Microsoft has announced the grand opening celebration of their latest failure, the Microsoft Store, scheduled for October 22 at 10am local time in Scottsdale Fashion Square in Scottsdale, Arizona.
In ads placed in local print newspapers, Microsoft implores would-be celebrants to “Be early” because “Opening day gift bags and concert tickets will be given away at the Microsoft Store beginning at 10am. Gift bags will be given to the first 1,000 visitors.”
MacDailyNews Take: “1,000” is evidently a totally random number based exactly on how many t-shirts Apples has been giving away at their 250+ retail store grand openings for the past 8 and a half years.
Microsoft’s ads continue to tempt: “Concert tickets will be given to the first 1,000 visitors (limit 2 per person) and post concert autographs for the first 100 visitors.
MacDailyNews Take: Knowing Microsoft, it’ll probably be tickets to Ashley Tisdale or something.
Microsoft’s full page ads aren’t done yet as they implore: “Be excited Walk into the Microsoft Store and you’ll find lots of choices. Right away, you’ll see that it’s not all about hard drives and gigabytes.”
No, according to Microsoft, “Its about getting more out of the things you value, like capturing family vacations. Turning an evening at home into a night at the theater. Having some friendly competition among friends. Even making a dorm room feel a little closer to home.
MacDailyNews Take: Obviously, Microsoft intends on playing an infinite loop of classic Apple ads from throughout the years.
Microsoft’s ad, like most of Microsoft products, continues with unabating verbiage, “From computers to software to games, music and phones, once you’ve found what you’re looking for, the Microsoft Store offers services like personal training, technical support, ongoing performance tune-ups even extended protection plans to help you get the most out of your experience.
MacDailyNews Take: So, Microsoft intends to offer personal training for Macs, iLife, Tap Tap Revenge for iPod touch, iPods, and iPhones? As far as technical support and ongoing tuneups for Microosoft products, we hope they have a lot of staff on-hand. And, by the way, extended protection plans are very highly recommended, especially if you’re dead set on an Xbox, you red-ringer, you.
Microsoft says, “It all starts Thursday at our Grand Opening. We’ll see you there.”
Oh, wait, there’s even more, the ad also commands readers to “Be entertained. Pop superstar Ashley Tisdale will be performing live at 5pm to celebrate the Grand Opening of the store on Thursday, October 22.”
MacDailyNews Take: Smirk.
You know, it’s a good thing that physical newspapers are dying or Microsoft would have even more pages upon which to run on and on and on. Finally they close with, “Be first The world’s first Microsoft Store is opening in Scottsdale. And you’re invited. Come celebrate with live music, giveaways and special Grand Opening Day offers, like: A free HP-D 1660 printer with the purchase of any PC; Free Microsoft Office Home & Student with the purchase of any PC. Best of all, you get to be part of an incredible new shopping experience, right in your own backyard.”
MacDailyNews Take: Already, from day one, they’re trying to bribe people to get them into the store.
Gizmodo has scans of the ad as seen in The Arizona Republic here.
MacDailyNews Take: Yet another fiasco from Ballmer T. Clown and Co.
Why do Apple and MS like hiring silly performers ?
Hahahahahahahaha! What pathetic losers the MS dunces are!
Typical Microsoft: Over-explain/Under-deliver
Sounds about as lame as the Vista parties they’re pushing.
Have the lines started yet?
Hey,
Free concert tickets and a free autograph. I would go. get the tickets, leave. and go to the concert.
Just a thought.
en
What a bunch of idiots, Apple didn’t have their store openings during the week around 6pm for nothing. It’s called free advertising through the news media. Saturday at 10am? Most of the news media is gone for the weekend, duh
“I give them two years before they’re turning out the lights on a very painful and expensive mistake,” says Goldstein.
look guys, if the MS store has free and good tech support it will be a big hit. really.
because of course:
– you really really need tech support for Windows!
– Best Buy and all the rest rip you off to get it now.
but being able to play with computers and get free help will certainly be popular. it won’t “fail”.
unless of course, if MS “monetizes” the tech support …
I guess that failed Microsoft store in San Francisco doesn’t count.
Concert of what?
Doomed to fail!
1st 1000 customers will be given a kick in the groin and a poke in the eye.
2nd 1000 customers will be given a free Windows 7 (Basic) box.
3rd 1000 customers will be given two free Windows boxes.
I can’t imagine an “ElderNorm” wanting to go to a Pop superstar Ashley Tisdale concert.
“it’s a good thing that physical newspapers are dying”
Not so good for MDN, as that’s where they get many of the stories for their web site that allows them to sell ads.
It cost a lot more to actually produce stories than to just smirk at them.
Who’s Ashley Tisdale?
Both people in line will be really glad that the got a t-shirt.
Hope those gurus get issued kevlar
Any Mac users going to the store and asking
-“Why don’t you have any of those computers that run both operating systems?”
I was expecting the Rutles
Oooh, and with no pictures circulating anywhere – it looks like the world will be wowed in good Apple style when they make their final surprise of the store’s reveal – can’t wait for it! So exciting! NOT!
Microsoft’s overuse of the word “experience” makes me shiver every time I hear it.
Figures. Some fad-of-the-moment teenybopper fave for the concert as opposed to a songwriting artist or band who actually know how to play instruments. Maybe she can write with Songsmith, though?
@Anonymous©
The Ruttles rules!
I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Apple Grand Opening Ad in the News Paper or one TV.
All Prices of goods and Services in the Microsoft is Priced in Microsoft Points. (Current Microsoft Point to US Dollar exchange rate is 80 point = $1.00. Microsoft Points are only sold in blocks of 100 points)
Microsoft Store will be an epic fail = Zune “as in a pile of hot fresh oozing Zune”
The Dweeb Bar* will need to charge Windows User Losers it screws over with bad help and incorrect advise just to pay for the space rental fees. If you have a Microsoft Support Contract already they’ll be charging an in person fee.
Please insert your Credit Card in the Dweeb Bar Payment slot and accept the 899 points/min fee** to the card before continuing.
* Dweeb Bar assistance is not guaranteed. Custom excepts all liability for using advise or help provided by the Dweeb Bar Dweeb.
** minimum fees apply.
(Minimum fees are for 10 dweeb Min. @ 899 points/min = 8990 points + State & Local Sales Taxes + 50% dweeb gratuity + 35% Ballmer Hair Plug Fundraising Fee + 15% Biohazard clean-up recovery fee (for cleaning up dweeb spittle***) + a 13.5% Windows Vista Development cost recovery fee + 9.32% Bing Traffic offset fee + 7.1% Surplus Zune HD disposal fee + 5.8% Xbox 360 RRD replacement/repair program cost recovery fee + 4.99% Cash to Microsoft Points conversion fee)
*** Microsoft Dweeb Spittle Shields are available for rental or purchase at an additional cost.