Dan Lyons continues harping on ‘health issue’ as Newsweek names Steve Jobs to ‘Global Elite’ list

“For two years I wrote a satirical blog under the persona of Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs, and one of the recurring themes was that Jobs is not actually human but in fact is a demigod, the offspring of Zeus and a mortal woman, an immortal figure who uses his extraordinary powers to restore a sense of childlike wonder to the world by creating magical consumer-electronics products like the iPod and iPhone. This is, after all, a CEO who inspires a frightening level of adoration from Apple fanatics. These people think nothing of camping out overnight in freezing cold weather just to attend one of his speeches,” Daniel Lyons writes for Newsweek (Jobs is #34 on Newsweek’s list of “The Global Elite”).

MacDailyNews Take: In addition to being a former fake CEO, Lyons’ was, is, and likely will continue to be, a genuine orifice.

Lyons continues, “No other chief executive is so inextricably linked to his company’s brand and products. As one Wall Street analyst put it this year, ‘Apple is Steve Jobs, and Steve Jobs is Apple.'”

MacDailyNews Take: We sometimes wonder if Wall Street “analysts” are actually there to “analyze” companies’ performance or to attempt to move the stock price up or down for their clients. Looking at their records, some Wall Street analysts would fare better if they were analyzing the actual street vs. Apple Inc. By finding and filling potholes, at least they’d be doing something productive.

Lyons continues, “Alas, however, Jobs is all too human, as became evident in June when he appeared at an Apple conference looking frail and gaunt, causing Apple watchers to worry that perhaps Jobs had suffered a recurrence of the pancreatic cancer for which he underwent surgery four years ago… Jobs looks a lot older than his 53 years, and even before he pulled out of Macworld, much of the buzz about Apple was focused on who might succeed him as chief executive.”

MacDailyNews Take: Blah, blah, blah, Lyons’ schtick ran out years ago. Lately, he’s given up “humor” to become a full-time ghoul. Newsweek doesn’t seem to have figured it out or perhaps they don’t even care (at this point, the thing is down to like an average of 12 pages in print).

Full article – Think before You Click™here.

MacDailyNews Take: “If Jobso is still running Apple at year-end, I’ll be shocked.” – Dan Lyons, July 03, 2008.

You’re running out of time, Danny Boy. We only wish that Lyons was being literal and that it involved significant voltage. Maybe that would help knock some common decency into him.


  1. This just in from the future blog….

    Dan Lyons died today from a fatal case of “Hoof and Mouth” disease. His favorite target of “health concerns”, Steve Jobs announced today that he will be retiring from Apple at the age of 96, as he wants to spend some family time with his great grand kids.

    Mr. Jobs said, “You know how much energy these kids have today and, well while I am in great health, I just do not have the energy that I used to when I was 85… ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”grin” style=”border:0;” />

    Just a future thought. ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”grin” style=”border:0;” />


  2. Then there’s always the chance that Jobs might pull a Yeltsin, come New Year’s day. For those with short memory, Yeltsin pulled a stunt on 1 Jan 2000, announcing his retirement and Putin as replacement.

    We simply cannot tell if Jobs was to do this or not. In reality, it isn’t likely. Unless there are some health reasons that would really compell him do do this (very unlikely), he’ll prefer to stay, if nothing then at least until economy begins to show signs of recovery. Bear in mind, he’ll probably have to exercise his stock options before leaving the company, and he’d probably want the stock to recover from the two-year low where it’s now before he is forced to cash out.

  3. Mostly, this article was simply boring. I could have written it in my sleep. What was bad was the subhead:

    “The ailing creator of the iPod and iPhone is next to irreplaceable.”

    Nowhere in the article does he reveal any current info regarding the current state of Steve Jobs supposedly “ailing” health.

    Just terrible journalism.

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