $400? $500? You get it absolutely free! But wait, there’s more! If you order now…”
Channeling Steve Ballmer introducing Windows 1.0!!!
steve ballmer made millions – no matter how you look at it
True that. Steve Ballmer is a success. He shepherded Microsoft through its last years, preserving its franchise software river of money.
No one expected that river to change course. Riprap on the Mississippi hadn’t been able to preserve New Orleans, either. Nor dikes in Holland, or breakwaters outside Venice or Kamaishi.
Global warming is happening, never mind the cause. Adapt or perish. Microsoft awoke from their bear-like hibernation briefly, alarmed by the sharp crack of the Ross Ice Shelf breaking off in Antarctica. They rolled over and went back to sleep.
Windows forever. The dream of an unwitting, dying, indolent giant.
Polar bears only live in the Arctic. Penguins only in the Antarctic
Darn! I always get that wrong. 🙁
It isn’t called global warming anymore. Its called climate change because, ya know, its the Earth isn’t warming anymore and hasn’t been for a decade. They like to adapt the myth to suit reality that, get this… climate CHANGES over time.
So I guess if I could get lucky enough and then be a complete f?ckup, I could make millions too.
It’s all about getting the right dorm room assignment. The true secret to success.
You beat me to that comment! That is the 100% entire reason Ballmer exists at MS.
We need a Tech movie version of “It’s a Wonderful Life” where we see Steve Ballmer contemplating suicide on the edge of a bridge, distraught that he’s getting ousted from Microsoft before he was ready to retire. An angel appears to him and we find out what Steve Ballmer’s life really would have been like when we go back in time and see his dorm assignment changed at the last minute by a hurried Harvard student housing staff member…
Being a salesman in the early days with Microsoft meant flogging the PC makers, where they had only one choice and their exclusive contract only let them ship Windows.
ANY salesman could have looked as good as Balmer … except he had that special relationship with Gates.
Microsoft was basically an accidental success. CPM became DOS and instead of IBM buying it, they let MS keep it and just licensed. Stupid dumb luck and Gates’ father’s great contract work and advice made MS.
In fact Gates’ father may have been the only reason MS controlled DOS.
Nice suit, Steve… nice suit. Pretty much epitomizes that “Used Car Salesman” look.
Wow, that was freaking funny. I didn’t realize he would have made a decent comedian if he had the material
But wait! They will send you a second Surface Tablet absolutely free. Just pay separate shipping and handling.
Why….. it’s over.
Hey man, how else are they gonna get rid of a warehouse full of Zurfaces?
Yeah, they’ll paint the ones that are unsold brown and call it a “Surface 2.”
trademark that name, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! You’ll make millions
damn that’s funny………”Zurfaces”. Like Peanut and Butter. Dumb and Shit.
I suspect Ballmer’s mostly been lighting that match to his substantial volumetric farts more than anything constructive to while away the hours until retirement. Human Blowtorch. Surface will take yet another dive in the Animal House tradition of “Thank you sir may I have another??!” “WHACK!”
I hipe there will be Free Myley Circus Tickets with HD Video of her Twerking available! Millions will line up! lol
It really isn’t clear what M$ plans to bring to the table. Their cupboards are bare… Perhaps M$ will introduce the new, lower power Intel Haswell processors for tablets?
Are they going to have a funeral?
Gosh you beat me to it. My phone rang as I was typing the same response! Considering how much MS has, it maybe one of the most expensive funerals in history….
Gamers, accountants, admins, lend me your ears! I come to bury Surface, not to praise it.
If they ripped off MacOS, why not Shakespear?
what’s wrong with those guys? nobody is buying their stuff so what’s the point
Two things,
1. Google is the enemy of Apple and has been for a few years now. Let’s all stop wasting our time bitching about MS. Google and their astro-turfers and paid bloggers have done as much, if not more damage than MS. They’re done. Put a fork in them.
2. I consolidated it into one point. Sorry, see above.
For a little while now, Microsoft has been the genial but creepy uncle that stared at you at family gatherings. Google has been the geeky cousin that pasted photos of you on his bedroom wall. I’ll take my chances with the uncle.
And Samsung is the ex-con that crawls in your window at night looking through your drawers – heh – for things it wants to steal…
Business is still buying their shit.
