“My eyes!!! It felt like someone had dragged a cheese grater across my eyeballs when I saw the iOS 7 home screen, with its horrendous icons that looked like they were designed by a committee from the National Association of Gals (NAG) or…gasp!…Lisa Frank! Yes, iOS 7 comes perilously close to looking like Lisa Frank’s ‘Stuff Girls Love’ site,” Jim Lynch blogs. “The minute that you enter the iOS 7 home screen, you realize that it has been designed for a gaggle of giggling 13 year old girls. Most of the icons are a mishmash of pastels that exude emotionally incoherent inconsistency.”
“The color scheme is almost unbearable if you’re a man that appreciates the stronger, richer and more detailed icons in iOS 6. The first time you see the iOS 7 icons, it feels like somebody kicked you in the balls with no warning and for absolutely no reason,” Lynch writes. “There’s a real gender issue with the iOS 7 icon color scheme. The iOS 7 beta icons practically ooze estrogen! The manly, solid colors and design found in iOS 6 have been chopped off as viciously as Lord Varus’ balls and cock in Game of Thrones. In short, iOS 7 is a clam-o-rama of soft pastels that overwhelm male eyeballs, while bathing men in a sea of soft, limp nothingness.”
Lynch writes, “The Game Center icon is…bubbles. Ugly, girlish pastels-from-hell-bubbles. Yuck! First of all, what do bubbles have to do with gaming? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Second, gaming is known as one of the few communities that is still mostly masculine in its perspective and sensibilities. So what was Apple thinking by slicing off Game Center’s balls like this? It seems pretty clear that Johnny Ives and his designers have ZERO knowledge about the sensibilities of gamers. I suspect that none of them is a gamer, and probably could care less about inflicting this dick-less version of Game Center on male iOS gamers.”
MacDailyNews Take: To illustrate his argument, Lynch uses the Apple screenshot example seen below on the left. An iPhone 5 running iOS 7 owned by one of our male staffers is on the right:
Jim Lynch’s canned iOS 7 example on the left vs. a MacDailyNews iPhone 5 running iOS 7 on the right.
“If this is Johnny Ives’ work then it seems pretty clear that Scott Forstall was the alpha male at Apple. Or maybe it was Steve Jobs, or Jobs and Forstall together who put a masculine stamp on iOS? Either way, it’s pretty clear that iOS has totally lost its balls in iOS 7. What exactly does Ives have against men, anyway?” Lynch asks. “Let’s not forget Tim Cook here either. There’s no doubt that Cook had to go along with feminization of iOS, he’s the CEO of Apple and has final say in any changes to iOS. It’s long been rumored that he’s gay, and that’s fine. But come on, Tim! There are all kinds of gay guys out there, some gay guys are very masculine in their sensibilities. After seeing iOS 7, I’m betting that Tim Cook isn’t one of them. Come on, Tim! Butch it up a little bit please, and fix this mess before it’s unleashed on the male public.”
“I wonder if Apple is aware of any of this? Did they give any thought at all to how iOS 7 would be perceived by men that aren’t San Francisco or New York metrosexual types? I doubt it. If they had then they might have at least offered an alternative color scheme more suitable for masculine men,” Lynch writes. “Yeah folks, iOS 7 really is that bad visually. Your mileage may vary, however. Especially if you are a thirteen year old girl, metrosexual beta male, or a member of NAG. iOS 7 screams ‘girl power!’ and I suspect it will have a lot of men running for the exits to Android or Windows Phone, if the final release looks the same as the beta.”
We haven’t seen this much misogyny since the last meeting of the He-Man Woman Haters Club – for which – forget Alfalfa – we hereby nominate Jim Lynch for president!
(Good Jobs, we hope Lynch’s intention was to be satirical.)
