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pardon me.

This one's too easy.

i just had to say it: the pink screen of death!

Enough said!

MDN Take : "...shedding features like a Dandelion in Chicago..." - ROTFLMFAO!

Gives me diarrea just thinking about Longhorns.

well the damn cracked hard just like a bull whip
cause it wasn't takin' no lip from the night before
as it shook out the street, the stew bums showed up
just like bounced checks, rubbin' their necks
and the sky turned the color of Pepto-Bismol

how appropriate. i wonder if steve balmer get a lifetime supply?

Very good take MDN.

You just know that Microsoft's executives first met the guy at a customer appreciation party thrown by Pepto-Bismol.

Pepto-Bismol?!?!

Dudes, the only thing that's going to get Longhorn out of MS's bowels is LAXATIVE!

You're kidding me, right?

Damn, this material almost writes itself....

Well, since MonkeyBoy Ballmer started out selling soap at P&G;, getting a marketing guy with no relevant experience to help decide the future fate of Micro$oft is a 'been there, done that' proposition...

Well, could that be any funnier or more ironic?

Longhorn is making Microsoft sick (just as Windows has made their customers ill) so they bring in someone with indigestion experience.

No wonder there's no good fiction to read anymore. Just read the news. No one could dream up this stuff.

Tera Patricks
Mac360

The words "shooting", "barrel", and "fish" spring to mind.

I once chugged bourbon and water with Ballmer in the back of a limo heading down Broadway in New York City. De guy couldn't hold his liquor. And he stunk so bad I thought I was re-living my early days when I was locked-up at the kennel for humping Mrs. Wiskenheimer's schnauzer. Hey, I keed. I keed the Bald One. No, really . . . and then to make matters worse, Ballmer goes and blows chunks all over my fromt paws and the Corinthian leather in the limo!

I pooped on him and kicked him out at Canal Street.

Interesting how petty this website has become. Doesn't say much about you people when you make fun of my career. Maybe that's why Mac users have such a bad rap: they're so wrapped up in being the persecuted that tehy don't see the whole picture

Come onnnn, Mikey. It's a joke. You remember jokes, right? You know, that's why your wife was laughing on your wedding night. 'Cause it was funny!

No, but seriously -- you need to have a shot or two and look yourself in de mirror. I mean, I think you're actually stepping down the quality ladder with each corporate move you make. Really, I mean, at least E-Trade and AT&T;get some things right, occasionally. But Microsoft . . . no, it's too easy. Even for me.

So I quietly poop on you.

I'm not really posting here. I really DO have better things to do now that I've been hired by Micro$oft. Like, I have to go to a bazillion meetings just to figure out how in the hell Longhorn got so screwed up. AND to figure out how to keep this company from falling of its own weight. Or Ballmer's!

P.S. Good ones, Triumph!!

And we all remember that Windows and Pepto have another thing in common - that bad taste that they leave in your mouth. It lasts far longer than the original problem.

Oh, and Ballmer has always liked Pepto because they are the same shade of pink!

MDN is great at whining! It's in every commentary... MS hires someone, let's comment on it but with some what-we-think-is-funny remarks.

Too bad it some comes off like this:
Whine. Whine. Whine.
Whine. Whine. Whine.

I like wine.

Yah well Mike, shoulda' thought about that before applying for employment at a convicted monopolistic, untrustworthy company.

We're persecuted? With millions of zombie PC's and 69,000+ Windows viruses, I'm feeling mighty fine behind my Powerbook.

See what more you can gut out of Longhorn. I think a rebranded XP with a new color theme and wallpaper will be a reasonable achievement by next year.

I think MacDailyNews should tone down its cockiness about Tiger's superiority over Longhorn. Learning from Windows 95's experience, the PC world will likely hail Longhorn as a "great improvement" even if it only has 25% of Tiger's functionalities - PC users are stingy folks (moving to Mac means buying a new computer) and the easy availability of illegal/bootleg windows applications/software remains the biggest hurdle for windows users to switch to the Mac platform.