Really? Cornell University pushes Dells like there is no tomorrow, if you’re staff and bitch you’re not as productive using Windoz, the IT gives you shit and denies you anything but a Dell. Of course we have that new Bill & Melinda Gates Hall that the administration has to pay back in PC sales. Between being forced to use Dells running Windoz 7 or older running things that we are told work best in old Explorer apps or outdated Firefox versions, and forced to use wonky alumni built software like PeopleSoft and Workday to run the place, we can’t get anything done efficiently here.
Meanwhile George Fox University has gone 100% Apple, issuing new Macbooks to every incoming freshman.
Again Microsoft’s trying to break the iPad stranglehold on the iPad market.
Surfaces will be used as fold down food trays on airlines….
. . . because they have a kickstand!
Yeah, built into the seatbacks! 😀
Sounds like a plan. Hold an event and give away all the Surfaces they couldn’t sell lol
Maybe there will be a Bingo Contest to give away these shiny polished Turds. 🙂
Another turd floating to the Surface!
I’m gonna miss Ballmer.
If it runs Windows, forget it.
Well now that’s the problem isn’t it? At this point there is nothing remotely cool about Windows no matter what kind of sheepskin they cover it in. Dull and boring. And unnecessary.
Exactly Peter! No matter how long you polish a turd, it remains a turd.
Nothing like going out with a barely audible whimper.
But if something goes “splat” on the surface and no one is in the room, does it really make a sound?
I shall wait breathlessly.
Great idea.
If you wait breathlessly at least you won’t be able to smell the turd.
I’ll bet there are a lot of people just waiting for the final close-out of current M$ Surface Tablets; so they can root them and load a mini version of Linux on them. 🙂
I will be waiting with antici———————————-pation.
Oh Rocky!
Some really really ugly products !!!!
What happened to Zune !!!!
Ugly as S–T !!!!!!
So if Microsoft offers free concert tickets to entice people to show up at the opening of any Microsoft stores, I’d imagine that the media that will attend this event will be “rewarded” with their similar free gift… a ‘Surface RT’!
That’s right, FREE, and two for the price of one; and worth every cent! 🙂
Will the M$ stores close before Ballmer retires or soon after. I vote for after he retires.
Microsoft on Monday sent out invitations to a September 23 event at which it is expected to unveil new Surface tablets to challenge BWAHAHAHAHA!
“Challenge”. I’m going to wet my pants.
For the sake of my laundry bill, I’ll be off the planet that day. Have fun Microsoft.
😆 😆 😆
So you’re saying that you didn’t receive an invitation from them, to that Sept. 23 event? I’m a bit shocked they didn’t honour your wise counsel over the years. They also didn’t extend me one. Perhaps I had better abstained from posting vicious attacks on their neglect of problems with the registry, hair-pulling issues with device drivers, buying up and killing database solutions, the rape of Bungie, and half a dozen other bones I’ve picked with them over the years.
HAHAHAHA! Microsoft know I love them. 😆 kidding!
You guys are nothing but SAD ASSED Sorry hopless Fan Boys!!! I own a Surface RT 64 GB and it is EQUAL to and in some respects better than my Apple IPad third gen and IPad mini. I also own A Google Nexus 7 and it is a GREAT tablet as well. All of my units be it from Apple/Google/Microsoft have their plus’s and Minus’s…MAN I HATE FANBOY ISM!!!
If you can’t tell the difference between an iPad, an Android tablet and a Windows tablet you had better give away your firearms.
I can see you shooting yourself next time you try to make a cell phone call.
Remember the M$ & Android Corollary to Murphy’s Law: If you make something that any fool can use, only fools will use it. 🙂
Therein lies the genius: there is a never-ending supply of fools. 🙂
Balmer’s Law
Technology at MicroSoft (M$) is managed by those who don’t understand the product. Impress the stockholders by describing future innovative products (VaporWare) currently in Research & Development phase. Blind the stockholders with brilliance, or baffle them with nonsensical jargon, whichever works. Get everyone really worked up by jumping up and down, screaming motivational nonsense, and sticking your tongue out. If there is a way for a product to fail, it will. Flaws will be promoted as innovative features. If you make a product any fool can use; only fools will use it. A product can be made fool proof; but it can’t be made idiot proof. If a product doesn’t sell, give them away to schools, for good Public Relations. Retire and cash in your stock before the company fails completely and goes bankrupt.
And don’t understand the products they are competing against because everyone from Balmer’s kids to employees aren’t allowed to have the device in their possession.
This just in…blackout dates have been issued for all Microsoft Store employees effective September 23rd and 24th, 1995.