Jason Schwarz: Top 10 reasons why Microsoft’s Surface is DOA

Writing for Seeking Alpha, Jason Schwarz, author of Economic Weather Station, gives his top 10 reasons why Microsoft’s Surface is Dead On Arrival:

10. The Surface is a bad laptop
09. The Surface is an inferior tablet
08. Price; good luck selling any of these things for over $499
07. Lost in a sea of Android
06. What happens when Apple releases a $249 iPad mini?
05. The future is voice, not keyboard
04. Surface is a stupid name; Apple iPad’s perfectly integrated touch iOS/iPad is actually more like a surface than the Surface
03. Memories of Zune. How can anybody trust Microsoft after the Zune fiasco?
02. Microsoft brand has lost its cool factor

MacDailyNews Take: The Microsoft brand had a cool factor?

01. Steve Ballmer: The only explanation for Ballmer still being the CEO of Microsoft is that he must have photos on Bill Gates; I can’t come up with any other rational explanation

Read more in the full article here.

MacDailyNews Take: As we wrote back on April 24, 2008:

Delusional, mouth-powered-bulb-lighting, one-lucky-dorm-assignment, coattail-riding, monkey-boy-dancing, tongue-flapping, unqualified, bad-decision-making, crazy-ass… May he stay Microsoft’s CEO for as long as it takes!

Steve Ballmer, aka Ballmer T. Clown, aka Uncle Fester

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “JayinDC” for the heads up.]

Related articles:
Why I love Microsoft’s vaporware Surface tablet – June 22, 2012
Microsoft’s Surface tablet said to be Wi-Fi only at launch; no 4G, no 3G, no 2G, not even 1G – June 22, 2012
Microsoft outsources Surface assembly to Pegatron; prices above $799 for Windows 8, above $599 for Windows RT expected – June 21, 2012
Acer founder: Microsoft will quit making tablets soon – June 21, 2012
Devastating video shows Microsoft’s Surface event aping Steve Jobs’ iPad unveiling (with video) – June 20, 2012
Thanks to Apple, Microsoft is doomed in the era of mobile computing – June 20, 2012
Why wouldn’t Microsoft let anyone touch its Surface tablets’ keyboard cover? – June 20, 2012
The cost of Microsoft’s Surface tablets – June 20, 2012
Apple’s revolutionary iPad vs. Microsoft’s anti-tablet ‘Surface’ – June 20, 2012
Microsoft’s Surface tablets provokes ‘sense of betrayal’ among Windows PC assemblers – June 20, 2012
Fox News: Copier Microsoft is doomed to fail with Surface tablet – June 19, 2012
Microsoft’s Surface tablet destined to be as successful as the Zune – June 19, 2012
Surface: Why Microsoft’s big mystery turns out to be a big mistake – June 19, 2012
Microsoft’s Suicide, er… ‘Surface’ – June 19, 2012
ZDNet Sr. Tech Editor Perlow: Microsoft’s Surface has catastrophe written all over it – June 19, 2012
Microsoft previews own ‘Surface’ tablet – June 18, 2012
Microsoft touts ‘major’ June 18 event said to showcase Windows RT tablets – June 15, 2012
ZDNet’s Kingsley-Hughes: Microsoft’s Windows 8 is an awful, horrible, painful design disaster – June 8, 2012
Analyst meets with big computer maker, finds ‘general lack of enthusiasm’ for Windows 8 – June 8, 2012
Dvorak: Windows 8 an unmitigated disaster; unusable and annoying; it makes your teeth itch – June 3, 2012
The Guardian: Microsoft’s Windows 8 is confusing as hell; an appalling user experience – March 5, 2012
More good news for Apple: Microsoft previews Windows 8 (with video) – June 1, 2011

51 Comments

  1. Microsoft hasn’t done anything of note in the past decade, if not longer, why would Surface be anything else but a failure?
    They claim that Xbox is a success but it will be years before they show a profit on it, if ever. Ballmer will probable screw with Xbox and replace it with an other failure, before it gets in the green, after all Fing-up is what monkey boy does best.

  2. I have no idea if the Surface will be a success but MDN is running enough stories about the thing I’m beginning to think they are worried about it!

    1. It’s not like MDN writes these stories, they just aggregate them. I think they’re just having as much fun watching Microsoft implode on its self as the rest of us (well most of us) are.

    2. You’re “beginning to think MDN is worried about it”? Oh god, that is one sad attempt to puff up the Surface.

      If you want to know why MDN keeps aggregating stories about it, look up the word schadenfreude.

  3. Your picture of Ballmer T. Clown is priceless! Now, go find a picture of “Uncle Fester” from the old “Addams Family” TV show and see if they weren’t “separated at birth”!

  4. Isn’t life a bitch?
    It seems so unfair.
     here on the the ground,
    The Clown in midair.
    Send in the clown, there’s got to be clowns,
    Ballmer T. Clown,
    Don’t bother, he’s here.

    Isn’t it a bitch?
    Don’t you approve?
     keeps tearin’ up your ass,
    Monkeyboy can’t move.
    Making his entrance again,
    With his simian flair.
    Sure of waiting lines,
    No one is there.

    Don’t you hate old farts?
    Ballmer’s fault, I fear.
    “I thought you’d want what I want”
    Sorry, my dear.
    But where is the clown?
    Ballmer T. Clown,
    Don’t bother, he’s here.

    Isn’t it a bitch?
    Isn’t it queer?
    Losing your market this late,
    In your career.
    And where is the Zune?
    And where’s The Sewerface?
    In the vaporware stratosphere.

    Send in the Clown,
    Ballmer T Clown,
    Don’t bother,
    I’mgonnagolistentoSondheimonmyiPad,
    AND DRINK ME…
    A BEER!

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