Facing increasing irrelevance amidst declining sales of OS-limited PCs and dramatic market share losses, Michael Dell today announced that he’s shutting down the company and giving the money back to the shareholders.
“All of this cost-cutting is meaningless in the end,” Dell said in the press release. “Sooner or later you hit bottom; you just run out of places to cut. What are we supposed to do, sell 1,000 computers at a 1-cent margin? That’s a measly $10 net profit. Forget it. It’s no longer worth the effort.”
At a press conference in front of his just-emptied Austin PC assembly plant, Dell appeared resigned, asking, “Seriously, why buy an OS-limited Dell, when you can get an OS-unlimited Mac from Apple? HP, Toshiba, Sony, Lenovo, I could’ve dealt with, but Apple… I can’t compete with that. Slapping colored paint on laptop cases to try to generate some consumer sales from the clueless just wasn’t working. “
According to industry sources, Michael Dell personally approached Apple CEO Steve Jobs in late 2007 with an offer to license Mac OS X to replace the poorly-received Windows Vista. Sources claim that Jobs simply told Dell, “Go pound sand, Bozo.”
Dell declined to comment about reports of his brief meeting with Jobs. At press time, Apple had not responded to a request for comment.
When asked what he plans to do next, Dell said, “I plan to spend more time with my family, maybe do some golden parachuting, and, yes, get a Mac.”
Source: Dell Inc.
MacDailyNews Take: Even if we never appreciated his ugly hardware with its bolted on third-party, upside-down and backwards, poorly-faked Mac OS, we do greatly appreciate Mr. Dell’s honesty today.
Haha! April Fools. Love it!
” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”raspberry” style=”border:0;” />
April fool!
Da dum Tish!
Happy april 1st eveyone.
You bastards! April Fools! Bah humbug!
If ONLY it were TRUE!
Maybe it’s only a matter of time…
We can only hope!
I’m not much of an April Fool’s guy, but that’s a damn funny headline.
Wait, this is a joke?? April Fool’s jokes are supposed to be somewhat believable and mostly fake, not the other way around.
“Worst…April Fool’s Article…EVER…
While the premise of the article is drool-worthy for we Apple/Mac fanboys, I’m afraid the substance of the article itself is shallow and woefully transparent. I will NOT be fooled by such triviality.”
— Jeff “Comic Book Guy” Albertson,
Owner/Proprietor – The Android’s Dungeon
HOW can we believe this… this story?
Jobs wouldn’t let Michael Dell onto the Apple Campus. Nevermind the building! And His office? Are you serious? Pure fantasy!
Dell has a Golden Parachute?
Maybe I’d believe a daily Golden Shower…
It’s true. Here’s footage of this morning’s press conference. I think Michael Dell is actually crying.
In other news, Google and Virgin are signing up volunteers for a mission to Mars: http://www.google.com/virgle/index.html
If Dell released an OS that only ran on Dells, would that make Macs “OS-limited”? Maybe we can come up with a better term, like “Mac-incapable”, which in my opinion is just as harsh.
Of course, Dell could go back in time and change his mind.
http://mail.google.com/mail/help/customtime/index.html
Oh to dream, were it to be true.
ABC has just announced that Steve Ballmer has agreed to be on the next “Dancing With The Stars” series. Agatha Trunchbull has been chosen to be his partner. Ballmer has also agreed to cover the costs of a super-absorbent dance floor as well as extra accidental dismemberment insurance.
@Jeff “Comic Book Guy” Albertson from the Simpsons
Speak for yourself when you say we are apple fanboys
This article was hilarious though. I’d really piss myself laughing if Mr. Dell did give the money back to the shareholders…
I wonder what would happen if Apple bought Dell? Hypothetically of course. But what do you think Steve would do right after firing Michael?
Is it April Fools?….or a glimps into the future?
Would Michael Dell really do something this big for April Fool’s Day.
Too good to be true.
Oh, Apple is buying Dell. They want a commodity machine that can run OS6. That should be an update from Vista.
Check out the iTunes store today. Free downloads, everything. Apple rocks, must be a birthday celebration or something.
ahhh yes, april first…the day the internet and BLOGS LIKE THIS ONE ARE TOTALLY USELESS!
Thanks for nuthin.
This is funny. Now if only today was NOT April 1. We can only wish for this.
Yes, I forgot about the SI Finch story. Had to read it again this year.
Very good.
Click on the Source link for that great baseball spoof.
I notice that Apple is UP on this news! LOL!