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Jobs blames unnamed hedge funds for recent health scare rumors

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 · 3:45 pm · 33 Comments

CNBC’s Jim Goldman is reporting on-air (nothing online, yet) that Apple CEO Steve Jobs attributed his health scare rumors to “unnamed hedge funds” that were shorting Apple stock.

Goldman reported that Jobs told him “there is only so much I can do to reassure investors” and that he is “doing just fine” and is “healthy.”

Jobs appeared at an event to introduce new iPods, iTunes 8 and more today in which he stated that “the reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

Bloomberg News erroneously published Jobs’ obituary on August 28th.

MacDailyNews Take: Steve: We know you hate wasting time on clothes; hence the uniform, but, seriously, dump the old ill-fitting jeans and black mock turtlenecks and get new jeans and black mock turtlenecks that fit your newfound svelteness. Problem solved.

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33 Comments

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viktor

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 3:52 pm · Reply

OK, since Microsoft copies everything apple does, next week, there will be an announcement that steve ballber is sick… well, they can’t say he looked skkiny, but at least is sick…
minime

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 3:52 pm · Reply

Not only is “he” about to die, but AAPL failed to deliver the necessary hardware today to immediately destroy Microsoft…so we must sell all remaining shares.

Hurry, you aren’t a good, short term trader if you don’t sell all your apple shares!
Cubert

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 3:56 pm · Reply

His health is certainly more interesting than anything announced today.

Thoughts as to what Apple felt was so can’t miss about today’s announcements?
Passerby

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:01 pm · Reply

Wow. Can he back that up? If true, it’s market manipulation and a federal crime.
ProtoDAda

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:01 pm · Reply

seriously, steve jobs needs a stylist. he needs better fitting clothes and he will look handsome and not like he’s swimming in oversized clothes. sometimes you have to let go of your previous “fat clothes” and embrace your lean physique.
ABQ Peter

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:05 pm · Reply

so why isn’t someone going to jail for this?
@ProtoDAda

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:14 pm · Reply

Steve doesn’t need a stylist. He doesn’t give two shits about what anyone thinks of his appearance, and I give him ultimate props for this. Obviously, his self-esteem and self-worth is much higher than those who put their entire self-worth on their appearance and worthless “image”.
X

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:16 pm · Reply

No doubt that there is manipulation.

If the regulators had to curtail shorts on major financial institutions to prevent the economy from tanking, they can surely do this.

Still, one of the reasons that they can drive it is that all of the value of AAPL is in speculation since there is no dividend. All returns are based upon expectations of future gains. Dividends could add a secure value at the current time, helping prevent wide fluctuations.
Macaday

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:20 pm · Reply

Great, so now we know he’s alive, fit and well, we want to attack him for his choice of clothes?!?!??!?! Give the guy a break will you!

I find human beings quite incredible. I’m sure I wasn’t meant to be born on this planet…
thethirdshoe

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:33 pm · Reply

@ @ProtoDAda
I bet he does not give even one.
Steve can't afford new clothes!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:54 pm · Reply

On his $1 per year salary.
The Other Steve

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:55 pm · Reply

Weird MDN take but they are right.

He is a CEO. get NEW jeans!
Macromancer

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 4:57 pm · Reply

Two things he should have done…

Either had Phil Schiller wheel him on stage in a wheelchair just to f’k with people

OR

Walk out on stage, sit at a table with Phil and proceeed to devour a White Castle Crave Case and a giant frickin milkshake….
(actually In and Out Burger would be better)
Nick Fury

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 5:05 pm · Reply

“. . . Phil Schiller wheel him on stage in a wheelchair just to f’k with people”

Nice! And OT, I think the scientist flipping the switch on the Large Hadron Collider should put his fingers in his ears, close his eyes tight and back away slowly like something out of a Far Side cartoon or Egon Spengler in Ghostbusters. Just to freak out people.
Jersey_Trader

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 5:27 pm · Reply

If Steve got hit by a bus or never came back to work there are more products and services already being worked on in R&D;than Apple can roll out in the next 2 to 4 years.

Apple will continue with or without Steve because they have the best innovative people in R&D;and the billions in the bank to make it happen.
Tom

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 5:34 pm · Reply

Okay, somebody knows, and it’s time the rest of us do, too. Then, market forces can deliver the required justice.

What is the name of the hedge fund?
iDon't

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 5:44 pm · Reply

He does not look like he is well.
Buster

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 5:51 pm · Reply

I wish I was a skinny as Steve.
Anonymous©

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 6:01 pm · Reply

@macromancer,
Steve’s problem isn’t that he doesn’t eat, or eat meat, but that he had a Whipple Procedure. A Whipple removes most of your digestive tract, you know the part of you that when unravelled extends yards and yards. It’s that long so that the nutrients in your digested food can be absorbed. When you remove all of that, you remove a large part of your ability to absorb nutrients. It’s a virtual certainty after a Whipple, that the patient will lose alot of weight. It’s like a fat person getting a stomach stapling. In this case, it’s a slim Steve, getting even slimmer.

A second procedure, like a reverse jejunem, is often used to slow digestion, in order to allow greater nutrient uptake. Steve said he had a second procedure.

The bottom line is Steve will always be thin for the rest of his long life. The one certifiable way to extend life is actually to cut back on your caloric intake, significantly. Really. It’s no joke, but I expect Steve to outlive most of us.
Nick Fury

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 6:05 pm · Reply

“Steve’s problem isn’t that he doesn’t eat, or eat meat, but that he had a Whipple Procedure.”

So, it wasn’t a curse from an angry gypsy?