[...PC users are stingy folks... and (not having) the easy availability of bootleg ...software remains the biggest hurdle for windows users to switch to the Mac platform]

Interesting comment. One that I agree with. If these people won't give you a 'Stella' for showing up to their place and trying to help them fix their Virus Magnet. Why expect them to PAY for software?

All these companies that won't make Mac software, how do they make any 'money' offering Windows only software. Do they have paying customers - that don't eat into their profits with constant free support calls?

MacBuddy,

Let me give you the software scene in some non-US countries.

Illegal/bootleg software is easily available - some even sold openly in the common marketplace. I am talking about copies of Adobe CS, games, MS Office, MS XP, etc that sells for as little as US$2. They even come with software key/license! No tech support? Who cares?! Just buy another cheap software!

I was also told by a friend that some chinese websites provide free downloads of many popular softwares, with sofftware keys.

Under this environment, PC users will balk at the thought of spending US$99 for an OS! Only peope with conscience will spend $ paying for "original" software.

Hence for the home PC user, there's no $ incentive for them to switch to Mac. For businesses, while they may not openly use illegal software, the cost of moving everything (hardware & software) to the Mac platform is difficult for them to justify/explain. They rather live with whatever "solution" MS throws at them.

I can see it now. Windows Longhorn's new motto:

For that night time cursing, kicking, formatting, crashing, crappy so you can get a Mac system.

Along with Longhorn, we'll also have the next version of Windows XP called Shoehorn! ... When I first heard about MS planning on rewriting Windows from the ground up, I figured they would eventually give up on it and just start adding crap to XP and rebrand it as Longhorn. But I was wrong, they're still going to call it XP. :-D

How can you be a brand manager for something that does not exist? Shorthorn was supposed to be a re-write of the 'doze, then they started taking components out.
As it stands, Shorthorn is going to be little more than XP with a new Windowing/Graphics setup and some lame search system.
The Webkit is now going to be IE v7
The WinFS will not even be ready when Shorthorn ships, and has been promised for a later Service Pack.
What the first release of Shortrod is going to be is a lame update of XP, otherwise- putting "lipstick on a pig".
If the WinFS ever ships as a service pack, I predict it will crash more PCs than any virus ever has. Think about changing out an entire file system on an already installed, unstable platform that is filled with malware.
Talk about 'hanging a bag" on something. What a kludge.

From WordNet (r) 2.0:
kludge
n : a badly assembled collection of parts hastily assembled to
serve some particular purpose (often used to refer to
computing systems or software that has been badly put
together)
-----------------
From Jargon File (4.3.0, 30 APR 2001):

kludge 1. /klooj/ n. Incorrect (though regrettably common) spelling of
kluge (US). These two words have been confused in American usage since the early 1960s, and widely confounded in Great Britain since the end of World War II. 2. [TMRC] A crock that works. (A long-ago "Datamation" article by Jackson Granholme similarly said: "An ill-assorted collection of poorly matching parts, forming a distressing whole.") 3. v. To use a kludge to get around a problem. "I've kludged around it for now, but I'll fix it up properly later."

This word appears to have derived from Scots `kludge' or `kludgie' for a common toilet, via British military slang. It apparently became
confused with U.S. kluge during or after World War II; some Britons from that era use both words in definably different ways, but kluge is now uncommon in Great Britain. `Kludge' in Commonwealth hackish differs in meaning from `kluge' in that it lacks the positive senses; a kludge is something no Commonwealth hacker wants to be associated too closely with. Also, `kludge' is more widely known in British mainstream slang than `kluge' is in the U.S.
-----------------

From The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing (27 SEP 03):
kludge

<jargon> /kluhj/ (From the old Scots "kludgie" meaning an
outside toilet) A Scottish engineering term for anything added
in an ad hoc (and possibly unhygenic!) manner. At some point
during the Second World War, Scottish engineers met Americans
and the meaning, spelling and pronunciation of kludge became
confused with that of "kluge".

