By SteveJack
Microsoft began the next phase of their $300 million Windows Vista resuscitation campaign with three new TV ads on Thursday night.
Microsoft’s first ad begins with a poor imitation of John Hodgman, who plays the “PC” in Apple’s “Get a Mac” ads. This is actually quite appropriate for a company whose main product, Windows, and whose biggest current failure, Zune, are themselves poor imitations of Apple creations.
Microsoft’s fake Hodgman claims, “Hello, I’m a PC, and I’ve been made into a stereotype.” Somehow, Microsoft seems to have failed to notice that they are reinforcing said claimed sterotype by using an imitation Hodgman to headline their commercials. Sometimes, the cluelessness astounds.
The ad then segues into a montage of many different people from many walks of life who each claim, “I’m a PC,” too. Microsoft seems confused about what they’re selling: they are supposed to be selling “Windows,” not “PCs.” Microsoft doesn’t even make PCs. HP makes “PCs,” though. And HP, like Microsoft, is currently busy trying to hide Windows, too, by applying lipstick to the Vista pig while exploring the possibility of creating their own OS without Microsoft.
At the end of the ad, finally, Microsoft gets around to showing the Windows logo with the hypocritical and insanely stupid tag line text, “Windows. Life Without Walls.” Hypocritical, because Microsoft’s entire business is based on trapping people within Windows to the point where they come to believe that they cannot ever hope to escape. (Windows users: You really can escape and it’s way easier than you might think.) Insanely stupid, because, if you’re living a “Life Without Walls,” then you obviously have no need for Windows. Duh. Great ad agency you have there, Microsoft. Who the hell gave final approval for that tag line? Oh, yeah, Ballmer. It all makes sense now.
Shameless mug plug: In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows? (Get one today – it’s an especially great gift for IT guys!)
Here’s Microsoft’s first ad:
Deepak Chopra: “I’m a PC and a human being. Not a human doing. Not a human thinking. A human being.” Presumably, he just sits on the couch all day staring at a blank wall while eating chips. Paint chips. Lead-based. Listen, we already know that you’re not thinking Deepak, you fraud, or you’d be using a Mac. It’s typical that vapid Hollywood types – and Microsoft – would eat up that sort of meaningless tripe.
Microsoft’s other two ads also do their damnedest to show a bunch of people claiming to be personal computers, too:
I’m a PC, but I used a Mac to make these fruitless commercials.” (“Fruitless,” get it?)
Anyway, if Microsoft’s goal was to convince people that it’s okay to use PCs, then the ads are almost passable. I say “almost” because the overriding message highlighted right upfront by fake Hodgman is that Microsoft is yet again weakly copying Apple and also because there’s a very real risk that the average viewer might end up wondering, “Hey, if Microsoft’s so worked up about responding to Apple’s Mac ads, then maybe I should stop into my neighborhood Apple Store to see what all the fuss is about before I buy my next PC?” Or maybe, “Why don’t they mention that Windows Vista I keep hearing bad things about?” Or even, “Boy, Microsoft sure seems confused.”
That Microsoft runs the very real risk of driving even more people to Macs obliterates their muddled message that “a ton of people all made the very same mistake, but since we all don’t know any better, it’s okay to smile blissfully and proclaim our use of inferior personal computers,” uh, I mean, “it’s ok to be a PC even though Apple makes fun of us and we’ve never even touched a Mac so we have no earthly idea what we’re missing.” Uh, well, you know what I’m saying. Microsoft’s real goal is simply to keep the sheep in the pen.
So far, Microsoft’s $300 million ad campaign has, like a Windows PC, a lot of disparate parts that don’t really work very well – or at all – together. None of what I’ve seen so far seems to have resulted in the sale of a single copy of Windows Vista, but Microsoft’s floundering about may well have helped Apple sell even more new Macs.
And now, to cleanse the palate, here’s a real image ad:
SteveJack is a long-time Macintosh user, web designer, multimedia producer and a regular contributor to the MacDailyNews Opinion section.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Readers too numerous to mention for the heads up.]
