“Do you remember last summer’s iPhone hysteria, when hordes of nitwits camped out for days on sidewalks outside Apple Stores so they could be first to purchase an overpriced, underperforming smart phone? At first I found the spectacle kind of funny, but then I found it depressing. Those people weren’t camping out for the phone. They were making a statement about who they are. I’m sure that makes Steve Jobs and his marketing minions happy, but there’s a whiff of sadness to the whole thing,” Daniel “Fake Steve Jobs” Lyons wrotes for Forbes.
Lyons asks, “How empty must your life be to drive you to seek meaning from consumer electronics?”
MacDailyNews Take: We actually know people who have friends that go to these lines with them, Dan. People also meet other people with similar interests in these lines all the time, Dan. Think of it like camping out, only on a sidewalk instead of the woods. It’s a party. Why do you think camping out and partying with friends is sad, Dan, you royal asshole?
Lyons continues, “We’re about to witness the ugliness all over again. By the time you read this, Apple should have announced the second-generation iPhone at its Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco on June 9. Once again idiots will be camping out on sidewalks.”
MacDailyNews Take: By the way, how empty must your life be to drive you to pretend you’re a major CEO who posts diary entries online? Did we mention that Dan Lyons is a royal asshole?
Lyons continues, “Great as the iPhone may be, I’ve held off on buying one. It surfed too slowly, and I’m generally reluctant to buy the first version of any tech product. Now I’m ready to take the plunge. As soon as the overnight campers clear out, I’ll be there with my credit card.”
Full article, Think Before You Click™, here.
MacDailyNews Take: Surely millions will now be camping out at Apple stores worldwide because some Forbes frigtard with zero iPhone experience proclaims it’s now suddenly okay to buy an iPhone, as if the first iPhone wasn’t revolutionary enough.
Sounds like he wants one really bad and he is mad that others will be in the way. Arrogance personified.
“Dan, you royal asshole” – Nice!
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“Dan Lyons is a royal asshole” – Very nice!
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So at first its ‘under performing’ then its ‘great’, obviously this mug’s dual personality goes beyond cross dressing as Steve Jobs.
Another schmuck who just doesn’t get it!
Self-satisfied types like to proclaim that “a computer is just a tool!” or what have you. I tend to wonder if these people are human or not; it seems a human would know that tool use defines us as a species, and we have bonded with our tools since the days of banging rocks together.
Computers, now, are tools oriented at our minds, that seek to extend our very thoughts. And we’re not supposed to care? Show me the pianist who doesn’t care how their piano sounds to the point of being emotional about it, and I’ll (try to) stop caring about the quality of the software I use.
You know, I took a look at my old AT&T;bills, and compared my data usage back in the first full billing month after purchasing an iPhone to my usage last month, and found that I’m using even more data now than I did a year ago, when the iPhone was new and shiny. It just goes to show how much the iPhone’s superior software has become part of my way of life.
I didn’t camp for days before the launch — only a few hours — but I did notice that I was surrounded by people from a wide variety of age groups and backgrounds. We just want better software, OK?
Everyone Loved Fake Steve Jobs until it turned out to be a real person – now you all hate him?
Nice.
copy/paste of what I emailed him… “So, I could be formal, diligent and informative about how I think your are wrong and extremely rude, but mostly what bullied it’s way to the front of my thoughts is this:
“Fsck you, daniel.””
I knew I was done reading “Fake Steve Jobs”…
@me.
I think you mean you’re or you are. Hope you didn’t hit send yet…
I guess Daniel’s looking forward to July 12 when the only people camped out on the street are homeless people.
Gotta admit… it’s kind of silly that people can’t wait a week to get something they’re going to keep for a few years.
It’s pathetic all his drivel. And to think he had nothing better to do with his free time than be Fake Steve Jobs. Now he has nothing better to do than complain about the success the real Steve Jobs is having with his company and products. Stop writing drivel and get out there and do something with your life Dan. Its pathetic.
I hope they sell and he doesn’t get one.