The spelling "kludge" was apparently popularised by the
"Datamation" cited below which defined it as "An ill-assorted
collection of poorly matching parts, forming a distressing
whole."

The result of this tangled history is a mess; in 1993, many
(perhaps even most) hackers pronounce the word /klooj/ but
spell it "kludge" (compare the pronunciation drift of mung).
Some observers consider this appropriate in view of its
meaning.

["How to Design a Kludge", Jackson Granholme, Datamation,
February 1962, pp. 30-31].
[Jargon File]
(1998-12-09)

As I said, I agree with your observations. I was attempting to extend your example, perhaps my use of sarcasm was confusing.

But I do find it ironic how Windows folks brag on and on about all the commercially available software that they can choose from - yet boast how they don't pay for any of it.

Just to add some substance to the above, Scotish engineers have played a very large role in the industrial revolution generally and indeed in the industrialisation of America so the word may well have seeped in over a longer period than suggested above just waiting to be populised by a particular group as has often happened (take funk for an example). Indeed some years ago I read that some 40% of American wealth (at that time) could be put down to the work and patents of Scottish born inventors and engineers.

There is only one cure for all current and future Windows ailments:

Its called OSX.

Someone with no realtive product experience taking over such an important role at Microsoft?

Why that would be like hiring the President of Pepsi to run Apple....oh wait, that's right, that already happend. And look how great that arrangement worked out.

macster..

or the head of nabisco running IBM?

Managers arent technical.

That's the point here. It DOES work because managers aren't technicians.

It always amazes me that the CFO at Apple can even talk about stuff like, "We're not interested in the sub 800 market at this point" when really, he could do his job without knowing anything about the company's product or service..

I mean.. Pepto Bismol.. that's hilarious, but truly.. when a manager tries to dabble in Engineering stuff.. that's when things get annoying (Hrm.. Steve Jobs standing over his Industrial Design team waiting for them to screw up would be funny to watch)

It's really no different at Microsoft, or any other tech firm.. it's just that.. Bill Gates is the founder of the company.. so people ask him about technical stuff..

you'll notice his answers are always very grandiose and vague (bullshit) because really, he's not the guy to ask about specific technical questions...

The leaders comes up with the goals.. the technicians come up with the solutions..

This pepto bismol bitch is just a manager.. also known as a human switch..

Actually.. this guy's a brand manager.. that's a very cool job.. and MS has a POS brand these days.. he's got work to do..

mike
I was just making light of the situation and thought the Pepsi CEO>Apple CEO situation was a cute comparison.

But as a marketing professional myself, who has promoted and marketed everything from radio starions and web development services to non-profit fundraising and online personals, I agree completely. I don't need to know how something works to promote it's benefits.

Ahh, that's more like it, MDN. You start putting crap like this back on and stop culling posts from your paid advertorials and you can have my dozen hits a day again. It's what I used to come for; a daily dose of religion, bizzarre or outrageous posts, and the odd tidbit of news which tastes better with your irreverent take.

This page has made my weekend. It's not funny; in fact, it's a low blow to an executive with an unfortunate career path who would rather you skip the Pepto-Biswhatever reference in his CV. It's nothing but a shameless weekend piece. Keep up the good work! E-Trade is the reason I've not held Apple stock for a while, though it was my most profitable trading stock. E-T double-counted brokerage fees, promised to refund the overcharge, and promptly decided to forget about it. I haven't been back since. This has nothing to do with Sievert, of course, but who cares. It's just nice to know that the Sieve may have something to offer Longhorn, even if it's just something for indigestion.

Pepto was also used to control diharrea.

Maybe he'll make the blue screen of death look better with some pink stuff.

best MDN take ever, I'm loving it!

Great stuff, Triumph!!!!

this is TOO good. it's the kind'a stuff someone would just make-up!
Pass me some of the pink stuff. I think i'll snort it.

Tiger will be out for two years before Longhorn burps out, and it'll be time for Apples' new OS---Pussy !