O c’mon! we know you’re PeeC. But do you know what mac really is!! I used to be on PeeC and Thanks God I’m lucky enough to meet Apple. And look at me….. “I am so happy since then.”
MDN, you crack me up. If you were a really hot woman without baggage and emotional issues, and mild snoring didn’t bother you … I would marry you.
HELP!!!
I’m PC!!!!
I think the shark cage dude sums up the whole campaign, “I’m a PC, and I’m kinda scared.”
There are apparently very many that do not know about the “I’m a…” ads OR don’t get it. VERY many.
Hopefully, starting to understand, if you believe the latest Apple market stats.
But, I wonder what those that haven’t seen or understood the Mac ads think about these Pissy ads.
What can you think? “This is Sesame Street a tad over-redundant?” “Okay, I get it, (whatever it is) I don’t need THREE ads unless you think I’m a lemming moron.” etc
“I’m a PC and that means I get more choice than the best three desktops and the best three laptops.”
That is so lame. It makes the Gates/Seinfeld ads look good.
There is no denying that a lot of people with different backgrounds use “PC’s” instead of Macs. Why point out something that is obvious. So because these people use Windows (who are mostly NOT like me), you should also use Windows. Go with the herd – don’t switch to Mac. Is that the message?
This just reinforces Apple’s message in its ads, that Macs are better than Windows PC’s. It is apparent that Microsoft can’t bring itself to claim that Windows PCs are better than Macs, because no one would believe it.
Instead, it’s – You should use a Windows PC because other people use it.
I think what they’re really trying to say is, “I’m a pussy!”
A Window is a clear wall isn’t it? It is worse than a wall cause you can see out of it and see a better thing….but you cannot reach that……because the window is blocking it……..
I just love the fact that they hired Deepak Chopra for these ads. That guy is the biggest bag of hot air in the “motivational speaker” racket. He’s never said anything substantive in his life.
-jcr
yeah, these ads are to keep the sheep herded. They basically are saying ” please quit leaving our horrid platform in droves.”
Crap begats crap, I think that is how the old testiment would work it.
This tactic is so bad I couldn’t watch any of the above to the end. It’s truly getting worse. Can’t they do anything right?
Maybe someone above already stated this, but here is the problems with these ads:
They obviously start with the premise that we’ve all seen the, “I’m a PC, and I’m a Mac” commercials. But the Hodgeman and Long characters in those commercials represent computers. They are not acting as humans. These MS commercials ridiculously get people to say that they are a PC. What? How stupid is that? Would any self-respecting person really want to demean themselves by equating themselves with a piece of hardware. I am not a PC or a Mac. I USE a Mac because it beats the sh!t out of using a PC all day. I’m pretty sure that they got all those people to say they are PCs by promising them a MacBook.
At least the Seinfeld ads were fun to make fun of as possibly the worst Microsoft ads ever made. I happily grabbed them for future generations to make fun of.
But these are just plain dull.
Where’s ‘Yawn’ when you need him?
Come on ‘Yawn’. All is forgiven. Come back and tell us how great these new ads are so we can make fun of YOU some more. Liven up our day, dear little turd troll.
Yawn.
Where are these, “anti-Apple talking point around the blogosphere”?
In a few days, it will be on to Phase Three of the TV ad campaign. If Microsoft tries enough different approaches, they might actually find one that isn’t totally lame.
this is so pathetic it’s actually amusing
so , not only do they copy our os , now they’re copying our ads ?
steve jobs must be laughing his balls off at this crap
he’ll have a field day at mac expo , in fact ms really deserve all the derision they’ll be getting over this desperate pitiful garbage
it’s like a mac fan making a parody of the mac ads ( tongue in cheek and still saying pc’s suck ) , but m$ funded it !!!
bizzare
These ads are better than the Seinfeld ones, good work Microsoft. However, that’s a bit like saying Ming the Merciless was better than Hitler. Still no clue about what they’re selling.
as ken1w stated , why don’t they do pc’s are better than macs ads ?
so more people use pcs , i never knew that !!
selling more doesn’t mean you’re better
abba outsold bob dylan but nobody would claim abba have made a bigger contribution to popular culture , they just make more dough
a bit like m$
buy our stuff , cos everyone else does and being a mindless sheep really IS cool after all
oh and uncle fester will be out of a job if m$ goes bellyup and he’ll end up selling cars again or washing machines or fountain pens or something more suited to the moronic ape
These are incredibly defensive Ads. I smell fear…….
