Commentator and humorist Rico Gagliano applies for the new opening at Microsoft. You know, the job that Bill Gates just left, via America Public Media’s “Marketplace” program:
Dear Sir or Madam:
It was with great interest that I read of the impending resignation of Bill Gates from the position of . . . whatever it is he does at your organization. I am very interested in the job. Please find my resume enclosed.
Though I have never been the head of Microsoft before, I believe I am an outstanding candidate. For instance, unlike most people in the world, I was able to permanently rid my Windows desktop of that stupid cartoon paperclip.
I will bring a unique new vision to your company, based on a business concept I’ve developed called, “IYHAVMOOSSWAFTUYPYSMTPG,” which is the pronounced acronym for “If You Have A Virtual Monopoly On Office Software So Workers Are Forced To Use Your Products, You Should Make The Products Good.”
Full cover letter here.
[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Zeke” for the heads up.]
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Microsoft ought to take it while the offer is still good.
What happened when Bill Gates left Microsoft for good.
Marketplace is a great radio show.
Unfortuneately the audio download on the page linked to here uses REal Audio.
The best part was after they do away with Windows & Office:
As for what we’ll replace these flagship products with? I propose we employ an eight-year-old child, a spider monkey, and some wild jungle pigs to sling mud at keyboards until they randomly generate alternatives. Dollars to donuts they’ll be as good or better than what we’ve got.
If you drag your cursor over certain areas of me, you’ll get options to special deals and low prices too.
MDN complains about articles not capitalizing or spelling apple products correctly, yet it is American Public Radio, not Ameria Public Radio.
Well that should be Apple capitalized, and America with a ‘c’. Ha ha
[sic]
LOL!
I love it!
He shouldn’t quit his day job. Unless of course that IS his day job.
It could be a real threat to Apple should M$ hire this guy. Let’s hope they aren’t that smart.
I like the disclaimer best:
***
RYSSDAL: Until he gets that Microsoft job, Rico Gagliano is an associate producer here at Marketplace. And in case you couldn’t tell, when he’s not at work, Rico uses a Mac.
***
That Rico character isn’t even fit to shine the shoes of Bill Gates – whose charitable foundation (for all you MacNuts that cared to crawl out from under your rocks for a second recently) just happened to receive an addition $30 Billion from the second-richest man in the world.
Now _those_two_ are actually doing something to help humanity.
Eat that, morons.
Hey RealityBites, read a bit before you speak, then you won’t look like an idiot.
Bill Gates aquired that money illegally, if you don’t believe me have a look here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/5120536.stm
The EU is about to fine Microsoft $2.5m per day because of their illegal business practices.
Think before you type. PC idiot.
I would bloody well hope Bill Gates gives most of his money away, he certainly doesn’t deserve to keep it.
Hurrah for straw-man arguments!!
To “Reality unchecked”:
Hey, cheese-eating asshole. Just because your idiot EU commission says so doesn’t mean it’s so. You friggin’ Euro-socialists think you can beat US companies by resorting to cheap protectionist bullshit. Well, guess what idiots – we’ll run you to the ground with the help of India and China. By the end of this decade the EU will be nothing more than an overpriced Euro-weenie version of Disneyland.
Oh, and that Airbus white elephant has already flopped, in case you didn’t know, asshole.
His first order of business should be to clean house and enforce the RICO Act.
http://www.ricoact.com/
RealityBites….Why do you troll here? Go and lick Mr. Gates shoes if you adore him so much. He didn’t part with anything substantial years ago when he was filthy rich. He (and Buffet) are doing it now to create a legacy for themselves. Gates doesn’t want to be remembered as a crook and maker of crapware which idoits like you adore and for some inexplicable reason, cannot get enough of. I imagine you keep and old 386 around just to run Wondows 3.1 during those lonely sad days when no one talks to you.
I am glad money is being given away no matter WHAT the reason, however, let us call it as it is and not delude ourselves. I hate revisionist history that people like you believe hook line and sinker.
Twit.
RealityBites bites bytes:
Apparently you didn’t see the word “humorist” even though it’s underlined…twice…IN ORANGE!
also, from one American to another, please stop perpetuating the obnoxious, manifest destiny attitude.
Reality, unchecked says “read a bit before you speak, then you won’t look like an idiot.”. He has too much faith in you. I say you already look like an idiot.
