Dvorak on Apple iPhone, Steve Jobs, Ballmer, Transcendental Meditation, and more

“So I’m working on a column about the Netflix streaming video and how nobody seems to understand the entire IPTV scene when the network calls me in a panic about Steve Ballmer going ballistic over the Apple iPhone,” John C. Dvorak writes for MarketWatch.

“I’ve already chatted about the device saying I can’t see it being that successful. Apparently Ballmer feels the same way,” Dvorak writes. “Right now the trend with these phones is to look more like a BlackBerry with little keyboards rather than to be minimalist with not even a numeric dial keypad the way the Apple iPhone is designed.”

MacDailyNews Take: Apple doesn’t follow trends, it creates them. Dvorak is a classic technophobe; likely conditioned to fear new things due to his use of Microsoft Windows PCs. Change is bad, no matter what, to people like Dvorak. The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a mouse. There is no evidence that people want to use these things. – John Dvorak, San Francisco Examiner, February 1984.

Dvorak continues, “Microsoft sells an operating system for smart phones and is in a fight to the death with Symbian, the rival standard put out by Nokia, Ericsson, Panasonic and other wireless phone makers. Microsoft doesn’t need some third player coming into the game with what is essentially a vague copy of what it already does.
No wonder Ballmer’s upset.”

MacDailyNews Take: Wait. Logic fault. Dvorak can’t see iPhone being that successful, but it’s no wonder that Ballmer’s upset?

Dvorak continues his baiting, “As I began to think about it, how come all the writers fawning all over the iPhone never mentioned Microsoft during the discussion? How does that work? How do you bring out a product, use a name that isn’t yours, copy the idea of a major competitor who is constantly blamed for copying your ideas and get off free of criticism?”

MacDailyNews Take: Apple’s iPhone with Mac OS X and the multi-touch UI copies Microsoft’s Windows Mobile? Only in Dvorak’s warped mind.

Dvorak continues, “Jobs traveled throughout India in his youth, when Transcendental Meditation was hot and various screwball gurus were training the Beatles and other folks how to meditate. Heck, Mitch Kapor, who founded Lotus (get it?) Development actually got so far into this that he taught Transcendental Meditation himself. I’ve always suspected that Jobs ran into some crazy guru who taught him this reality distortion field trick. Seriously, it’s the only explanation when you start to think about it.”

Dvorak writes, “One of the untold stories in Silicon Valley is the number of rich crazies who are caught up in various pseudo-religious spiritual pursuits that they bend to suit business needs. Epson America in the 1980’s was essentially run by Scientologists as was the Ashton-Tate empire until its founder died. IMSAI and numerous other SF Bay Area companies were dominated by EST trainees and apostles. But to me none of it has ever been as weird as the Steve Jobs reality distortion field. Maybe it’s all a coincidence and Steve is just a naturally charismatic guy. Anything is possible. But the reality distortion field does exist. And at least Ballmer sees it, even if all those reporters covering Jobs don’t.”

Full article here.
Can you believe this? No. It’s nonsense. The simple reason for this idiocy is that John C. Dvorak baits Apple product users in an attempt to generate traffic to his tripe:

Related articles:
Microsoft CEO Ballmer laughs at Apple iPhone – January 17, 2007
Dvorak on Apple iPhone: ‘I think Apple can do wrong and I think this is it’ – January 13, 2007
Apple sells 450,000 of Dvorak’s ‘nutty’ Nike+iPod Sport Kits in under three months – September 13, 2006
Dvorak tries damage control – June 20, 2006
Video: Dvorak admits to baiting Apple Mac users for hits – June 10, 2006
Dvorak thinks iPod+Nike Sport Kit is ‘nutty’ – May 24, 2006

97 Comments

  1. PURE JACKASS.

    please MDN stop posting his crap here. I dont need to know what he is writing, and I dont need to provide him income via web hits.

    I don’t EVER check his site. But many here do to read what you start. I also believe he is Zune Tang.

    Seriously, just stop posting his web site here.

  2. The simple reason for this idiocy is that John C. Dvorak baits MDN into posting traffic generating links to his tripe.

    Ballmer’s reaction to the iPhone was just 100% pure comedy. I’m gonna love the bad photocopy of multi-touch that next version of WinCE ships with. Dvorak just doesn’t want to jeopardize his spot on Ballmer’s corporate jet.

    Now how many songs did iTunes sell last quarter? Is the downward trend in full effect? ” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”wink” style=”border:0;” />

  3. I feel a need to say this again.

    MDN, I hate seeing his name in your headlines. It wastes our time. Please stop. The MacNation needs him to disappear. He offers no substance, He offers no intelligent thought. He is purely phishing for web hits. And YOU, MDN, are an enabler.

  4. Correction MDN: Apple’s iPhone uses OS X, not Mac OS X.

    In unrelated news, how do people like this actually get jobs? It is completely without logic. This man is so incredibly wrong on so many levels it’s amazing he realizes how to stand.

  5. I’ve always suspected that Jobs ran into some crazy guru who taught him this reality distortion field trick. Seriously, it’s the only explanation when you start to think about it.

    And I’ve always suspected that Dvorak is the product of sexual relationships between close relatives. Seriously, it’s the only explanation when you start to think about it.

  6. Actually, I just read this and was going to forward to MDN – damnit!!!

    Actually, I found the artlicle absolutely hilarious. Given his history in baiting Mac users, his piece is obviously satirical – I sense a bit of jealousy there. I also viewed the Ballmer interview, and the one thing that stciks out more than anything else, is that these people truly have no clue as to how Apple does it. Yes, Apple innovates a lot things, but they also take existing technologies, logic and workflow and make them intuitive. This is the key point. Right now, the industry – computers and electronics – is dominated by a culture of trying to cram the coolest features into a gizmo and selling it. What nobody else seems to do except Apple is to figure out how to make technology intuitive and actually usable. I remember some UI design advice from a few years back – the more option and choices you provide someone, the less usable your design becomes. To be more intuitive, you actually have to limit choice – without limiting choice.

    Microsoft will never get that.

  7. Why do you guys here at MDN even cover this guy at all? Isn’t that all he wants, attention? If we all simply ignore him maybe he will either go away or back off a little… You don’t kill a weed from lack of light by uncovering it all the time to take a quick look.

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