Maybe what Microsoft have to do is take a clue from the trolls they pay to hang around site like this and sadistically abuse people. Here is what they should do for Phase 3 of their $300,000,000 Vista iron lung campaign:
“Hi! I’m a Mac. And I SUCK.”
“I cost more than a PC.
“The only reason I don’t have loads of viruses like Windows is because the Mac platform is OBSCURE and no one wants to bother. But just wait. The Mac is going to be DELUGED with viruses any day now.
“I’ve been stealing ideas from Microsoft for years.
“Steve Jobs is so scrawny looking because HE’S GONNA DIE! So dump all your stock holdings in Apple NOW!
“I don’t have ANY enterprise hardware! Mac OS X Server is too lame to work as an enterprise server! I am so weak and puny! I’m anorexic because all I know how to do is look elegant and futuristic.
“I don’t have ANY games. I also don’t have ANY applications. I don’t have ANY free solitaire game when you buy me!
“I am so slow. Vista can run rings around me.
“I’ve had 64 bit hardware and a 64 bit operating system since 2003. But NO ONE CARES!
“Some women are said to have peepee envy. Well I have peecee envy! Why wasn’t I born a PC! Everyone knows IBM invented the PC, right! Why didn’t IBM invent me?! If only I had DOS as my underpinnings. Why can’t I have a kewl inventor like Bill Gates? He knows EVERYTHING! I hang on his every prophetic breath. He’s such a charitable guy! He gave away millions of copies of Windows last year!
“And here I am with all this Open Source software added to my operating system. Now that I think about it, my core operating system IS OPEN SOURCE! That means anyone can figure out how to break into me and turn me into a zombie computer! Like Bill Gates said:
” “Nowadays, security guys break the Mac every single day. Every single day, they come out with a total exploit, your machine can be taken over totally. I dare anybody to do that once a month on the Windows machine.” “
“I am so lame and pathetic! No wonder I have such meagre market share! Please don’t buy me! I don’t want you to be ashamed of having me.”
blahblahblahblah
Feel free to post your own favorite lies, insults, FUD and myths.
Hey! After all. Lies, insults, FUD and myths are keeping John McNovaCain and that polar bear killer lady neck and neck with Obama and Biden! Why wouldn’t it work for Microsoft!
it gets better
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&articleId=9115120&intsrc=hm_list
“Microsoft’s ‘I’m a PC’ ad images made on Macs”
OUCH !!!!
“looking at this objectively (as opposed to having my mac blinders on), i would say these are very good commercials and will be successful for Microsoft.”
It stands to reason that you would be impressed by this garbage. They are idiotic and annoying, much like yourself.
Well… 1000% better than the ads about nothing. If you’re in the “I hate Apple people camp” you’ll feel better about using a PC.
Me… I use Windows (sometimes) but not a PC.
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OTOH, it shows, once again, that MS is so clueless and unfocused that it has no real benefit to convey or advertise.
You can knock I’m a Mac, I’m a PC, but each ad actually tries to convey a real advantage.
What I most get out of MS’ advertising is just how great Apple’s ads are. Mac v. PC is cute, funny, conveys actual product benefits AND as SJ pointed out, portrays PC as the more loveable (if hapless) guy.
The REALLY telling thing is that MS doesn’t spend one dollar on TV touting any benefits of this OS they’re trying to force on the world. Mojave just tells us that Vista is so unadopted that tons of people can’t even recognize it.
Well at least the ads about nothing are gone. I felt embarrassed for Jerry & Bill.
Windows. Life Without Walls. And you’ll see why no one remembers “1984”.
(and flappo, lay off ABBA!)
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“Microsoft’s ‘I’m a PC’ ad images made on Macs”
Oh yes they do!