He just about lost half his Mac audience. LOL
I was one of those guys that waited in line at the SLC Olympics for a Roots Hat….the first day when I saw the two hour lines, I said, what a bunch of bozos….the third day I was in line and it was really FUN! The Apple store openings are the same way….lots of fun talking to people and hanging out, I think Dan is an old man and forgot what it is like to hang out with friends for no good reason.
Great report. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
By the way, how empty must your life be to drive you to pretend you’re a Windows fan who posts to MAC site online? Did we mention that Zune Tang is a royal asshole?
Your potential. Our passion.™
My email to the author:
—————————–
Daniel, I would like to make a comment regarding the opening sentence in your blog:
——————————–
“Do you remember last summer’s iPhone hysteria, when hordes of nitwits camped out for days on sidewalks outside Apple(nasdaq: AAPL – news – people ) Stores so they could be first to purchase an overpriced, underperforming smart phone? ;”
—————————————
Let me show you some simple math to break down the “overpriced” part of it for you:
The first generation iPhone was originally $599 and then reduced to $399… Early adopters received $100 rebate so the max price paid for the 8GB was $499 ($399 for most buyers.)
Now, let’s take a look at the iPhone 3G and see how the costs break down with the new “half the price” subsidy:
Initial cost is $199.
All iPhone 3G plans have increased by $10 per month across the board.. That’s $10 x 24 months per required contract which equals $240.
Plus, AT&T;no longer includes 200 free SMS messages, that now costs an additional $5 per month x 24 months which equals $120
PLUS, Apple no longer includes an iPhone dock like they did with the 1st generation. The dock costs an additional $39.
So now, let’s add those costs up.
$199 iPhone 3G
$240 in additional monthly fees
$120 in additional SMS fees
$39 for a dock
————————-
$598 for an iPhone 3G.
VS.
$399 ($499 max) for the first generation iPhone.
Now the underperforming part of it… Sure, 3G is great. But have you looked at AT&T;’s 3G coverage? It’s spotty to say the least.. Less than 30% of the most populated areas in the US are covered, which means 70% of future iPhone 3G owners will be using the same EDGE network as first generation owners, except they will be paying approximately $200 more for service than 1st generation owners over the course of their 2 year contract..
Just saying, the iPhone is a great product, but It pays to do a little research before spouting off nonsense on a public blog..
Mike K
He is just doing this to try and persuade people not to line up so he can waltz right into a store and buy one the second it comes out. Good luck with that.
And this is another reason I hate MDN. “Criticize something we do? We’ll call you names!” Grow up.
I think I’m gonna go out for a camping trip… to the apple store… just to piss off this royal asshole… haha
I agree that camping out for the iPhone, or any other electronic device seems like a wast of time. What I don’t agree is how he pins the agitative mediocre on the iPhone, or how he passes judgment on those that like this kind of thing.
The camping out I thing seems like a waste to me because after all the lines have faded, next day or so, you can walk up, pickup your iPhone and don’t have to stand in line. But if partying with strangers in the heat of summer, in the middle of the smoldering concrete is your thing, then to each his own. I personally have better things to do with my time. Then again, I am older and not much in to partying anymore.
Read Dan Lyons’ in new Blog: Fake Human. “Dan pretends to be a pretentious, uptight, snotty robot writing a blog as a human.”
Which such lines as:
“when hordes of nitwits camped out for days on sidewalks outside Apple Stores so they could be first to purchase an overpriced, underperforming smart phone? At first I found the spectacle kind of funny, but then I found it depressing. Those people weren’t camping out for the phone. They were making a statement about who they are.”
Look for more of Dan’s “Fake Human Blog” coming to Forbes Online Media Soon! “Will Dan send his PA to be in line first at the Apple Store so he can be one of the first to buy the iPhone 3G?” Stay Tune to the “Fake Human Blog” to find out!
@mikeK
Awesome letter.
I don’t usually advocate mean spirited Mac fanboy attacks, but this guy is just asking for it.