“The iPad is for show-offs. And the iPhone 4 makes it difficult to make a simple telephone call. Apple used to be hip, stylish and ahead of the curve. Now, though, it has become totally uncool — and not just since Steve Jobs stepped down,” Hajo Schumacher writes for Spiegel Online. “The iPad has attained the social cachet once enjoyed by things like color TVs and inline skates. It’s almost like you can hear its owners shouting triumphantly: ‘I’m hip! I’m in front! And I can afford it, too!’”

“It’s the same with pulse-monitoring watches, red wine and handbags: It’s not about functions, uses or taste. No, it’s about showing off. Indeed, the iPad is the must-have, cool-kid item of the 21st century,” Schumacher writes. “The economic victory parade of the iPad and iPhone is accompanied by a dreadful emotional letdown, a bit like with the latte macchiato before it. Something that was pleasingly different, that gave its supporters a certain feeling of hipness, has been sucked dry by its sheer ubiquity. What was once cool has now become the epitome of uncool. If everybody has something, it can no longer set you apart. The most valuable company in the world produces exactly what all the other most valuable companies in the world have produced: soulless junk.”

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“Firms everywhere get sued whenever their products don’t do what they’re supposed to. Apple enjoys legions of militant fans who point out to any Apple critics that they’re just too dumb to use it right,” Schumacher writes. “Apple and its customers are today’s L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology: a community of believers completely detached from reality. The lines that used to form in front of St. Peter’s Cathedral in Rome can now be found outside the Apple Store.”

Schumacher wonders, “And how are you supposed to get an installation CD into an iPad anyway, if it doesn’t have either a drive or a USB port? Buy the app, dummy. But why? I just bought the same program on a CD. Doesn’t matter. You have to buy the app.”

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MacDailyNews Take: It is intensely satisfying to see that Apple’s tremendous successes have driven certain types of people absolutely batshit insane.