RealityBites:
Wow…. you just HAVE to be an American! Only an American can spout such unadulterated, vicious bile about the rest of the world, without any knowledge. I pity the American education system… and I live in New York!
So, incase you weren’t watching – India IS your steel industry, your technical support and your computer programmers. Without them, you’re screwed. Apple computers [for the European market] are manufactured in the EU. As for China, well China OWNS almost all the US debt… which is very bad news for US business should China choose to move to the Euro – which they are considering to by 2010. If that happens, I pity you and your xenophobic paranoia.
Get a life, chill out, oh and get a PC, your hate-filled, nasty personality suits a Dell perfectly.
Charlie–although RealityBites is a jerk and his posts are repugnant, I must take issue with your comments as well. I’ve been all over the world and I can attest to the fact that jerks can be found in most countries, and NOT only “an American can spout such unadulterated, vicious bile about the rest of the world.” Idiocy is a human condition that knows no national or political boundaries.
RealityBites:
Wow…. you just HAVE to be an American! Only an American can spout such unadulterated, vicious bile about the rest of the world, without any knowledge. I pity the American education system… and I live in New York!
Charlie — you overgeneralize just like RealityBites does. Why don’t you two elope?
So, incase you weren’t watching – India IS your steel industry, your technical support and your computer programmers. Without them, you’re screwed. Apple computers [for the
Charlie — wrong again. I’ve worked in the IT biz for quite a while and let me tell you this — the quality of offshored programming simply sucks. (I’m not talking open source collaborative projects.) So there’s a big backlash starting in the U.S. to circle the wagons. And rightly so! Outsourcing always involves culture, if not language issues, which drive up the costs. We also have plenty of programmers right here in the United States. Everywhere I’ve worked the vast majority of programmers have been U.S. citizens.
Charlie — learn some economics! If they “own” the U.S. debt, that affects the U.S. government, not U.S. businesses. The U.S. debt can be turned around rather quickly. All it involves is to simply freeze all spending on social programs. We simply haven’t had enough incentive to change, yet, but when we do, we will. Or have your forgotten the U.S. efforts that won WWI and WWII? Awaken a sleeping giant, indeed…
If it’s anything I pity, it’s the smug, self-righteous, know-it-all types that misunderestimate America.
MDW: Big, as in “Speak softly and carry a big stick” — Theodore Roosevelt
To all you guys, yes, America can probably rally to do just about anything it chooses whenever it’s united in purpose, but I’d sure hate to be caught short in the drawers if China called in it’s debt overnight. It would be really smart for the US govt. not to keep spending money it doesn’t have like it’s free. Also, we do outsource way too many critical technological processes and manufacturing, even for the military, and we could find ourselves in a position of being unable to reverse that without taking many years to do it, which would really be a sticky spot if China does start flexing it’s military muscles down the road. Imagine if in 1939 much of our critical manufacturing was based in Germany and Japan… things might have been different. We sure wouldn’t have won WWII by growing wheat and harvesting timber and without rationing fuel and other commodities.
Also, today’s leaders seem to think they can win a war by asking Americans to sacrifice by… ta da… going to the mall with their credit cards and spending. Now that’s inspiring. So, bottom line: the spirit which once made this country great is really gathering dust, and needs to be re-examined closely, and relearned – or else living in this illusion that we’re still made of the same stuff might eventually bite us in the collective asses. We aren’t united, and that’s the main problem. Politics has gotten divisive and ugly, and only stupid people are running government because being stupid, negative and divisive is how they get elected. The days of statesmanship are long gone, and our society isn’t respected any more, even New Zealanders are anti-American to almost an extreme. Our alliances are very fragile, and that’just for starters.
Most multinational companies based in the US could easily shift resources and assets anywhere in the globe where it would be to their advantage, leaving us as the worlds richest third world country, getting poorer by the day as wealth gets siphoned off to wherever. Maybe not overnight, but it could happen down the road. I’m not saying it will, but we can’t be living with blinders on and taking for granted that the old “spirit” will rise up, and drive us back to greatness like it once did. As a whole we’re not any better off than the least educated, poorest ones of us lacking basic health care and social equity… think about it.
MDN “magic” word: control, as in who’s in control?
Let’s not forget that the only reason Bill Gates is a philanthropist is because he was shamed into it by Ted Turner.