Commentator applies for new ‘Chief Software Architect’ opening at Microsoft

Commentator and humorist Rico Gagliano applies for the new opening at Microsoft. You know, the job that Bill Gates just left, via America Public Media’s “Marketplace” program:

Dear Sir or Madam:

It was with great interest that I read of the impending resignation of Bill Gates from the position of . . . whatever it is he does at your organization. I am very interested in the job. Please find my resume enclosed.

Though I have never been the head of Microsoft before, I believe I am an outstanding candidate. For instance, unlike most people in the world, I was able to permanently rid my Windows desktop of that stupid cartoon paperclip.

I will bring a unique new vision to your company, based on a business concept I’ve developed called, “IYHAVMOOSSWAFTUYPYSMTPG,” which is the pronounced acronym for “If You Have A Virtual Monopoly On Office Software So Workers Are Forced To Use Your Products, You Should Make The Products Good.”

Full cover letter here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “Zeke” for the heads up.]

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25 Comments

  1. The best part was after they do away with Windows & Office:

    As for what we’ll replace these flagship products with? I propose we employ an eight-year-old child, a spider monkey, and some wild jungle pigs to sling mud at keyboards until they randomly generate alternatives. Dollars to donuts they’ll be as good or better than what we’ve got.

  2. I like the disclaimer best:

    ***
    RYSSDAL: Until he gets that Microsoft job, Rico Gagliano is an associate producer here at Marketplace. And in case you couldn’t tell, when he’s not at work, Rico uses a Mac.
    ***

  3. That Rico character isn’t even fit to shine the shoes of Bill Gates – whose charitable foundation (for all you MacNuts that cared to crawl out from under your rocks for a second recently) just happened to receive an addition $30 Billion from the second-richest man in the world.

    Now _those_two_ are actually doing something to help humanity.

    Eat that, morons.

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