“In two short months, Apple’s Macintosh will turn 25 years old. My, how tempus doth fugit,” Rik Myslewski writes for The Register.
“To mark the awesome inevitability of January 24, 2009 following January 24, 1984 after exactly one quarter-century, tech pundits will bloviate, Apple-bashers will execrate, and Jobsian fanboyz will venerate the munificence that flows unabated from The Great Steve. The din will be deafening,” Myslewski writes. “To avoid the crowds, we at The Reg decided to go first.”
“Follow along as we run the rule over Apple Inc. (née Apple Computer, Inc.). We’ll examine how the company has transformed itself in recent years, how its products stack up against the rest, and what lurks beneath its outward display of iconic style, forward-looking rectitude, and edgy innovation,” Myslewski writes.
“We’ll also give Apple its report card, slicing and dicing the 25-five-year operation into bite-sized letter grades. Just so you can easily tell your friends. Our goal is a noble one: To arm you, dear reader, against the slings and arrows of outrageous commentary that will assault you from all corners come January,” Myslewski writes. “Don’t say we didn’t warn you.”
The Register covers:
• The Rise and Fall and Rise of Steve (Steve I Era: B+)
• The worst public presentation ever given by a sentient being… (No Steve Era: D-)
• The ‘Very Painful and Expensive Mistake’ (Jobsian Head Growth: A)
• The Apple Matterhorn (Jobsian Dough Growth: A-)
• The iPod Blankets Western World and Super Bowl (Walkman-Killer Growth: A)
• iTunes and the Halo Effect (Jobsian Other Growth: A-)
Myslewski offers a final thought, “Although the world economy is swiftly flushing itself down the crapper, Apple’s impressive $25bn in cash reserves will help it weather the reduced consumer and business spending during the expanding fiscal hideousness. When the current economic tsunami finally recedes, Apple should be in a far better position than many of its washed-out-to-sea competitors, especially in the music-download and smartphone spheres.”
Full article here.
Snappiness = A+
Fun to read!
I believe that the Mac nano and MacBook nano will be released on this date. I have my sources.
So writing this stuff first in some way makes them superior to those who follow? Some might say that by so doing they were at the very forefront of the din that so turns their nose. Perhaps they doth protest a little too much to take seriously or at least to hide their embarassment.
I’ve had a sort-of-love, mostly-hate relationship with The Register. Humor is fun. But consistently calling the iPhone the ‘Jesus Phone’ over and over and over and over gets me to wondering if maybe they have an attitude problem. So I kind-of don’t care about their article.
The Register is a sad little rag, with very poor quality control and even less credibility.
It can’t afford a copy editor and can’t afford to turn on its spell checker — and I’m not referring to British vs. U.S. spelling. I’m referring to its thousands of clanging klinkers.
Why anyone would give credence to its opinion when it’s being run by dyslexic 16-year-olds is beyond me.
25 billion dollars in reserves, eh? Apple could single handedly bail out the auto industry.
What’s funny is that the Register consistently bashes Apple every chance possible but when making an honest appraisal of the company, they have to grudgingly admit that Apple is doing quite well, thank you very much.
Especially compared to just about anyone else in the electronics/computer industry.
The two most interesting charts are “Sales By Product Line” where you can see that everything took off in 2004 when Panther came out, and “Unit Sales By Product Line” where you can see that the iPhone’s growth curve will NOT be the same as the iPod’s. It’s going to be much more explosive much earlier in its life cycle.
The trend line for the Mac in the “Unit Sales By Product Line” is inexorable and inevitable. Check out from ’05 on when the announcement of Intel chips occurs, then ’06 when the first Intel Macs show up, and then ’07. Apple is going to continue to make money hand over fist.
One more killer product (whatever it is) would push them into the stratosphere.
Viva la Mac! Happy 25th anniversary!
Peace.
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Olmecmystic
I am a huge fan of El Reg. Any news source that does not take things too seriously is for me.
Sure they bag on Apple, but they bag on everyone.
Does the report card come in Matte as well as Glossy?
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The Register used to ‘bite the hand that feeds IT’. Sure it was irreverent towards Apple, but not abusive or hysterical. As Apple has emerged as a consumer (not IT) leader, the vulture has revealed itself as an unsuspected mediocrity. Now we mostly read irrational, resentful attacks devoid of the former humor.
Call me uneducated, but just reading the MDN synopsis sent me to the Mac’s dictionary several times – bloviate (no entries found), execrate (feel or express great loathing for), munificence (larger or more generous than is usual or necessary), rectitude (morally correct behavior or thinking; righteousness).
I wonder if Myslewski had the convenience of the Mac dictionary at his disposal while composing the article.
Most educated Brits like to keep medieval words in circulation.
It’s done to remind Americans who evolved the language 60% of Americans speak.
I have a feeling we won’t like ‘Part Two – The Jobsian Cult’
Ambagious sesquipedalian circumlocutory is always in style.
Windows is the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ironic- All those colorful charts graphing Apple’s success… done with Microsoft Excel.